I’m a Freshman
I am still a freshman in many ways, but I’ve finally calmed down about the transition from “pompous know-it-all” to “itty bitty newb”. I’m not trying to hold onto faith any longer–I’m emancipated and ecstatic! I feel the same passion and eagerness to learn and discuss as I ever did. My brain has never been more full. Not only do I keep the knowledge I had as a Christian, but I also have a new way of examining what I’ve learned and a new appreciation for those studies. Life is good. (And now I can at least find the drinking fountain.)
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OldManSweaters:
June 29th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Love it!
makarios:
June 29th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Actually, all you’ve done is switched faith, but, whatever -
Celeste:
June 29th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Actually she didn't. Only a religious person would see atheism as a religion or faith.
JezuzFree:
June 29th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Great post. I especially liked the phrase "Not only do I keep the knowledge I had as a Christian, but I also have a new way of examining what I’ve learned and a new appreciation for those studies."
godlessgirl:
June 30th, 2009 at 12:16 am
I used to be a member of a Christian forum where I was a respected regular. Once I outed myself there, it became apparent that they didn't see any of the insight and knowledge I had previously gleaned as carrying over into this new life.
As of that moment, I was not listened to, and when I spoke about the Bible, I was told to "actually read it" and "if you only knew Jesus, you'd understand." I guess they missed the years I did do both of those things.
godlessgirl:
June 30th, 2009 at 12:17 am
Thank you, JF!
I used to be a member of a Christian forum where I was a respected regular. Once I outed myself there, it became apparent that they didn't see any of the insight and knowledge I had previously gleaned as carrying over into this new life.
As of that moment, I was not listened to, and when I spoke about the Bible, I was told to "actually read it" and "if you only knew Jesus, you'd understand." I guess they missed the years I did do both of those things.
JezuzFree:
June 30th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
I see, and can begin to imagine what I would be up against if what I believe to be imminent should come to pass. I am fairly certain that I have read the Bible many more times than the average Christian, and have studied & taken in depth notes in each Church service like hardly anyone does… that and all of the times that I have been told that "God has great plans for you" will be easily forgotten, I guess. Sad.
godlessgirl:
June 30th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
You know what? You have a treasure trove of experience and knowledge that will only make you a more effective citizen, familyman, and free thinker. No matter what happens, don't regret where you've been or what path you're on (as trite and recycled as that sounds)
side thought: Sure, we had it nice for a while… but as someone who is also looking back, I find myself wondering why I felt like I needed my faith and god to give me purpose, mission, power, and love. Having people around me who thought I was hot shit and had an amazing call on my life was great. I and my ego miss it. But I'd rather know that my life is an unfinished story that I can write; and the people I want around me now would let me be whatever I am without any exceptions or judgments.
godlessgirl:
June 30th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
You know what? You have a treasure trove of experience and knowledge that will only make you a more effective citizen, familyman, and free thinker. No matter what happens, don't regret where you've been or what path you're on (as trite and recycled as that sounds)
side thought: Sure, we had it nice for a while… but as someone who is also looking back, I find myself wondering why I felt like I needed my faith and god to give me purpose, mission, power, and love. Having people around me who thought I was hot shit and had an amazing call on my life was great. I and my ego will miss it. But I'd rather know that my life is an unfinished story that I can write; and the people I want around me now would let me be whatever I am without any exceptions or judgments.
AnonyMouse:
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
I disagree with your assessment that she has "switched faith" – atheism is a matter of faith like cleanliness is a matter of dirt – but what I really disagree with is your trivialization of the situation.
Leaving Christianity was the most painful thing I ever did. For me, God and religion had been a kind of security blanket. They were always there for me, even when I was alone. They would always help me, even when things looked hopeless. I could always count on God to set things right when I couldn't, and to teach me better when I made mistakes.
Becoming an atheist meant giving all that up. Now, instead of looking to someone else to help me with my problems, I have to do it myself. Rather than having a loving family of people who support me and my beliefs, I am surrounded by people who would antagonize and belittle me. And instead of resting happily in the knowledge that everything will become clear after I die, I must go out and find my answers – and occasionally be contented to know that no answers will be found in my lifetime.
Losing your religion isn't like changing the towels in your bathroom. If your faith meant anything to you at all, it becomes a huge and significant life transition.
methanopyrus:
July 3rd, 2009 at 4:30 pm
I'm a couple days late on this but this story made me smile, because I know the feeling. For me, the reason I 'graduated' was that I eventually became completely dissatisfied with the answers that religion offered.
godlessgirl:
July 4th, 2009 at 1:15 am
Did you find answers elsewhere or just gather more questions? I think I did the latter, but became content with the lack of answers.
methanopyrus:
July 4th, 2009 at 1:23 am
While I've often found myself with more questions than answers, I'm content to know that any answers I do settle on will be supported by evidence and reason, not myths.
Camels With Hammers:
September 4th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Great post, godless girl. I rarely read anyone's experience so eerily parallel my own. The process by which those of us who are devoutly and happily religious leave faith for intellectual reasons and against our own wills is poorly understood by those who haven't lived through it. And, worse, it's foolishly trivialized and obnoxiously belittled by many of the self-righteously religious. And the lifelong atheists don't identify much either. So, it's nice to read someone really articulate that experience for once.
godlessgirl:
September 4th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
I'm so glad to have a 'kindred spirit' (for lack of a better term) in this sort of transition. As a Christian, I thought people left the religion for emotional reasons, and I didn't respect that (and still don't, to an extent). But when I found myself leaving against my best wishes, my entire view was turned on its head. I'm glad you and I can understand how it feels. thanks for the comment!
Jetson:
September 13th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Excellent story (I just stumbled it.) While I can;t say I was ever a fervent Christian, I grew up in the Catholic Church, going through all of the Catholic rituals, sacraments, etc. And I never really believed the stories I was hearing. I am now spending plenty of time reading the Bible and reminding myself that I don't need to pretend or consider religion as being more important than everything else.
Good to hear your story and your transition!
godlessgirl:
September 18th, 2009 at 2:33 am
Your comment (thank you for it) made me consider how I started out in Christianity.
Isn't it interesting how we can go through the motions of our traditions and not even realize until much, much later that we can ask questions and do things differently? Not many children are gifted with the minds to choose differently than their parents.
BrainUser:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:53 am
Very nicely written description of your emergence from the darkness of dogma. I, too, came out of that unfortunate dungeon that is fundamentalist Christianity and so grateful for it. We're both "newbs" but at least we're enlightened newbs who no longer have to worry about fairy tale gods, demons and other nonsense.
Reality Rocks!
godlessgirl:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Cheers to you! Glad to be with ya on the other side of the curtain!