Comments on: Tweeps Speak: Open Relationships http://www.godlessgirl.com/2009/06/tweeps-speak-open-relationships/ ... and her adventures in Atheism Fri, 10 Feb 2012 00:32:46 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: pilebake http://www.godlessgirl.com/2009/06/tweeps-speak-open-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-19263 pilebake Tue, 02 Aug 2011 09:48:20 +0000 http://www.godlessgirl.com/?p=417#comment-19263 Jealousy is now not a big issue.. Sexual life is one of the phenomena causes of broke up couple.A studay shows that men and women are not satisfied from each other. They are not in open relationship and still not satisfied their physical needs.. Jealousy is now not a big issue.. Sexual life is one of the phenomena causes of broke up couple.A studay shows that men and women are not satisfied from each other. They are not in open relationship and still not satisfied their physical needs..

]]> By: Pandeism http://www.godlessgirl.com/2009/06/tweeps-speak-open-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-19255 Pandeism Fri, 29 Jul 2011 08:23:56 +0000 http://www.godlessgirl.com/?p=417#comment-19255 I try to make sure every person I get involved in a relationship with understands that I am a Pandeist, and my sexual morality is guided by Pandeism.... given my belief that our Creator experiences existence through us, I desire to give our Creator the gift of varied sexual experiences while avoiding the experience of insecurities and hurt feelings.... I cannot be insecure if my lover loves another as well, for the other is part of our Creator as well, and so in a distant and somewhat abstract sense, is a part of me as well.... I have had some success in multi-polyamorous communal households with about equal numbers of male and female flatmates who either were Pandeists or were able to engage in that aspect of Pandeism, and so to enjoy that any of us could have sex with any other of us as they wished with no possessiveness or hard feelings. I try to make sure every person I get involved in a relationship with understands that I am a Pandeist, and my sexual morality is guided by Pandeism…. given my belief that our Creator experiences existence through us, I desire to give our Creator the gift of varied sexual experiences while avoiding the experience of insecurities and hurt feelings…. I cannot be insecure if my lover loves another as well, for the other is part of our Creator as well, and so in a distant and somewhat abstract sense, is a part of me as well…. I have had some success in multi-polyamorous communal households with about equal numbers of male and female flatmates who either were Pandeists or were able to engage in that aspect of Pandeism, and so to enjoy that any of us could have sex with any other of us as they wished with no possessiveness or hard feelings.

]]> By: Colie the Magical Closet Athiest http://www.godlessgirl.com/2009/06/tweeps-speak-open-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-16772 Colie the Magical Closet Athiest Sun, 03 Apr 2011 23:22:15 +0000 http://www.godlessgirl.com/?p=417#comment-16772 I honestly don't think I could ever be in an open relationship :/ I prefer exclusivity, closeness, and intimacy too much. I've seen it work before though... although that couple eventually broke up due to jealousy issues. Who knows? Maybe some people can be in a polyamorous situation successfully and some people just can't. I honestly don’t think I could ever be in an open relationship :/ I prefer exclusivity, closeness, and intimacy too much. I’ve seen it work before though… although that couple eventually broke up due to jealousy issues. Who knows? Maybe some people can be in a polyamorous situation successfully and some people just can’t.

]]> By: Jacob http://www.godlessgirl.com/2009/06/tweeps-speak-open-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-10306 Jacob Sun, 26 Dec 2010 03:34:10 +0000 http://www.godlessgirl.com/?p=417#comment-10306 I think this is an interesting topic. With thoughts posted like: Is it natural for humans to lean towards monogamy or polygamy? The selfish aspects of monogamy; the selfish aspects of polygamy; the selfish aspects of anything in between. Okay, I'm going for the quick shot. Just typing what comes out of my brain on the spot here. Pardon the generalizations and over or under exaggerations. Monogamy says: I want to have only you, and I want you to have only me. I'm enough for you and you're enough for me. If you make me your only one, it is worth it for me to make you my only one. Cheating(initially): I want you to want me only, but I'm not sure you are enough for me. Let me check and get back to you. (Chronically): I assume you want me only. Thanks. You aren't enough for me, but I realize if I let you know that plainly, you'll see I'm not enough for you. Open relationship says: I want you sometimes, and I'm only available to you sometimes. You are not enough for me and I don't care if I'm enough for you. Polygamy says: I want you sometimes, and I'm only available to you sometimes. You are half(or less) than enough for me and I better be enough for you. I think monogamy is idealistic. And I think jealousy and selfishness can easily permeate any relationship of any time. But I have yet to meet a happy love triangle in the retirement homes. Never met an old man or an old woman who says "Me, George, and Lucy are still in love after 25 years!" or "boy, if it hadn't been for Samantha, I'm not sure I would have as great a time with Steve that 3 years we were in love in college." All I'm saying is: are you who go after open or polygamous relationships viewing it from what works or what works best for you and the people involved? In our old age, will it cause you to say "it was fun", "I wish we hadn't, what a waste of years", "it was tolerable and a learning experience" or "I wouldn't have done it any other way"? And what would the other persons involved say in their old age? Just food for thought. I don't claim to know for sure. I'm 25 only and while I had some very promiscuous days, I was never bold enough to try more than one relationship at once. So, all this is suppositions and my outside opinions, but I think this subject requires much more consideration than we give it, no matter what we conclude. I think this is an interesting topic. With thoughts posted like: Is it natural for humans to lean towards monogamy or polygamy? The selfish aspects of monogamy; the selfish aspects of polygamy; the selfish aspects of anything in between. Okay, I’m going for the quick shot. Just typing what comes out of my brain on the spot here. Pardon the generalizations and over or under exaggerations.

Monogamy says: I want to have only you, and I want you to have only me. I’m enough for you and you’re enough for me. If you make me your only one, it is worth it for me to make you my only one.

Cheating(initially): I want you to want me only, but I’m not sure you are enough for me. Let me check and get back to you. (Chronically): I assume you want me only. Thanks. You aren’t enough for me, but I realize if I let you know that plainly, you’ll see I’m not enough for you.

Open relationship says: I want you sometimes, and I’m only available to you sometimes. You are not enough for me and I don’t care if I’m enough for you.

Polygamy says: I want you sometimes, and I’m only available to you sometimes. You are half(or less) than enough for me and I better be enough for you.

I think monogamy is idealistic. And I think jealousy and selfishness can easily permeate any relationship of any time. But I have yet to meet a happy love triangle in the retirement homes. Never met an old man or an old woman who says “Me, George, and Lucy are still in love after 25 years!” or “boy, if it hadn’t been for Samantha, I’m not sure I would have as great a time with Steve that 3 years we were in love in college.” All I’m saying is: are you who go after open or polygamous relationships viewing it from what works or what works best for you and the people involved? In our old age, will it cause you to say “it was fun”, “I wish we hadn’t, what a waste of years”, “it was tolerable and a learning experience” or “I wouldn’t have done it any other way”? And what would the other persons involved say in their old age? Just food for thought. I don’t claim to know for sure. I’m 25 only and while I had some very promiscuous days, I was never bold enough to try more than one relationship at once. So, all this is suppositions and my outside opinions, but I think this subject requires much more consideration than we give it, no matter what we conclude.

]]> By: Michael Australia http://www.godlessgirl.com/2009/06/tweeps-speak-open-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-1376 Michael Australia Thu, 03 Dec 2009 00:35:26 +0000 http://www.godlessgirl.com/?p=417#comment-1376 Well this might be an old post but the insights and resonable discussion on here has impressed me. It really is so so so simple. If you want an open or monogamous relationship that's 100% fine. But the problem comes about when others start ranting on how either way is better or immoral or boring. I know some that go on and on about monogamy yet I have caught them at venues without their partner doing stuff with others. It's to me so simple - be monogamous if you think it is right for you and 'healthy" or sexually experiment with others bring others into your relationship if that is what you both want. So simple. But to get on soapboxes and rant for hours about how one is better - that causes more problems than the acts. Well this might be an old post but the insights and resonable discussion on here has impressed me.

It really is so so so simple. If you want an open or monogamous relationship that's 100% fine.

But the problem comes about when others start ranting on how either way is better or immoral or boring. I know some that go on and on about monogamy yet I have caught them at venues without their partner doing stuff with others.

It's to me so simple – be monogamous if you think it is right for you and 'healthy" or sexually experiment with others bring others into your relationship if that is what you both want. So simple. But to get on soapboxes and rant for hours about how one is better – that causes more problems than the acts.

]]> By: Sue http://www.godlessgirl.com/2009/06/tweeps-speak-open-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-416 Sue Sun, 05 Jul 2009 18:34:47 +0000 http://www.godlessgirl.com/?p=417#comment-416 I've seen polyamorous relationships work, and fail miserably. Also seen monogomous relationships fail miserably and work like magic. I don't think there is a 'right' way to exist in the world. In relationships or otherwise. The key seems to be honesty. Personally I could be fulfilled only having sex with one person for the next 40 years. I have no desire to be in an open relationship. That would only be selfish if my partner wanted something else. Just as many open relationships are selfish when one partner 'gives in' and accepts it. The beauty of the human mind is the ability to reason and not be driven purely by genetics or physical urges. We have the capacity to make decisions about how we will act and treat those around us. I've seen polyamorous relationships work, and fail miserably. Also seen monogomous relationships fail miserably and work like magic. I don't think there is a 'right' way to exist in the world. In relationships or otherwise. The key seems to be honesty. Personally I could be fulfilled only having sex with one person for the next 40 years. I have no desire to be in an open relationship. That would only be selfish if my partner wanted something else. Just as many open relationships are selfish when one partner 'gives in' and accepts it. The beauty of the human mind is the ability to reason and not be driven purely by genetics or physical urges. We have the capacity to make decisions about how we will act and treat those around us.

]]> By: Kylyssa Shay http://www.godlessgirl.com/2009/06/tweeps-speak-open-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-394 Kylyssa Shay Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:27:43 +0000 http://www.godlessgirl.com/?p=417#comment-394 I wanted to point out that polyamory is not the exclusive property of the polyfidelitous. How on earth would you add another person to a couple without dating? I'd wager it's very rare that three people meet all at once then all get into a relationship together at the same time. In my experience, a couple that is open to a polyamorous relationship then finds and falls in love with a third and so on. Also, it's probably incredibly rare for the very first person a couple dates to be "the one" - it's almost impossible to be poly without, at some point, being open - otherwise - where does that third come from? I'd like to point out that poly comes in many shapes and sizes. When we are living an alternative lifestyle it is like living in a glass house. There's no one right way to do it. I wanted to point out that polyamory is not the exclusive property of the polyfidelitous. How on earth would you add another person to a couple without dating? I'd wager it's very rare that three people meet all at once then all get into a relationship together at the same time. In my experience, a couple that is open to a polyamorous relationship then finds and falls in love with a third and so on. Also, it's probably incredibly rare for the very first person a couple dates to be "the one" – it's almost impossible to be poly without, at some point, being open – otherwise – where does that third come from?

I'd like to point out that poly comes in many shapes and sizes. When we are living an alternative lifestyle it is like living in a glass house. There's no one right way to do it.

]]> By: Valentin http://www.godlessgirl.com/2009/06/tweeps-speak-open-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-388 Valentin Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:51:10 +0000 http://www.godlessgirl.com/?p=417#comment-388 Jealousy is an instinct which has a role for ensuring the spread of the genes of an individual. Specially for a male. It is better to ensure a minimum of children than trying to maximize and fail. So OK, jealousy makes you feel bad. But is it necessary? If you compare, the role of hunger for example, is really more important. And here jealousy seems to be useless. I say OK. But in that case, why do you have sex in first place? The only role of sex is reproduction. Of course you have pleasure, but it is exactly the same has bad feeling when feeling cheated on. So if we do things so that we feel good, then we can legitimately ask for a faithful relationship. In theory, open relationship would be perfect. The problem is that we do not tell really our feelings. How could I be sure that a partner would be OK on having an open relationship. How could I be sure this person is not thinking: "if it is the only way I can keep him, then I will do it, and maybe one day, it will change". And not only with the partner. But also with the other sexual partners. I meet someone at a party, we talk a lot, then we are going to have sex. And then I tell her: "Oh before we do that, I have to say, I have a girlfriend. But she is OK with that." Sounds weird. Is it enough time for the person reconsider having sex? Because many people associate sex with other feelings, how could I know this person is OK with that? Maybe she was expecting more than sex. How can you know? To the question are humans monogamous or polygamous... Well try to think about what should be the fittest in evolution. I does not depends on who it is, but how much opportunities you have. Certainly better to stay with someone safe if you do not have much other opportunities. But if lots of people are interested, you might change of mind. It is specially true for men. In a pure polygamous context, if you want to be fairly sure to have children, you should reproduce more often and with more partners than the average of other males. Or you can choose monogamy. Well, do not take my word as truth. That is just what I feel. I am monogamous, but I have dreams as well. Jealousy is an instinct which has a role for ensuring the spread of the genes of an individual. Specially for a male. It is better to ensure a minimum of children than trying to maximize and fail. So OK, jealousy makes you feel bad. But is it necessary? If you compare, the role of hunger for example, is really more important. And here jealousy seems to be useless. I say OK. But in that case, why do you have sex in first place? The only role of sex is reproduction. Of course you have pleasure, but it is exactly the same has bad feeling when feeling cheated on. So if we do things so that we feel good, then we can legitimately ask for a faithful relationship.
In theory, open relationship would be perfect. The problem is that we do not tell really our feelings. How could I be sure that a partner would be OK on having an open relationship. How could I be sure this person is not thinking: "if it is the only way I can keep him, then I will do it, and maybe one day, it will change". And not only with the partner. But also with the other sexual partners. I meet someone at a party, we talk a lot, then we are going to have sex. And then I tell her: "Oh before we do that, I have to say, I have a girlfriend. But she is OK with that." Sounds weird. Is it enough time for the person reconsider having sex? Because many people associate sex with other feelings, how could I know this person is OK with that? Maybe she was expecting more than sex. How can you know?
To the question are humans monogamous or polygamous… Well try to think about what should be the fittest in evolution. I does not depends on who it is, but how much opportunities you have. Certainly better to stay with someone safe if you do not have much other opportunities. But if lots of people are interested, you might change of mind. It is specially true for men. In a pure polygamous context, if you want to be fairly sure to have children, you should reproduce more often and with more partners than the average of other males. Or you can choose monogamy. Well, do not take my word as truth. That is just what I feel. I am monogamous, but I have dreams as well.

]]> By: mstone449 http://www.godlessgirl.com/2009/06/tweeps-speak-open-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-340 mstone449 Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:05:20 +0000 http://www.godlessgirl.com/?p=417#comment-340 I think that we a socialized and conditioned to be monogamous just like we are socialized and conditioned to believe in god, think we should own a house and invest in our 401k. Life is shades of grey and that is where the beauty and magic lies. Being true to oneself requires stepping outside of the conditioning and finding people who will support you in your journey to discover who you truly want to be when u grow up and what u want ur life to look like. I think that we a socialized and conditioned to be monogamous just like we are socialized and conditioned to believe in god, think we should own a house and invest in our 401k. Life is shades of grey and that is where the beauty and magic lies. Being true to oneself requires stepping outside of the conditioning and finding people who will support you in your journey to discover who you truly want to be when u grow up and what u want ur life to look like.

]]> By: Tweeps Speak: Open Relationships « Loving More http://www.godlessgirl.com/2009/06/tweeps-speak-open-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-305 Tweeps Speak: Open Relationships « Loving More Sun, 21 Jun 2009 16:46:43 +0000 http://www.godlessgirl.com/?p=417#comment-305 [...] Godless Girl, 17 juni 2009 [...] [...] Godless Girl, 17 juni 2009 [...]

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