photo by DerrickT
The delightful and thoughtful @hyumen documented the beginning of a long journey on her blog.
Well, I did it. I told my family that I am an atheist. Sort of.
After posting the results of the “Do you believe in God?” CNN poll (which strongly favored “No” at the time of its closing), a discussion about doubting God’s existence broke out on her Facebook page. Two family members joined her in vocalizing those doubts, while another, a theist, spoke back about why God is truly there.
The good news is that at least a part of my family knows how I feel now. We all know what the bad news is. I will have to hear the hellfire and brimstone sermonettes at every turn, as will my nephew and daughter. However, the family doesn’t know there are several more in the family who have yet to come out of the atheist closet. The holidays this year should be very interesting.
Make sure to check out her blog and support her as she navigates this family situation.
As the aphorism goes, “Everyone is coming from somewhere”. Some atheists were raised without religion and faith; others live in areas that are unwelcoming to the non-religious.
For all of you atheists who had to come out of the proverbial closet as non-believers: What steps did it take to be completely public and honest about your identity? Was it a confession to one individual at a time or perhaps a more public approach like @hyumen’s? Were the people around you welcoming and understanding of you or did they evangelize and debate? How long were you “in the closet” before coming out godless?
Cast your vote:
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Olin Thang on 
Cortez Frisch on 
I've been atheist since birth, so I never had to come out. My dad is also atheist, but my mom is a minister for a multi-faith church. She desperately wanted me to believe in something–anything–so I studied religion like crazy when I was a teenager hoping to find something I could identify with that would get her off my back. I found a couple things about wicca that I liked (the "harm none" thing and the reverence for nature) and that seemed to appease her. So, we're all good.
It amazes me that people can't accept that humans have the capacity to love one another, do no harm, revere our world, and still be *atheists*! Ugh.
I remember talking to my brother in our room about five years ago, when I was about 17 and he was 16, about something er other. I said something about being an agnostic. This made my coming out easy, because I said this not realizing what I was revealing whilst (I'm purposely being pretentious with this word to reflect my belief that I am right in my beliefs?) my mother was in the room. Upon hearing these words from my mouth, she turned to my brother and asked, "What does he mean by agnostic?" My brother made the whole situation easier on me by stating, "He means he is agnostic. What the hell else would he mean?" To which my mother replied, "What does that mean?" My brother and I looked at each other. "It means he doesn't pretend to know anything," my brother told her. She gave up at that point. I no longer call myself agnostic when asked if I believe in God. Part of being agnostic means I worship no gods, which makes me an atheist. I feel calling myself this is more direct. It's a word people seem to fear, and I feel hiding from it isn't going to help anyone. So I embrace the term, no matter what trouble it gets me into (which is surprisingly little).
My mother might actually be the one that made it easiest for me to come out though. I tell her one thing, and I'm quite convinced by this point that she will never hear or understand what I have to say because what I say can never be heard over what Christ (?) is telling her. Luckily, I got her mildly interested in Bad Religion, but I again doubt she has any idea what they are saying. Maybe thought truly is just too much for so many of us to handle. God bless us, everyone.
"It means he doesn't pretend to know anything,"
That's a pretty succinct way of explaining it!
I came out as an atheist to my parents (my father is an ordained minister and my mother is 'more godly' than he is) via email. I sent them 10-15 questions I had about religion (pointing out the rape, racism, ect, in the bible) and then at the end said
"oh yeah, and if you can't tell by now, I do consider myself an atheist".
Needless to say I had a lot of heated arguments with them. My mother now says "I'm not talking about this anymore, I will pray for you". go figure. lol
Haha wow, that doesn't seem like a very peaceful way of coming out, but don't mind me; I'm a fraidy-cat with confrontation!
I’m not sure I could ever bring myself to do it that way, props to you!
My father and mother were both atheists and, as a child, I was subject to no religious indoctrination whatsoever. Even so, I found it difficult to admit I was Godless.
I remember once, as a kid, I had to fill in a form which asked the question 'Religion'. I asked my mother what I should put there, and she said, "Put down Church of England. It's easiest." (She'd been a Jew in Hitler's Germany and had been persecuted.)
I finally admitted I was an atheist at a writers' meeting once when I was sitting next to a large African-American woman. We had to share something with our neigbour about beliefs. I nervously told her, expecting a negative reaction. But she laughed and said "I'm an Atheist too."
The other thing that changed me from being silent to being vocal and 'out' was reading Richard Dawkins' "The God Delusion". If you haven't read it, do so. It's marvellous.
I'm about halfway through the God Delusion and already wanting to re-read portions of it. I am one person who doesn't mind Dawkins' tone one bit.
P.S. I really enjoy your photoblog!
I'm glad your first steps "out" were so smooth!
I'm about halfway through the God Delusion and already wanting to re-read portions of it. I am one person who doesn't mind Dawkins' tone one bit.
P.S. I really enjoy your photoblog!
Thanks
That's great!
It's complicated with me. I actually came out to my father as Wiccan in high school, and he finally accepted it and eventually was suportive, so I thought telling him I was now an atheist would be cake. Strangely, he seems to be more unnerved and saddened by the idea that I believe that what we see is what is, than when I believed in fairies. It's because he felt comforted that I at least believed in something intangible, as he did, and now that I don't, he wonders if I'm missing out or if he's missing something. It's very sad.
I am still somewhat surprised at this view, even though I hear it often. Apparently it is more admirable or desirable to believe in *anything at all* rather than to be a naturalist and skeptic. One ex of mine said "Well everyone has to believe something's out there! You're being silly."
I'm not sure any theist or supernatural believer can understand just how easy it is and how unnecessary those unfounded beliefs are until they empathize on our side. I don't think telling them it's okay will ever make them believe it.
Agreed. When I told my mother that I wasn't Christian a few years ago, she cried to me, "just don't tell me that you don't believe that nothing's out there, because I know there is!" She seemed so upset that I might "not believe in anything." We seem to naturally assume that a lack of belief is tantamount to despair and is going to lead to depression and an empty life. That's what my parents' reactions seem to point to, anyway.
I came out as an atheist by writing a letter to my parents that I sent along with returning a religious book to them unread. They, a fundamentalist and a Catholic, were quite upset and wrote back with all the "reasons" to believe in god. They seemed convinced that I was just in a period of doubt and that I'd eventually return to xianity. 27 years later, I'm as much an atheist as ever, though I'm less evangelical.
If you’ve been following my blog for the past week you know that I’m out to a few right now but I am in the closet to most. This is because a) my income right now depends on the church and b) my family are strong believers and my father is a pastor and I’m not sure how I would even begin to come out to them.
i FINALLY came out to my mother as an atheist about two weeks ago and i was astonished at how receptive she was. she didn’t act like it made me not as good of a person or ANYTHING. she also admitted that the only reason she had me baptized as a baby was to get my great grandmother to shut the hell up.
Woah, what a surprise! I’m glad it went so well!
I grew up in an atheist household and didn’t realize that religion was that big of a deal until late in high school. I just thought that some people went to church and some people didn’t, but no one really cared that much. Now that I know better I am constantly thankful to be able to come home and find my parents reading books like “The Atheist’s Guide to Christmas”.
After reading the stories on this blog and around the internet about people – very young people – having to face coming out to their parents and loved ones, I can’t even begin to tell you how much respect I have for people who are able to summon the courage. Bravo to all of you!
Thanks for that! It’s great to hear from people with different life stories about what things could be like.
Now it’s time to submit a story! ;P
http://comingoutgodless.com/submit
Read mine here: http://comingoutgodless.com/2007/08/08/my-godless-journey/
Very cool. Everyone has different types of coming out experiences. I was always hostility towards religion but my family blissfully ignored it until I came out. I was pretty much always an atheist but not until I met my current husband (then boyfriend, of course) that I realized it. I was raised in reform Jewish household. I always assumed talk of god and the afterlife were just niceties everyone said but knew were BS. Now I see that that’s usually not the case. Anyway, my family hates my liberalism WAY MORE than my atheism. So what ever.
In any case, glad to just be myself!
Combination of “hells yeah!” and “not safe here”. Scandinavia in general is loosing it faith, fast, (I’m Norwegian), so it’s not a problem. I have several friends from what you can call atheist-families.
But, my maternal side of the family is batshit crazy and thus religious (or okey, I don’t know if they are batshit crazy because of the religion, or religious because they are batshit crazy!)
I can never tell them. God fixes everything, you know? Just pray a little bit. God is there. I have enough problems justifying just about any other aspect of my fairly NORMAL life.
But to everyone else? Yeah, they know.
Earlier this week, I outed myself on my blog; it was liberating!
http://pixelstampede.wordpress.com/2011/10/11/seven-year-twitch/
It’s funny, I had a sort of similar experience with my friends and family, only it was with them finding out that I had begun attending church and had decided to become baptized. I was genuinely surprised at the level of anger and even hatred it prompted from some of my friends (I was raised in a secular family, the majority of my friends are non-religious). I guess there are zealots on every side of the equation.
I’ve been struggling with my belief about God a lot this year. Not so much “Why doesn’t God listen to me?” More like, “I just don’t think I believe anymore.” But being afraid to cross the proverbial line into full-blown Atheism. I’m afraid I even declare myself as one because of the label. The label makes it official. I don’t believe there is a God, but I just can’t bring myself to call myself “Atheist..”
My fears stem from having such a positive experience as a Lutheran growing up. My dad is a good, faithful man. I think it would kill him to know I don’t believe in his God, or the works of his church. I’m not certain I’ll ever “come out” of the Atheist closet. At least, not with the term “Atheist”. What a tricky thing, words can be. Out of all of this, the thing I’m most afraid of is a word.
Is it strange?
I should say I don’t NOT believe in the works of the church, more like I don’t agree with the practices and the general “Having rules for believing in God”