photo © DerrickT
The delightful and thoughtful @hyumen documented the beginning of a long journey on her blog.
Well, I did it. I told my family that I am an atheist. Sort of.
After posting the results of the “Do you believe in God?” CNN poll (which strongly favored “No” at the time of its closing), a discussion about doubting God’s existence broke out on her Facebook page. Two family members joined her in vocalizing those doubts, while another, a theist, spoke back about why God is truly there.
The good news is that at least a part of my family knows how I feel now. We all know what the bad news is. I will have to hear the hellfire and brimstone sermonettes at every turn, as will my nephew and daughter. However, the family doesn’t know there are several more in the family who have yet to come out of the atheist closet. The holidays this year should be very interesting.
Make sure to check out her blog and support her as she navigates this family situation.
As the aphorism goes, “Everyone is coming from somewhere”. Some atheists were raised without religion and faith; others live in areas that are unwelcoming to the non-religious.
For all of you atheists who had to come out of the proverbial closet as non-believers: What steps did it take to be completely public and honest about your identity? Was it a confession to one individual at a time or perhaps a more public approach like @hyumen’s? Were the people around you welcoming and understanding of you or did they evangelize and debate? How long were you “in the closet” before coming out godless?
Cast your vote:
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#1 by Jenna on September 26, 2009 - 4:55 am
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I've been atheist since birth, so I never had to come out. My dad is also atheist, but my mom is a minister for a multi-faith church. She desperately wanted me to believe in something–anything–so I studied religion like crazy when I was a teenager hoping to find something I could identify with that would get her off my back. I found a couple things about wicca that I liked (the "harm none" thing and the reverence for nature) and that seemed to appease her. So, we're all good.
#2 by godlessgirl on September 26, 2009 - 8:25 pm
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It amazes me that people can't accept that humans have the capacity to love one another, do no harm, revere our world, and still be *atheists*! Ugh.
#3 by @TheRealJohnKing on September 26, 2009 - 10:25 am
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I remember talking to my brother in our room about five years ago, when I was about 17 and he was 16, about something er other. I said something about being an agnostic. This made my coming out easy, because I said this not realizing what I was revealing whilst (I'm purposely being pretentious with this word to reflect my belief that I am right in my beliefs?) my mother was in the room. Upon hearing these words from my mouth, she turned to my brother and asked, "What does he mean by agnostic?" My brother made the whole situation easier on me by stating, "He means he is agnostic. What the hell else would he mean?" To which my mother replied, "What does that mean?" My brother and I looked at each other. "It means he doesn't pretend to know anything," my brother told her. She gave up at that point. I no longer call myself agnostic when asked if I believe in God. Part of being agnostic means I worship no gods, which makes me an atheist. I feel calling myself this is more direct. It's a word people seem to fear, and I feel hiding from it isn't going to help anyone. So I embrace the term, no matter what trouble it gets me into (which is surprisingly little).
My mother might actually be the one that made it easiest for me to come out though. I tell her one thing, and I'm quite convinced by this point that she will never hear or understand what I have to say because what I say can never be heard over what Christ (?) is telling her. Luckily, I got her mildly interested in Bad Religion, but I again doubt she has any idea what they are saying. Maybe thought truly is just too much for so many of us to handle. God bless us, everyone.
#4 by godlessgirl on September 28, 2009 - 4:37 pm
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"It means he doesn't pretend to know anything,"
That's a pretty succinct way of explaining it!
#5 by @hellogreenstar on September 27, 2009 - 3:40 am
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I came out as an atheist to my parents (my father is an ordained minister and my mother is 'more godly' than he is) via email. I sent them 10-15 questions I had about religion (pointing out the rape, racism, ect, in the bible) and then at the end said
"oh yeah, and if you can't tell by now, I do consider myself an atheist".
Needless to say I had a lot of heated arguments with them. My mother now says "I'm not talking about this anymore, I will pray for you". go figure. lol
#6 by godlessgirl on September 28, 2009 - 4:38 pm
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Haha wow, that doesn't seem like a very peaceful way of coming out, but don't mind me; I'm a fraidy-cat with confrontation!
#7 by Al Scott on September 27, 2009 - 6:40 am
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My father and mother were both atheists and, as a child, I was subject to no religious indoctrination whatsoever. Even so, I found it difficult to admit I was Godless.
I remember once, as a kid, I had to fill in a form which asked the question 'Religion'. I asked my mother what I should put there, and she said, "Put down Church of England. It's easiest." (She'd been a Jew in Hitler's Germany and had been persecuted.)
I finally admitted I was an atheist at a writers' meeting once when I was sitting next to a large African-American woman. We had to share something with our neigbour about beliefs. I nervously told her, expecting a negative reaction. But she laughed and said "I'm an Atheist too."
The other thing that changed me from being silent to being vocal and 'out' was reading Richard Dawkins' "The God Delusion". If you haven't read it, do so. It's marvellous.
#8 by godlessgirl on September 28, 2009 - 4:41 pm
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I'm about halfway through the God Delusion and already wanting to re-read portions of it. I am one person who doesn't mind Dawkins' tone one bit.
P.S. I really enjoy your photoblog!
#9 by godlessgirl on September 28, 2009 - 4:41 pm
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I'm glad your first steps "out" were so smooth!
I'm about halfway through the God Delusion and already wanting to re-read portions of it. I am one person who doesn't mind Dawkins' tone one bit.
P.S. I really enjoy your photoblog!
#10 by Al Scott on September 28, 2009 - 5:41 pm
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Thanks
That's great!
#11 by Holydust on September 28, 2009 - 3:43 pm
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It's complicated with me. I actually came out to my father as Wiccan in high school, and he finally accepted it and eventually was suportive, so I thought telling him I was now an atheist would be cake. Strangely, he seems to be more unnerved and saddened by the idea that I believe that what we see is what is, than when I believed in fairies. It's because he felt comforted that I at least believed in something intangible, as he did, and now that I don't, he wonders if I'm missing out or if he's missing something. It's very sad.
#12 by godlessgirl on September 28, 2009 - 4:44 pm
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I am still somewhat surprised at this view, even though I hear it often. Apparently it is more admirable or desirable to believe in *anything at all* rather than to be a naturalist and skeptic. One ex of mine said "Well everyone has to believe something's out there! You're being silly."
I'm not sure any theist or supernatural believer can understand just how easy it is and how unnecessary those unfounded beliefs are until they empathize on our side. I don't think telling them it's okay will ever make them believe it.
#13 by @holydust on September 28, 2009 - 7:17 pm
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Agreed. When I told my mother that I wasn't Christian a few years ago, she cried to me, "just don't tell me that you don't believe that nothing's out there, because I know there is!" She seemed so upset that I might "not believe in anything." We seem to naturally assume that a lack of belief is tantamount to despair and is going to lead to depression and an empty life. That's what my parents' reactions seem to point to, anyway.
#14 by @pschult on October 17, 2009 - 2:53 am
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I came out as an atheist by writing a letter to my parents that I sent along with returning a religious book to them unread. They, a fundamentalist and a Catholic, were quite upset and wrote back with all the "reasons" to believe in god. They seemed convinced that I was just in a period of doubt and that I'd eventually return to xianity. 27 years later, I'm as much an atheist as ever, though I'm less evangelical.