All of these books have won the Bookseller/Diagram Prize for Oddest Title of the Year. It’s my dream to one day make that list. Maybe one person will judge the book by its title and buy a copy!

  1. If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start with Your Legs (2007)
  2. Natural Bust Enlargement with Total Power: How to Increase the other 90% of Your Mind to Increase the Size of Your Breasts (1985)
  3. The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories (2003)
  4. The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification (2006)
  5. How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art (1989)
  6. The Madam as Entrepreneur: Career Management in House Prostitution (1979)
  7. Reusing Old Graves: A Report on Popular British Attitudes (1995)
  8. Highlights in the History of Concrete (1994)
  9. The Book of Marmalade: Its Antecedents, Its History, and Its Role in the World Today (1984)
  10. People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It (2005)
  11. The Joy of Chickens (1980)
  12. Oral Sadism and the Vegetarian Personality (1986)
  13. [and my personal favorite since I would actually want to read it] How to Avoid Huge Ships (1992)

I even have a bonus list of titles that were also submitted for this contest. Aren’t you lucky?

  1. A God or a Bench (I’d take the bench)
  2. The Industrial Vagina (It means business!)
  3. How to Write a How to Write Book (For dummies, obviously)
  4. Are Women Human? and Other International Dialogues (All those who say “no” please step up to be spanked by the industrial vagina)
  5. Introduction to Adult Swallowing (As long as there isn’t a youth version)
  6. The Voodoo Revenge Book: An Anger Management Program You Can Really Stick With (That’s some sharp humor you’ve got there)
  7. Lightweight Sandwich Construction (No need for a book, I’m already the mistress of this practice)
  8. Whose Bottom? A Lift-the-Flap Book (This has got to be the same person who wrote Everybody Poops)
  9. God’s Chewable Vitamin C for the Spirit (Like Flinstones vitamins? “Yabba dabba dooo! I’m speaking in tongues!”)
  10. The Romance of Leprosy (Just what every girl wants!)
  11. Waterproofing Your Child (Please don’t let this say “wrap tightly in plastic”)
  12. Excrement in the Late Middle Ages: Sacred Filth and Chaucer’s Fecopoetics (I’m going to try and use “fecopoetics” in a sentence today)
  13. 227 Secrets Your Snake Wants You to Know (Secret 167: Do you really think of me as the devil?)


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11 thoughts on “Thursday Thirteen #2: Terrible Book Titles”

Kaytee · October 1, 2009 at 6:41 pm

Those are too funny!!! I think I would actually want to read 227 things that your snake wants you to know… because I don't think your snake really cares what you know as long as you feed it!!!

Alice Audrey · October 1, 2009 at 1:50 pm

What a hoot! You’ve got some great titles on this list.

Starrlight · October 1, 2009 at 7:41 pm

Wow whoever wrote the first one is a big old party pooper!

Calico Crazy · October 1, 2009 at 7:52 pm

Another funny 13! Today has definitely been the day for giggles.

Jill · October 2, 2009 at 9:36 am

Hard to believe some of these are actual book titles. Too funny 🙂

Dan · October 2, 2009 at 11:27 am

I'd like to read "How to Defend Yourself Against Alien Abduction", 1998, and maybe "Poop-eaters", 2008. Actually, I would certainly read Poop-eaters, if it is a scholarly work.

UrbanWildCat · October 2, 2009 at 10:39 pm

The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories (2003)

"The Clydesdale mare whinnied softly as she sidled up to her new palomino friend. Tonight, she would be the Stallion…"

The Big Blue Frog · October 12, 2009 at 7:53 pm

"How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art" is actually a really good book on hiking hygiene. Covers a range of scatological skills useful for outdoorsy types. It's in its second edition, believe it or not. I highly recommend it for anyone who's into hiking or backpacking.

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Tweets that mention 26 Crazy Book Titles | Godless Girl -- · October 1, 2009 at 6:31 pm

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