Christify It!

Do you lament at the state of sin in the world? Do you feel like just being alive in the 21st Century is a dirty, poisonous venture? Are you afraid of not seeming holy enough if you don’t mention Jesus and God every 5th word? I’ve found a solution just for you!

Here’s how to whitewash your culture and appear really faithful to your friends without having to give up the things you like:

If the world gives you something fun and secular, don’t despair or give it up out of conviction–Christify it! You shouldn’t settle for something that works great and everybody uses. Don’t let Satan fool you–Christify it! Change it to fit your special, spirit-filled niche so that it will seem better, cleaner, holier.

Take successful and innovative websites like YouTube, Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter and steal their ideas. Slap Jesus on it, censor all the yucky out, and you’ve got yourself a few sub-par websites like Tangle (formerly known as GodTube), ChristianSpaces, and Christian Chirp.

Don’t worry, it’s not just about websites! You can Christify anything including Jewish holidays, kosher saltyoga, and games!

So don’t worry, folks. If ever something comes along that doesn’t mention God or the Holy Spirit, you can just save yourself the hard work of self-control, boundaries, and good judgment and make a new version of it for Jesus! You never know–maybe those godless sinners will see your happyhappyjoyjoy modifications and decide they can accept Jesus now that they know they don’t have to give up stretching and rap music.

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December 5, 2009  |  Christianity, funny, Jesus, society


  1. It's a good thing they put the "Christian Yoga" subheading in there. Is the title meant to be Chris Toga or Christ oga? What the hell is oga?

  2. Boy. Janine Turner must really be hurting for money. But if she's just looking for a good stretch I hear nailing yourself to a cross works, too.

  3. Even the true believers decry this, at times. "Addicted to Mediocrity" by Franky Schaeffer complains from inside the beast that Christian Art is a mediocre shadow of the secular world.

  4. I have a video of Christoga courtesy of Everything Is Terrible over at my blog. 😀

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