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Because my dear mother is worried. She came to me tonight expressing a desire to talk about “the elephant in the room” which is, apparently, my atheism. In a very polite manner, she expressed her concern:
Ever since I came out to her in October, she has been reading more godless blogs (perhaps mine… rut roh!) and experiencing the snarky, jabbing, “haughty ridicule” (as she called it) that sometimes accompanies heathen venting sessions and social commentary. I freely acknowledge that some atheists are bitchy, chip-on-the-shoulder finger-pointers.
What worries her is that I might become like the people described above: sour in attitude, uncharitable in speech, and antagonistic in practice.
Should she be worried? Yes. I have to admit I am almost all of the above things at one time or another towards Christianity or woo in general. I consider myself an anti-theist and have no issues mocking certain ideas that are, in fact, ridiculous. Sometimes I make fun of other people because of their behavior, silly superstitions, or unbelievably ignorant beliefs.
I’m sorry Mother; I may be what you dislike… at least in part.
Even so, I want to make clear to the people of faith reading this blog that I empathize with you a great deal. I spent my entire life surrounded by the best kinds of Christians (with a few crazies thrown in). I know what it’s like to yearn after Jesus, follow the Spirit, trust in God, pray, see others come to the Lord, feel a mighty work in my life, and so forth. I know all of those things, and I honestly do understand where you’re coming from. I hope my knowledge of the Bible, theology, and the way passionate believers feel will make me a more ecumenically minded atheist (once I get past all the fun bitchitude). I hope I will soften more and stifle some of my most rude comments out of respect for people that are genuinely doing their humble best to follow what they believe and think is right and true.
But when it comes to the stubbornly ignorant, the bigoted, the anti-scientific, the hateful, the hellfire-and-brimstone theocratic blowhards… all bets are off–Godless Girl puts on the gloves.
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#1 by Mike Brownstein on January 24, 2010 - 12:49 pm
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I don’t think you’re angry. They want to frame the issue in a way to make you angry. Thus proving their point.
Mike Brownstein’s last blog ..McCain-Feingold Reforms Struck Down by Supreme Court
#2 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 6:16 pm
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Hmm, I don’t know if it’s baiting, really. Maybe in some cases…
#3 by Dave on January 24, 2010 - 1:04 pm
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GG,
Yes, you are probably angry. Angry at the sense of betrayal you feel when you realized how mislead and lied to you were. Anger is natural and good. It gives you focus, and right now, your focus is on mocking ignorance and superstition – that’s good.
Don’t mistake anger for bitterness. Bitterness is not good – it eats away at you and makes you mean.
I say enjoy your relief at shedding the yoke of christianity, mock and poke at the morons, respect those who respect you, and do good because it’s the right thing to do. From what I have seen of your blog and tweets, you are doing fine.
Please file under #my2cents
#4 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 5:14 pm
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Those are very kind and encouraging words. I appreciate them a lot! *hug*
#5 by Matt Warren on January 24, 2010 - 1:08 pm
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While my family is deeply spiritual, I have tried to assure them that while I may not share the same religious beliefs, I very much share the same stated values.
Namely, it is right to treat humans with respect, tenderness, and understanding. We may not view the cosmos in the same way, but we certainly view our human duties in the same way.
I don’t know if that will be enough for my family, but I hope that behaving with an eye toward – ya know – what *Jesus* would do, is a good way to ensure that they know we’re still on the same page so far as morals are concerned.
I would urge you to remind those concerned about your soul that God is the ultimate arbiter. Regardless of any single human’s perspective about God and the afterlife, no man can know the will of the supreme being.
You (and I) may not respond to this kind of argument, but those that care for scripture will likely see the truth of such a statement. Like you, I wish to have a loving relationship with my family. I don’t want our crude understanding of the cosmos to get in the way of our love.
All the best to you; keep writing from your heart.
Matt Warren’s last blog ..A Modern History of Evil
#6 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 5:18 pm
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You seem to be a balanced peacemaker for your family. I admire the tack you’ve chosen in regards to how someone of faith may best respond to our perspective. I will keep trying to improve the way I present “my side” of things so we can meet a middle ground.
#7 by _7654_ on January 24, 2010 - 1:13 pm
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In many cases, the religious perceive the Atheist denile to elements of their belief system as anger. They hear what you type as shouting and they imagine your facial expression to look like the picture you posted with the article. Also your mother would have found the loudest and most prolific atheist blogs and articles on the net. Needless to say, some of them are quite sharp in the words if you ask me. I find it great, that she went after the subject, and googled it. She might develop a deeper understanding about Atheism and may join the ranks one day, right next to you. And if you think that that if far fetched, think again. The mother daughter bond is one of the strongest bonds human kind ever had. She will find a way out of her religion and next to your side. Also note, she was not consulting with her priest of church … but rather looking at reality and facts, and finding them a bit unpalatable but true and right never the less.
#8 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 5:27 pm
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Thanks, friend. I’m not sure I can imagine my own mother losing her steady, passionate faith… but I did, so it is not out of the realm of distant possibility. I honestly wonder if I’m a good “witness” (to borrow the phrase) for godless living and skeptical thought. Ah well, I love her no matter if she ever agrees or not.
#9 by Dan the anti-theist on January 24, 2010 - 2:04 pm
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Any anger you do have you should use to focus on learning more about the world. I was kinda in your position 18 months ago – once I got over having a go at everything religious I turned most of my attention to developing my knowledge of science. I still use my blog to vent my frustrations and I still enjoy learning about the stupidity of religions (just finished reading Biblical Nonsense by Dr Jason Long which is a great book) but now I find that I discuss the wonders of science more than the absurdity of religious belief.
Read, read and read some more to get the ammunition needed to combat the religious people in your life who will make accusations and try to ask difficult questions – I find it is easy to turn the tables and make them question their faith.
#10 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 6:11 pm
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That is most definitely one of the things I want to improve upon. I fear I will be much more well-read on the “other side” for a long time, since I’m playing catch-up now
Lots of great reads out there to collect, though.
#11 by Renee Hendricks on January 24, 2010 - 2:46 pm
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You have succinctly put into words everything I’ve ever wanted to say to my relatives regarding my non-theism. Thanks for this post
#12 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 6:13 pm
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Oh wow, I’m glad it was a help! I hope you’re able to say everything to your family that I may have forgotten to tell mine.
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#13 by vjack on January 24, 2010 - 2:55 pm
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I’ll stop being angry when atheists are no longer being discriminated against. I’ll stop being angry when atheists are widely considered every bit as human as Christians. I’ll stop being angry when atheism is no longer viewed as a political liability by candidates.
#14 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 6:14 pm
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Hear, hear!
#15 by PJ on January 24, 2010 - 4:42 pm
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I don’t think you’re angry either and I commend you for sticking to it and not wavering. I still haven’t told anyone about being an atheist (except for on my blog) yet but I’m getting there and your blog is helping a lot. So thanks!
PJ’s last blog ..Resist, cease and desist.
#16 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 6:15 pm
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*hug* If you ever want to talk about it, I’d really value that as well.
#17 by Buffy on January 24, 2010 - 6:37 pm
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“What worries her is that I might become like the people described above: sour in attitude, uncharitable in speech, and antagonistic in practice.”
What you just described isn’t exclusive to atheists (though some believers like to pretend we’re the only “angry” ones). Just read a few Christian sites (particularly the RW variety), or better yet post something that challenges their “deeply held beliefs”. You’ll see quickly that some of them are anything but sweetness and love.
#18 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 7:59 pm
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I know you’re right. We can each of us be nasty and vile to one another.
I think she’s concerned that my attitude/behavior will be influenced by those types of people. I’ll admit I used to be a bit sweeter. But I guess I had nothing to speak against at the time.
#19 by Sean on January 24, 2010 - 6:38 pm
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I find that “sour in attitude, uncharitable in speech, and antagonistic in practice” are not the exclusive domain of any point on the faith scale. Some atheists fit this description, as do some of the religious. Similarly, humor, compassion, and curiosity can be found at any point on the scale. It’s always too easy to assume the worst of “them” and the best of “us.”
From what I’ve seen, you seem more sassy than angry.
Sean’s last blog ..mitdasein: @godlessgirl I’ve got a Nietzsche trigger finger.
#20 by Grimmlock on January 24, 2010 - 6:39 pm
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It is all a matter of where you are pointing your anger. Hate the belief, don’t hate the believer. I feel sorry for them and the crutch they need to get through life.
Grimmlock’s last blog ..Fun With Liberals
#21 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 8:01 pm
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“Hate the sin, not the sinner!”
I honestly think that could work in an ideal situation, but we all know that sometimes we mix up the idea and the person stating it.
#22 by Grimmlock on January 24, 2010 - 8:20 pm
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You are correct, and I like how you threw that at me, lawl, but I guess it must be, if you will excise the language, the leave-me-the-fuck-aloneist in me. I care not one wit for the idiocy someone chooses to follow in their life just so long as they keep it to themselves and don’t push it on me. I have become the “angry atheist” on occasions when people try to push their Tom-foolery on my kids. That is not a decision for anyone but my ex and me to make. She has yelled at me for saying heaven was make believe, the stupid… Never mind. I guess what I am trying to say is, as long as they dont push their beliefs on you then there is no reason to be angry. Of course, when they try to use those same beliefs to push public policy then we all have the right to rage against the religious morons.
Grimmlock’s last blog ..Fun With Liberals
#23 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 8:23 pm
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Well I totally agree with you there. I value a secular government and if they have a problem with that, they can go live in Rome.
#24 by mcbender on January 24, 2010 - 7:36 pm
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I am an angry atheist, and I catch a lot of flack for it. I’m also in many senses an angry skeptic – credulous thinking offends me regardless of its subject, and I’m not one to mince words…
I’ve been trying for years to get past it, because I know anger only makes them dig in their heels. Primarily this is a pragmatic thing: anger is rarely the right way to get someone to listen to you and by doing so come around to your point of view. Sometimes I succeed at suppressing it, and sometimes I don’t.
The problem I have is that most of the people I know (especially my family and friends) agree with me – but they still side against me in debates because they think I’m too hostile. They seem to believe that maintaining everybody’s peace of mind and ‘right not to be offended’ is paramount, never mind that by doing so they are transgressing that principle with respect to me.
While at times it’s inconvenient, I’m not ashamed of it; I am who I am, and I’m not going to tolerate uncritical thinking. If my stance drives people away and causes me to have fewer friends, so be it; those people probably aren’t worth knowing anyway.
#25 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 8:06 pm
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Your comment really hits home for me. Funny thing is, I’m usually on the side of “let’s all just get along”. Well, at least I used to be. Way to stand strong for what you think!
#26 by Todd on January 24, 2010 - 8:28 pm
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Angry atheist and fundamentalist atheist seem to be the favorite terms of many of the christians I meet. I find both of them to be rather comical. I am, in fact, a very angry atheist.
Even so, my anger has nothing to do with my non-belief. I don’t believe in god because there is simply no evidence for his existence. It’s the same reason that I don’t believe in Santa.
My anger, on the other hand, is due to the many horrible things that religion does on a daily basis. Sure, religious people always try to excuse such things by blaming it on individuals who are fallible and “sinful”, but I don’t buy it.
I can dredge up countless examples of people who commited horrible acts because they TRULY believed in a horrible religion. Atheists find such examples all the time without the least bit of effort.
When I see the injustice, intolerance, hatred, child abuse, indoctrination, and ignorance caused by religion, I do tend to get a bit angry. And, you know what, I’m okay with that.
In fact, I’m going with Pat Condell on this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjO4duhMRZk
Todd’s last blog ..shadowspeak: @fred8gravy It’s the word of god and cannot be altered unless it affects the money. Controversial doctrines mean less income, so bye-bye.
#27 by GG on January 24, 2010 - 8:47 pm
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I hear you loud and clear.
It doesn’t actually matter who perpetrates the evils in the world (religious, non-religious, foreign, or domestic); what matters is that human beings have the capacity to do horrible things to others. Sometimes a belief will either encourage or discourage that behavior, but in the end, it is about the individual doing right or wrong.
#28 by CrazyCrazyXtian on January 24, 2010 - 9:20 pm
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I read your blog because you are certainly not an angry athieit. That said, I think one must be very mindful of their speech and thought, regardless of their philosophy or religious beliefs.
I spent many years as an athiest and found angry atheists (which there are certainly many) to be extremely problematic to the athiest population. This anger only fuels what Christians believe, that people without God are not happy. Learn to be a happy, joyful atheist and you’ll never have a problem revealing your lack of beliefs to anyone.
I also take issue with the previous comment which celebrated mockery. Not cool, dude. Not cool. Yet another atheist stereotype that I spent years trying to fight against. I won’t go into the psychology behind ridicule but it certainly suggests a lack of confidence above all else. Believe what you choose to believe but respect the alternate beliefs of others.
If it makes you feel any better I often time find myself angrier as a Christian than I was as an atheist.
#29 by GG on January 25, 2010 - 10:22 am
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I appreciate you reading my thoughts! what, may I ask, angers you as a Christian?
#30 by CrazyCrazyXtian on January 25, 2010 - 2:05 pm
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Christian apathy and disrespect for their fellow man. It didn’t bug me as an atheist because I didn’t care.
#31 by Brent Rasmussen on January 25, 2010 - 12:38 pm
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So, even if what they “choose to believe” is clearly ridiculous, ridicule is inappropriate? Is that what you are saying?
What if someone who held a modicum of political power over you – a school board member or county commishioner perhaps – “chose to believe” in the Old Religion? Norse gods – Wodin and Thor, Asgard, Hel, and Ragnarök? (Remember, the Old Religion was a perfectly acceptable mainstream belief of millions of people for centuries. There are followers today.) It is clearly a ridiculous belief.
Imagine further that they want to include portions of their own personal religion in the laws and ordinances that govern *you*. Maybe no alcohol sales on Wednesday (Wodin’s Day).
Would ridicule be an acceptable tool in your arsenal to oppose this person, if all else failed?
Or would you meekly submit to the ridiculous, religious-based nonsense law because you “respect their alternative belief”?
Really?
Brent Rasmussen’s last blog ..Ancestral Magnitudes
#32 by CrazyCrazyXtian on January 25, 2010 - 1:59 pm
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Is the only option outside of ridicule meek submission? Certainly not for a well-informed and confident individual. A well reasoned argument does more for one’s position that mockery ever could.
In fact, one can easily argue that mockery does more harm to your position than anything else. Mockery emboldens that entity that is mocked. Why? Because no one worth consideration reduces themselves to such childish tactics.
In the example you provided I’d never reduce myself to mockery as there’s absolutely no need to. Afterall, the constitution’s on my side.
#33 by TheSchmoe on January 29, 2010 - 9:20 pm
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Only you can answer that; the typical cliched Buddha answer right? If you have been able to deal with the change in a mature manner, in full honesty with your surroundings, then I think you may just be like everyone else…opinionated I think these things are critical to not just jumping bandwagons after another. We are social creature so if you can go with your disbelief freely in your social environment that beats anything Dawkins, Harris or Hitchens has written or what skeptical periodical one chooses to read.
Also being an angry atheist is an act of intellectual stupidity…as far as I am personally concerned. I do think it is fair to be angry at things that affect your life that you disagree with, but when taken beyond that, it is just an act of intellectual stupidity. One wants to be angry at what they disbelieve in? I have strong opposing views to various of things…I don’t see how that makes me ‘angry’ at ideas, and I don’t see any reason why it’d be different for you or anyone else.
My view in my own disbelief is this:
There’s no reason to let your disbelief run your life. There’s no reason to let your disbelief define who you are. If you disbelieve, move on.
That’s why now, I hate, absolutely hate the terms, atheist, agnostic, strong atheist, weak atheist…all bullshit to me now. I’m just a human being. I have my opinions about various of topics that are in our existence.
Take it for what you can pull from it I suppose.
TheSchmoe’s last blog ..The Evolutionary Process of Music is not ‘Evolutionary’
#34 by Momofanagnostic on August 14, 2010 - 11:51 am
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From a Christian standpoint this is what I have to offer. For what it’s worth, Jesus never called down any hell – fire – or brimstone against anybody BUT the religious people of His day. His tenderness was toward unbelievers. Religion has a way of twisting the beauty of the Gospel into something it was never meant to be. If you’ve been in the “church” you have probably seen the best of it…crazies and all.
I brought my kids up in the church and now have a son who is agnostic. My problem was that I preached at em….A LOT, but truth without substance is nothing but words. If I new Jesus then like I know Him now…I would have loved more and judged less. What the church has become today is the exact picture of what the Pharisaical church was in the Bible, and I was the biggest pharisee of them all. A finger-pointing, vomit spewing, unloving church member….mostly because that was all I’d ever seen or been taught.
As far as your mom goes, cut her some slack…she probably feels that she is to blame for what, in her mind, will send you to hell. That’s scary for a parent…take it from someone who knows.
So I guess now I’m anti-something…but I don’t think I’ll ever be anti-Jesus.
#35 by Godless Girl on August 16, 2010 - 10:05 pm
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I’m glad to hear your insight. No matter what our beliefs, it’s a sign of maturity and a living heart to love more and judge less. Very good way to live, that.