What do you think about the value and benefit of keeping your thoughts clear of lust, lewd images, and fantasies? Is that a value left tot he religious? Should it be?

I read a note on facebook that struck me as  rather amusing, yet at the same time naive and perhaps a bit misguided. Do you see it that way? As back-story, there is a facebook status meme floating around where you post the color of your bra in order to raise awareness about breast cancer. I think it’s silly, since we all know about breast cancer already and this won’t do anything for those with it, nor the research to end it. However, in the long run I don’t give a damn what your status message is. Apparently, though, some men don’t like it. Here’s one response:

Imagine yourself in front of a room full of every single guy you are friends with on Facebook. Imagine yourself telling each one of them what your bra color is.
Does that weird you out? Yes? Then don’t post the color of your bra in your status.

Not weirded out yet? Then consider that some of the guys reading your status are glad you posted that because it helps them imagine your boobs better. Some of them are grateful to you because you have made it easier to fantasize about you.

Are you ok with that? Then realize some of your guy friends struggle with purity & DON’T WANT to know your bra color. Even if you are comfortable announcing facts about your bra to every single guy in front of you, don’t post your bra color status in consideration of those guys whose lives will be made harder because of it.

Think I am taking a joke & making a big moral issue out of it? Sorry you feel that way. You are entitled to your opinion. I am not the only one that feels this way though. Think it is all just for fun? Ok – aren’t there other ways to have fun that don’t cause your guy friends to think of your boobs?

JoeBob* & a bunch of guys

Interestingly enough, there were 19 likes and 22 comments of agreement in response to this note. What do you honestly think about this young (married, if it matters) man’s reaction? Do you laugh and mock or do you admire him for his desire for a healthy thought life? What if this man was Atheist–would that make a difference to your impression?

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19 thoughts on “Of Bra Colors and Purity”

Veritas · January 9, 2010 at 5:41 pm

I think that if you "struggle with purity" you should be re-examining the way you look at such things. Healthy thinking is making sure you don't treat women as sex objects in your mind. If the first thing you think of when you discuss something as innocent as wardrobe choice, especially when it relates to something as dire as cancer, and you immediately jump to "don't tell me your bra colour 'cause I might wanna fuck you"…there is a problem with how you see women!

@MerrieMelodyxx · January 9, 2010 at 6:35 pm

My knee-jerk reaction: his comment makes me think of rape apologists: "What were you wearing? Weren't you leading him on just a litte? You let him kiss you, so obviously you were interested in sex." It is not someone else's job to keep you pure.

I would also dispute the idea that his desire to not think about breasts (perhaps specifically because it makes him think about sex and that would be "impure") is NOT a healthy thought life. It makes assumptions that sex is dirty and thinking about sex is dirty — and it demonizes the influences, people, or environments that elicit a sexual response. By engaging in that way of looking at the world, he's very specifically made the people he's attracted to a source of contention and will adopt an adversarial approach.

I do not think creed or belief would influence the way I see this person. I might engage differently — if he's a professed proponent of rational thought (something not all atheists are), I might be able to influence how he views women, purity, and sex. But it's exceedingly difficult to reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into.

    Rodiel · March 12, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    ^ This.

    Sex is NOT evil, guys. Seriously.

_7654_ · January 9, 2010 at 6:46 pm

Ok, if someone is struggling with "purity" that much, and knowing someone's bra colour is a potential problem, than maybe the issue is with them, not with the lady who posted the colour of her bra on her status … I don't see it more different of enticing than posting the colour of my tie, and that won't bother any ladies, a am sure. Unless of course it is red with large pink polka dots … 🙂

jesuspoet · January 9, 2010 at 6:46 pm

I think this is misguided. If something as small as the color of someone's bra affects your "struggle for purity," then you probably weren't winning the struggle to begin with. It's taking the whole purity thing a little too far.

RoofWoofer · January 10, 2010 at 9:01 am

Ok, if someone is struggling with “purity” that much, and knowing someone’s bra colour is a potential problem, than maybe the issue is with them

Could be. But the post sounds to me like “consciousness-raising”. If a mental picture of someone you know in a black bra makes it harder for you not to think of them as a sex object instead of as a person, the thing to do is to say so.

In the same way, if men didn’t realize that sexy jokes in the workplace make women uncomfortable, they found out and were able to change when women spoke up about it.

Does it matter why something makes somebody uncomfortable? Do we have to dis them? Or just be aware that there’s something that would be considerate if we choose to do it?<

Stephen Moore · January 10, 2010 at 10:07 pm

…the post sounds to me like “consciousness-raising”. If a mental picture of someone you know in a black bra makes it harder for you not to think of them as a sex object instead of as a person, the thing to do is to say so.

There’s nothing wrong with having a sexual fantasy about another person. Yes, that person does become a sex object for the period of time the fantasy lasts, but that’s a different issue to sexual objectification of a class of people.

Also, why is it the bra wearing woman’s responsibility to ensure that some other person doesn’t become uncomfortable because that other person becomes distressed at the thought of sex? Better get the burqa out of the wardrobe and on to women’s bodies, lest evil sexual thoughts permeate the minds of men.

Adele · January 11, 2010 at 12:21 am

First time posting –

I saw this meme, but didn’t participate in it (was wearing a boring beige bra; didn’t want to spoil my mystique). Thought it was a bit silly, but hey, there are plenty of sillier things on Facebook.

I don’t see how posting the colour of your bra is more ‘dangerous’ than actually wearing a bra (as millions of women do every day! Including, assumably, their mothers and sisters!). So I have to assume that they also oppose women wearing visible bra straps, or ‘immodest’ clothing, which is the sort of infringement on a person’s rights that religious conservatives seem so fond of.

So, while reading this just makes me a bit sad for these poor men (and closeted lesbians), thinking about the logical extensions of their argument makes me angry. Individually, they may not think that women should cover up so as to avoid inserting themselves in to the poor mens’ brains, but that’s probably because they haven’t thought about their complaint very much. They probably haven’t thought hard very much about anything.

Jeff · January 11, 2010 at 11:28 am

It’s basically blaming women for a man’s mistake, which of course is insulting both to men and women. It is precisely this kind of thinking that leads to blaming the victim, continuing the slut/angel dichotomy for women, and treating men as oversexed and incapable of control.

On a personal level, if the person is your friend, speak to them. But they shouldn’t turn it into some issue of sexual ideals, “I lack control so you need to change.” Ridiculous.
.-= Jeff’s last blog ..Mindfulist 1/10 =-.

Unikraken · January 11, 2010 at 4:10 pm

(insert laugh)
(insert mock)
.-= Unikraken’s last blog ..Atheism-themed wallpapers and stuff. =-.

Desiree · February 18, 2011 at 1:33 pm

wow. well, personally, i don’t have any guy friends who “struggle with purity,” unless by that you mean “can’t get laid to save their lives.” my feeling is that if you decide to ignore your human impulses, a girl talking about what color her bra is really isn’t going to affect you much. you’re probably already frustrated as hell and her SMILING would drive you nuts. whateva 😉

NotSoMightyGod · February 18, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Sounds to me like someone in recovery from a pornography addiction. If I’m right, they’re hypersensitive to references like that and afraid that something might set them off on a binge.

Some of these people may not really be prudish, but at a pivotal time where they’re dealing with an issue. (probably a minority, I realize)

It’s hard to distinguish a line where you don’t drink in front of the alcoholic until they can handle it. Facebook is probably not the best place for someone with an issue like that to spend time.

Baird · February 18, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Wait…This man does NOT want to fantasize about boobs?
I’m taking his man-card!

MitzumiKare · May 4, 2011 at 6:13 pm

well this is interesting. I participated because I thought it was funny [and I was in high school. *shakes head and youthful stupidity*] but I really didn’t think it affected any guys around me, if anything, it prompted them to post their imaginary [i hope] bra colors too. I think everyone is taking it too seriously on both ends. It’s a meme and unless there was real information/money involved then it shouldn’t been took so serious.

As for whether this dude is an atheist…well, there are people who attempt to be pure from all walks of life so I wouldn’t be surprised. If he wants to be celibate, that’s on him. It’s the same if a dude decides to think only of your boobs when you post your bra color: It’s their choice.

Gabriel · May 4, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Boobs are evolution’s greatest gifts. That, and opposable thumbs.

Parsley Victorious · May 4, 2011 at 6:58 pm

“don’t post your bra color status in consideration of those guys whose lives will be made harder because of it.”

Really? Knowing the particular colour of a particular bra is somehow going to make your life -harder-? I find that idea laughable. If you’re looking for sexual purity – and you’ll have to define that term further, because I’d be willing to bet that those who seek it have a wide range of definitions – facebook really isn’t the place to be doing it. The pornography-addict scenario posited by NotSoMightyGod might be a possibility, though the use of the word ‘purity’ makes me think that it’s not so in this case, but once again, if you’re struggling to avoid porn, even being on the web is risky. I had a friend who googled ‘linux security’ once and got mostly porn links.

I think that we, as a society, need to get over the idea that sex is somehow inherently evil.

ikonografer · May 6, 2011 at 6:06 am

srsly, joebob, you’ve got friggin’ issues that have NOTHING to do with bra color. that should be near the bottom of your list. you know, like being a man-i’m sorry your female friends have to put up with you.

PaganMusing · May 6, 2011 at 11:04 am

My first reaction is that if knowing a woman’s bra color makes your struggle for purity too hard, then how have you managed to maintain purity while using the internet for so long. Common searches looking for run of the mill information will lead you into a den of significantly more provocative information you hadn’t intended to find all the time. Heck mis-typing a web address could get you in a world of trouble.

My other problem with this: why am I responsible for how or what men think? Even if I was, I’m not talking about being in nothing but my sexy sexy lacy underwear with bow and ribbons and frills and sultry music and candles or whatever it is that does it for this guy. I just said my bra is pink or beige or some other color/pattern. There is no intent for sexual interaction, the language and announced desired response states as much.

Should I not talk about breast cancer because it’s about boobs and it might get some guy a better image of my boobs? Should I avoid talking about gardening or remodeling or other innocuous subjects because some guy somewhere has a fantasy with a girl in such a situation?

And how the fuck did I become responsible for some other person’s purity?

Also you’ll notice the information these ladies revealed with bra color only helps these men better fantasize. Even this dude doesn’t claim that I’ve created the problem.

Robin Geurts · June 25, 2013 at 10:59 pm

Hi, nice site however there is a problem whereby sometimes I get sent back to the base page whenever I view other topics in this website.

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