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She scoffed at every kiss, every sweet show of closeness and intimacy on screen. Exclamations of disgust drooled out the corners of her mouth as if she forgot to swallow a bite of food. Sexuality was shocking, and even a hint of it was met with “Ugh, why did they have to show that?” and “It was a great scene until that happened.” I stewed in my seat, sometimes replying with simple explanations why love is beautiful and married people showing affection is wonderful and normal. She would have none of it.
I’m shocked by how sheltered and closed-off some of my friends are to the real world. Was I ever so afraid of honest, sweet intimacy that I would jeer and shy away at the most innocent hint of it in a PG-13 movie? Yes, I’m sure I was. But why? Why is healthy, loving sexuality a taboo? I can’t answer this, but it bothers me.
I am not shocked or offended by much of anything anymore. My sensitivity to the more basic, animalistic, and often gritty and private parts of humanity has been taken away. Perhaps I miss a bit of my innocence that was lost–sometimes unwillingly–between the sheets, in dark corners, and sitting in front of the computer screen.
My “innocence” consumed so much time, thought, and energy. I worried and fretted about “How far is too far?” and wondering what God and my friends thought about every little thought and curiosity. My most special and personal moments were worthy of scrutiny, bringing shame and anxiety along like heavy luggage.
Without these cumbersome emotions and worries, I think I’ve finally reached a semi-healthy sexuality of my own. I have a lot to work through and erase from my repressive and self-hating past. I love sex; I love love; I adore intimacy, closeness, and passionate fun.
So as we watched this tame, precious love play out on screen between a married couple worth admiring, I smiled, hoping to enjoy the same passion in my future. She blushed, turned her face away, and sighed loudly. Should I wish her innocence away? No, but I hope her blinders come off before she’s confronted with her own love, sex, and intimacy and sabotages a good thing because it’s “gross”.
Sunday, January 10th, 2010, 1:02 pm | 
personal, relationships, society | 
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January 10, 2010 at 1:07 pm
I don’t know. Innocence is overrated, and a concept of the modern world. It was not all that long ago that childhood innocence was considered a crutch (at best) and a crippling state (at worse), when childhood was supposed to be a quick step to adulthood, using firm methods to strip away innocence so that we can produce strong productive members of society.
Now that we have the luxuries of drawing these things out – indeed, now that many people, women, minorities, have the luxury of choosing their own destinies – we have reasserted the value of innocence to our self (rather than as a point of sale, which certainly it was in respect to women up until entirely too recently, and indeed, still in some areas of the world).
But a well-adjusted individual is one who loses their innocence at appropriate points, not one who clings to it well into adulthood. By the time we enter the world as an adult, we should have experimented with drugs and alcohol and sex, and probably should have broken some minor laws, and rebelled against our parents, so that this stuff holds no mystery as we attempt to forge our own path.
Yep, a little preachy. Eh, sorry.
January 10, 2010 at 1:18 pm
I envy you. Even after shedding christianity I still have a less than stellar relationship to my body and to sex. I’m very fortunate though to have found a partner who loves me even with all of my quirks. And who doesn’t set off my touchphobia.
January 11, 2010 at 10:25 am
My reoccurring issues have to do mostly with poor self esteem and a history of dating selfish users. I’m still dealing with them, but having the right partner is a huge help!
GG’s last blog ..When Sex is “Gross”
January 10, 2010 at 1:30 pm
I’m actually engaged in a discussion regarding innocence/sex with a Christian at the moment (although the guy defends Biblical incest solely because it’s in the Bible, so he’s really not much of a debater), and I think it’s a really interesting topic. When I was a Christian, sexuality was presented a dirty, shameful thing and I could never wrap my head around why, but I still felt guilty for even thinking about sex.
Once I began to branch off from my faith and actually look at the ramifications of belief, I realized that what I was told about sex was all a bunch of BS. Telling people sex is bad is simply another way to control believers through their fear and their guilt, and that to me is more disgusting than anything.
Physicality, sexuality, intimacy, love, affection, canoodling, whatever -it is important, all of it, for a full and healthy life. Awareness of your body and what brings you pleasure is a good thing, and I have a deep resentment towards religion for poisoning that pleasure for so many people.
January 10, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Aside from wanting echo what Bailey has said so eloquently, I thought I would add my own two cents, which is: I wish I could take many of the moments I spent feeling guilty about “love” , but also the times I spend making others feel guilty.
January 10, 2010 at 10:34 pm
Repulsion towards sex is not an innocent response from anyone but a pre-teen. A religiously cultivated generalized antipathy towards such a fundamental feature of human life is not innocence, it’s corruption, it’s an eye which sees evil where there is none.
January 10, 2010 at 10:35 pm
Everything she said.
January 11, 2010 at 1:10 am
Sex is only gross if you’re doing it properly.
January 19, 2010 at 2:03 am
What I’ve always wondered about is that people can be so prudish about sex and then turn around and watch ultra-violent shows- a true defilement of the human body and even have their kids watch them.
But if they see Janet Jackson’s oopsie on tv, all hell breaks loose.
Steph’s last blog ..Mental Disorders and Religion
January 19, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Yes, astute point. Many people don’t let their kids watch much violence, but they themselves don’t mind blood and gore for a good time. Isn’t it interesting how one has become so hated over the other?
Then again, sex is a personal, intimate, “sacred” act kept private. Violence, while also personal, does not involve our vulnerability and sense of self in the same way. We can watch a war movie without feeling like we’ve stumbled into someone’s secret diary, but if we see a love scene between a newly married couple, we feel like voyeurs to something that should not be publicized or shared.
January 22, 2010 at 1:41 pm
My question to you is this: Where do you claim this prudity (I just made that word up but love it!) stems from? I argue that the issue is cultural, rather than based in religion. We can merely examine global norms on sexuality and see that religion really isn’t the major factor of influence. Rather, those cultural values are expressed in one’s religion.
January 25, 2010 at 10:20 am
Do you see an explanation for why people in the same cultures can view sexuality in drastically opposing ways–with the teachings of their belief system being the major difference between them?
February 11, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Bet she’s fun on a date. Not.
BTW, #11:
“religion really isn’t the major factor of influence”
Wrong. If religion reflects culture, riddle me this: why is the Christian ban on pre- or extra-marital sex universally extant among all Christian groups in all corners of the world?