She scoffed at every kiss, every sweet show of closeness and intimacy on screen. Exclamations of disgust drooled out the corners of her mouth as if she forgot to swallow a bite of food. Sexuality was shocking, and even a hint of it was met with “Ugh, why did they have to show that?” and “It was a great scene until that happened.” I stewed in my seat, sometimes replying with simple explanations why love is beautiful and married people showing affection is wonderful and normal. She would have none of it.
I’m shocked by how sheltered and closed-off some of my friends are to the real world. Was I ever so afraid of honest, sweet intimacy that I would jeer and shy away at the most innocent hint of it in a PG-13 movie? Yes, I’m sure I was. But why? Why is healthy, loving sexuality a taboo? I can’t answer this, but it bothers me.
I am not shocked or offended by much of anything anymore. My sensitivity to the more basic, animalistic, and often gritty and private parts of humanity has been taken away. Perhaps I miss a bit of my innocence that was lost–sometimes unwillingly–between the sheets, in dark corners, and sitting in front of the computer screen.
My “innocence” consumed so much time, thought, and energy. I worried and fretted about “How far is too far?” and wondering what God and my friends thought about every little thought and curiosity. My most special and personal moments were worthy of scrutiny, bringing shame and anxiety along like heavy luggage.
Without these cumbersome emotions and worries, I think I’ve finally reached a semi-healthy sexuality of my own. I have a lot to work through and erase from my repressive and self-hating past. I love sex; I love love; I adore intimacy, closeness, and passionate fun.
So as we watched this tame, precious love play out on screen between a married couple worth admiring, I smiled, hoping to enjoy the same passion in my future. She blushed, turned her face away, and sighed loudly. Should I wish her innocence away? No, but I hope her blinders come off before she’s confronted with her own love, sex, and intimacy and sabotages a good thing because it’s “gross”.