But I do think that there is a difference between keeping your beliefs or lack thereof to yourself and allowing someone to draw a conclusion about your beliefs that is not true.

I’m projecting – for some reason I find myself dating religious girls and I have a hard time really telling them what I believe. I won’t say that I believe in God, but I won’t exactly say no either. At least not as emphatically as I think in my head. Maybe that’s me thinking with my “other head,” or maybe I can rationalize it with the idea of easing them into a difficult idea, but it still bothers me that I have allowed myself to do this.

As far as the use of the word sin, yes I’m reappropriating the term for secular use – Sin to me is betrayal which seems to fit in this context… though maybe the word is just too loaded for widespread useage.

As to it taking years to achieve normalcy, I would say each family is different. I know of some families who simply ignore their non-believing relatives. Luckily I am from a family who, though very conservative and religious, is very close and is also peppered with a couple other non believers. I think at first my family was more afraid that I was going to reject them, that I was gone, not coming back, they were going to lose me etc. After a few years of being there for Christmas Thanksgiving etc and demonstrating that I am still ME, they have realized that I still am me. Like other commenters have said, most families are bigger than what religion they are.

As such, I could never do what you’re doing. As far as I personally am concerned, I would rather be honest with somebody and if it ruins my relationship with them, so be it; I’d rather have an honest falling-out than retain a relationship under false pretences.

I can understand what keeps you going on in the way you are – I’ve seen it happen before. My parents, for instance, always tell me to keep quiet about my atheism so I don’t scare people off (and I know that’s what they do)… but I can’t do that. It feels dishonest to me.

When talking to my relations about atheism, I’ve actually made some surprising discoveries. My grandmother, for instance, I would never have expected to be an atheist – her husband was, but she always acted very religious, went to synagogue every morning, etc. Upon talking to her I discovered that she actually doesn’t really believe any of it, she just goes to synagogue for the company and thinks it would be really nice if it were true (but knows it isn’t). Hearing her say that absolutely floored me… but she won’t say so to anybody else…

You seem to be pursuing a rational strategy based on how you feel about the projected outcomes.

In case it’s relevant, I’ll add that we’re not obligated to deconvert those closest to us. (As I like to say, the Borg do not assimilate individuals.) Writing blogs, letters to the editor, etc, is an effective way to work for the cause. Futile or personally expensive efforts to deconvert those closest to us (family, co-workers, clients, etc.), may actually reduce our overall effectiveness for the cause.
.-= doctor(logic)’s last blog ..An Argument Against Libertarian Free Will =-.

My family isn’t very large, but they all know I’m atheist. My step-mother is somewhat “agnostic”, I also have an atheist Uncle and half-sister. Perhaps it runs in the family.

more seriously, many of us are in the closet to some extent, whether at work, or within a family or a social group. it’s not cowardice and it’s certainly not sinning. it is a matter of convenience, nothing more.