Why I’m Childfree

Photo by Mohammad R. Riza (flickr)

There are many people who believe that being childfree (or better yet, “childless by choice”) is a negative trait, especially for a woman. Because I have the body parts and natural cycles that evolution has given to human females, the assumption is that I would desire children and be willing to have them should I “find the right man” or “feel my clock ticking.”

Not having kids is also seen as something to pity. Others who have children know what it’s like to feel that intense love bond between family members and they enjoy raising up the next generation. That’s all puppies and rainbows if that’s what you choose for your life. Many people like myself do not want that for our futures, and we know it is our right to choose and not be pitied or accused of being selfish or ignorant.

Why I’m Childfree

I don’t want kids.

That’s the gist of it, folks. No deep answers from me or essays justifying my desires and my dreams. I don’t need to make excuses. I’m delighted with my choice to not have children! I’ll miss out on some great experiences parents have, but I’ll be an available friend or relative to support them. I’ll gain the benefits of being an adult without such a lifelong responsibility: I’ll have more money, more ability to be flexible and involved in my hobbies and goals, and I won’t lack love, friendship, or joy.

Check out more reasons why people choose a childfree lifestyle.

If You Have a Childfree Friend or Family Member

If you adore kids and want them in your life, I applaud you and thank you. That’s a wonderful life profession that takes serious work and commitment. I am so glad you are in our society. Please do a good job.

Since we disagree on this important issue, it might help you to know what sorts of words or arguments are commonly used that do not help childfree individuals feel loved, understood, nor supported.

Avoid these common phrases or arguments:

  • You’re not a fulfilled woman without the experience of having children. [Not only would you sting the childless by choice with this arrogant and ignorant attitude, but also the infertile and single.]
  • Even if you don’t want them now, you’ll want them later.
  • When you meet the right guy, you’ll want to start a family with him because that’s the evidence of true love and unity.
  • Having children and creating a family is the highest calling of a couple. It’s for the greater good.
  • We’re biologically designed to reproduce; why fight it?
  • It’s what God wants. [I recommend skipping the god-talk all together, especially with seculars like myself. Talk to us in our own language.]
  • But you’d be a great parent! [Being a good person and able to take care of and love someone else does not mean they must procreate.]
  • I was just like you before! [I’m sure you were childless and happy once. Good for you. We’re happy to stay there and that’s fine for us.]
  • You just don’t understand. [This is so insulting.]

Above all things, do not belittle or invalidate a childfree person. It is a sign that you are not truly listening to what they have to say nor respecting how they feel.

Why Are Childfree People Mean?

We’re not!

Okay, some people are douchebags, but you can find those anywhere.

Here’s a video of typical responses from mothers about being childfree by choice. These ladies are mostly arguing against the angry, bitter population of childfree choicers on the internet, and hot damn, they are not kidding. I’ve read the thoughts, rants, and views of the “militants”, and they offend and annoy me too!

I consider myself a moderate person who supports everyone’s right to choose and encourages families to succeed and children to grow up happy and well. I don’t hate children or think parents are evil. These are extremes. Let’s not go to extremes. There is no need to be nasty and unkind to parents because you do not have something in common with them.

Kids in My Future

Am I always going to be childless by choice? I don’t know. Just like I’m open to new evidence for deities and other mysteries, I am also open to changing my mind about having children. It is a tiny opening, but I’m willing to re-consider my opinions. I don’t foresee a change happening soon (or ever), nor think that my currently non-existent maternal instinct will suddenly kick in when I meet a certain man or turn 35.

This admission of a possibility does not mean I secretly want kids or that I’m just spending a few years having fun before I “settle down”.  It means I am not  bull-headed enough to say “never”.

To My Fellow Childfree Friends

If you also feel pressured by family, friends, or culture to do things just because of preconceived notions of “how it’s done”–guess what!–You’re not alone!

If your mother wants grandchildren, that’s her issue, not yours. If your best friend has three kids and can’t stop talking about how they’re the best thing to ever happen to her, be glad for her but also share and relish what is joyous and fulfilling in your life. Embrace your freedom and your personal decisions. Follow your dreams, and don’t be trapped by society’s expectations.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
April 24, 2010  |  personal, relationships, society


  1. Hello my loved one! I wish to say that this post is amazing, great written
    and come with approximately all important infos. I’d like to look more posts like this .

  2. Green weight loss pills that works, such as headaches, nausea, insomnia, and anxiety.
    A lot of health benefits of green tea before menopause are 50 percent less likely to develop
    breast cancer at all.

  3. Dear Childfree People,
    If you want to do a better thing than raising a child, come to http://chetlifestyle.wordpress.com/ and talk with us about childfreeness, overpopulation and other sustainability issues.

  4. Here are my own reasons for not wanting children and also not wanting a breeder as a partner:

    The Importance Of Being Childfree:

    Any man in his 60ies looking for a childfree non-religious woman is welcome to read more of my blog.

  5. It seems most of the societies and cultures the world over are obsessed with the idea of females producing babies and men acting as providers. As a collective entity, society has nothing radical or deep to provide other than selling time run traditions time and again. Duh!

  6. Thank you men and women for this website! Now I know that I am not the only human being in soeicty that feels this way. I am currently in a relationship with a beautiful mother with two kids and this relationship is really taking it’s toll because of our differences.Although I will admit that my father was abusive with me during my upbringing; I still believe that this is not the reason why I dislike kids & don’t have any kids of my own.. As much as I try to force myself to be a part of the family I am the way I am, her kids know it and I am starting to recent them for ruining our relationship. I do love them, but they do annoy me most of the time. The are 13 (boy) and 15 (girl), know that I am not affectionate and that they wouldn’t get away with half of the things they get away with if I was the father. They do get good grades in school therefore the mother lets them get away with the misbehaving must of the time.She is a divorced single mother that somewhat despises her ex-husband for cheating on her. She doesn’t admit it, but believes that every man is a player and does not trust anyone, this is also part of the problem. As much as I can understand her situation of having to raise her kids at a very young age, the father eventually excepted his responsibilities as a parent and has joint custody.Why am I in this relationship you might ask? Because I met her at work and had never dated anyone with kids (she was my first). So no I didn’t know what I was getting myself into; I dislike when people say that, lol! I moved in with her and her kids 10 months after we began dating, figured since we lived so far away and we were always together that it was the best thing to do. It has been 2.2 yrs and I am starting to second guess my decision. I need some good advice from people that think alike


  1. How To Take Good Pictures Of People: Photography Secrets Revealed! | Evans Photography Studio
  2. Childfree « The Word Warrior
  3. To Procreate or Not to Procreate: That is the Question | Clandestine Underground
  4. Childless By Choice - Dina RunsDina Runs
  5. Why I Don’t Want Children | Ms. Roberts

Leave a Reply