Your Daily Woo: What’s Your Sign?

Hey baby, what’s your sign? You don’t know anymore, do you?

Woo-woo lovers everywhere are going apeshit because the astrological calendar has added a 13th sign, Ophiuchus (try to get a sexy tattoo of that on your ass, ladies). This addition shifts the dates for all the other signs:

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18- May 13
Taurus: May 13- June 21
Gemini: June 21- July 20
Cancer: July 20- Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16- Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20

Take me for example. I used to be a Pisces, which means that I was (supposedly) intuitive, dreamy, artistic, humane, sympathetic, sensitive, compassionate, perceptive, tender, and impressionable.

Here’s the NEW me: Aquarius! I’m (supposedly) individualistic, assertive, independent, humanitarian, inventive, original, eccentric, opinionated, intellectual, idealistic, cool, friendly, and detached. How can you be both friendly and detached? I have no idea, but apparently that’s who I am. The stars told me so!

Hey, maybe it is true! According to my profiles, as a Pisces I was “spiritual” but now I’m an “intellectual” and “logical” Aquarius! :D

I find this stuff to be both interesting and ridiculous. I admit I love knowing more about myself and analyzing my traits and personality. Does that mean I take astrology seriously? Shit no. The stars can’t tell me who I am more than a cold reading by any psychic.

But damn, I love seeing people freak out that their Zodiac tattoos are now incorrect. Are you passionate or intelligent now? Are you compatible with an Aries or not? The internet is filling up with cries of OMGAHH, HOW WILL I LIVE WITHOUT SOMEONE TELLING ME WHAT MY PERSONALITY IS SUPPOSED TO BE.

I get the feeling that the dewoosional are just empty shells waiting for someone else to fill them with fluff. Fill your own shell … with cheese or maybe a personality or an original thought!

This Aquarius is going to go listen to some music to celebrate my new personality.

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12 Comments


  1. Ah, this old new discovery again. I still have some of the newspaper clippings from January 1996, the last time this old new discovery was oldly newly discovered. Come to that, I still have the astronomy book I had as a child which had all the same information in it.

    • I heard about the Zodiac shift a year or two ago, but not about a 13th sign. Nobody was freaking out about it then, but all of a sudden this is big fuckin’ news (well, on social media, anyway). I’m not sure why this is different than your 1996 reading and my 2-year-old one. It’s still bullshit, at least!

  2. I’m not a Libra anymore.. shit, my entire universe has turned upside down!

  3. I refuse to be a Gemini.
    Them people are punks.
    My Astronomologist told me so.

  4. LOL. I was supposed to be Pisces and like you, I am supposed to be Aquarius now. Have you seen Richard Dawkins input on astrology in his “The enemies of reason?” series? Very nice stuff and I totally agree. This is why I call it “asstrology”, I believe that’s a better name for it.
    Nice post as always.

  5. Actually these new dates don’t apply to traditional western astrology which is more based on the seasons. Western astrology is “tropical” while eastern astrology is “sidereal” and relies more on the stars. So if you’re in the west and more than likely follow a tropical western view of astrology (if you even believe in this bullshit at all, lol) then your sign has not changed. :)

    http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/01/13/no-your-zodiac-sign-hasnt-changed/

    • How comforting for those who suddenly regretted their heartfelt devotion to a certain sign. I’m not sure if I should pass this link along, or if I should enjoy the continued panic and pop some popcorn.

      • I’m in favor of the latter…

        But, then, I consider “asstronomy,” as Sibel calls it, to be just as viral as any of the common religions. Adherents seem to discount anything supported by empirical evidence as opposed to the (at best) anecdotal “evidence” that supports their virus’ claim to infallibility.

        Sort of like the god-dripping woman I know who, when she saw me in the grocery a couple weeks ago, told me she prayed for me every time she saw me riding to work or home from work. When I responded that I rarely have any real problems with motorists, she was convinced that her prayers were working. Never mind that I’m a confident, capable bicycle rider who knows how to ride in traffic. Never mind that the vast majority of motorists have no interest in running me down (although they get a bit edgy when they can’t get past me as quickly as they think they should be able to do). Never mind that the god to whom she is praying doesn’t answer her prayers (why don’t those bible-thumpers pray for something good like regeneration of amputated limbs?), simply because something that isn’t there won’t answer.

        Sorry. Digression over. Back to your regularly-scheduled chuckle over the disruption of the beliefs of the “asstrologists.”

      • The panic is a bit obnoxious to me, lol. It’s makes me weep more for mankind the more people I see spending any time fretting about such a dumb and clearly not real arena like astrology.

        And anyway, it’s all made up so why would science have any sort of effect on it? It just kinda blows my mind. It’s like when Pluto was demoted from planet status how everyone threw a fit (and many still do today if you bring it up). Pluto is still there. It still orbits the sun. It’s still called Pluto. It’s just not a “planet.” I felt the same way then as I do now. It’s all just really silly to get all worked up about it. Pluto is still Pluto no matter how science defines it and astrology is still fake no matter what science says about the rotation of the planet. So I’d rather try to quiet the bitching and moaning before it gets too out of hand, lol.

  6. Off-topic, but purely for blog management: would you consider putting the divider with the link to comments at the bottom of your posts, rather than the top? Small, I know, but very handy.

  7. OMG (oh my Galileo I say it stands for, btw!).

    I SWEAR ON MY LIFE, I read this 7 years ago. Now it’s EVERYWHERE.

    Okey, one more time: I read about this, decided to test it out my my friends. I read two descriptions, and asked to pick a friend one of the fitted. Didn’t say old or new, didn’t say which friend.

    On 4 friends and their siblings? NEW sign actually fit on everyone. Crazy.

    But I do guess, if saying the stars above your head at the time of your birth should make any sense, at least the stars should be OVER YOUR HEAD!! Because that’s the whole problem, everything suddenly changed places.”You’re life will go about this way, because THESE stars were over your head a both before/after your birth!”..

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