That’s Not Okay, Cupid: Online Dating Seduction Fails

One of the ways I’ve worked to increase my confidence while also having fun is dating casually. And nothing makes this experiment more like a good game of Russian Roulette than finding possible romantic interests on the internet. It’s a Gong Show out there, folks. Don’t go wandering alone without a good sense of humor and thick armor. Oh, and condoms. If you go into heat, package your meat.

I’m currently using the free (and rather great for seculars) dating site OKCupid to fetch possible mates from a population of over 1.5 million. I rather like it, and have met some very nice/sexy/awkward/off-putting/lovable people through it. Though if you think finding a worthy friend, fuckbuddy, or spouse in this large group would be easy, think again. We’re wading into the shallow end of the online dating pool here, folks. You’ll have to sift through characters like this:

(Click to scroll through the gallery)

And then there was my experience yesterday that gave me a bad case of the ragetweet:

OKCupid Fail

Because every woman who is mature about her sexuality, is not embarrassed of her fat body, and who enjoys sex must be totally okay with Neanderthalithic behavior like this, right? Because why wouldn’t she want it? The slut.

Welcome to the world of online dating.

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May 31, 2012  |  personal, quotes, relationships, society


  1. OK, this sounds like a lot of fun, but your experience was an excellent and funny reminder why I’m really not into dudes. :-)

    Love your writing sister!


  2. Tina in Houston

    When I was trolling the Internet for dates the most common line was “what are you wearing?” followed by “do you have any nude pictures?” Thanks for the ride down memory lane! Good luck!

  3. Thank you for such a timely post. I received the notification on my feedreader while perusing OKC. While you’re right that it’s a haven for single secularists, it’s no easier than any other form of dating… and is in some respects more difficult. Two years and counting. Keep your chin up. :-)

  4. Hey, there’s always hope – I met my girlfriend through an online dating site. We’ve been together over three years now, and I’m going to ask her to marry me soon.

  5. I’ll second that it’s not quite an “abandon hope all ye who enter” thing. I met a woman on Yahoo personals in August of 2007. Both of us had atheist in our profiles.

    We married in July of 2009. Every day, I set a new personal record for number of consecutive days happily married.

    If it matters to you, I started self-identifying as atheist while in middle school, a bit before Jerry Falwell burst on the national scene. It was a bit more recent for my wife–probably within the last fifteen years.

  6. Ahahaha, oh man, I’m linking to this post from my blog. It’s so hilarious and true! The ways that people behave on OKC can be really bizarre, and while I kind of understand why/how they have been socialized to think that it’s acceptable, I REALLY wish they didn’t. It’s gross.

  7. It always amazes me that anyone thinks such an approach works. I really have to wonder how these people tie their own shoes without drooling all over them.

  8. I think this is why “dating in san jose” is much better than online dating. Not only will you actually see the person that you want to be with, you’ll also be able to spend quality time with that person. And you disregard any possibility of you being fooled online, which is a common case today.

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  13. Those dudes’ nicknames are painted out on screenshots, but written in filenames. You probably should rename them.

  14. Well, (thinking from a male perspective) people often when register at cupid or other online dating website they choose some “badass” nicknames to attract female. And of course they only look for partners to have (you know what) without eve trying to get her in the mood, make her laugh make her attracted to him, of course which will lead to the goal he wanted.. And at the end they usually log off with (empty hands)

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