Godless Girl

July 16th, 2010

Online Life Is Real Life

illustration by jessalyn aaland

You know the pattern: trolls infect message boards; disrespectful thoughts are voiced in comments; vile hatred and immature squabbling is shrugged off… all because this online world we both inhabit at this very moment (me writing, you reading) is considered an escape from reality.

Lovers and friends make acquaintances via dating sites, games, and social networks. A global conversation occurs over an electronic medium. Cultures collide, meld, and leak over into each other’s midst all without physical contact.

And still, we shrug off these situations (good and bad) like poor substitutes for living. You wouldn’t believe how many people do not think meeting your partner online is a valid. Or that your friendships that develop through a game or a chat room could possibly hold the meaning of the friends local to you.

But are these virtual experiences and venues any less valid or effective than those that happen in person? Look at all that we accomplish through virtual avenues: raising funds and awareness for global causes; connecting people who can change the world from thousands of miles away; spreading knowledge and ideas to those who may not have access to them otherwise; and, on a personal note, helping people like me learn how to see the world and my place in it in a totally new way. The online world brings change, freedom, and so much more.

Why do we discount an online life? Why do we act as if “Real Life” is always more meaningful, respectful, and worthy of our care? Why do we act differently online than we think is appropriate in “Real Life”?’

Here’s what Alexandra Samuel says at the Harvard Business Review:

It’s time to start living in 21st century reality: a reality that is both on- and offline. Acknowledge online life as real, and the Internet’s transformative potential opens up:

When you commit to being your real self online, you discover parts of yourself you never dared to share offline.

When you visualize the real person you’re about to e-mail or tweet, you bring human qualities of attention and empathy to your online communications.

When you take the idea of online presence literally, you can experience your online disembodiment as a journey into your mind rather than out of your body.

When you treat your Facebook connections as real friends instead of “friends”, you stop worrying about how many you have and focus on how well you treat them.

When you take your Flickr photos, YouTube videos and blog posts seriously as real art, you reclaim creative expression as your birthright.

When you focus on creating real meaning with your time online, your online footprint makes a deeper impression.

When you treat your online attention as a real resource, you invest your attention in the sites that reflect your values, helping those sites grow.

When you spend your online time on what really matters to you, you experience your time online as an authentic reflection of your values.

When you embrace online conversations as real, you imbue them with the power to change how you and others think and feel.

When you talk honestly about the real joys and frustrations of the Internet, you can stop apologizing for your life online.

If this sounds like the kind of reality you want to live in, I’ve got great news: you can move in today. All it takes is the decision to treat your online existence seriously, honestly and attentively, and you will find that the Internet is RLT: Real Life Too.

What do you think about this? Are online life and offline life different for you? Should they be?

Category relationships, society | Comment 12 Comments »

Tags: culture internet

July 14th, 2010

“One of Those Days” and Interpreting God’s Will

Let’s say I’m late for work; I forget my medications; I’m stuck in traffic; My boss is in a foul mood; All my assignments are late or need correcting; The website goes down; My body aches; I forgot about a meeting at which I’m presenting; My car’s falling apart; I lose a receipt I need to return something expensive; It’s so hot Dick Cheney water boarded himself; I’m sweating all over; My boyfriend pays more attention to his game than to me; I don’t have money for laundry and am on my last pair of underwear; The kids who live upstairs are screaming; Our air conditioner breaks; I can’t sleep because of anxiety …

from saintdisillusion.wordpress.com

We’ve all had “those days”—the ones when you used to think the universe was out to get you and would stop at nothing to ruin your measly little life—have changed perhaps more than any others in my experience since I left religion and faith behind. Or, more accurately, my response to these days has changed.

I used to think there was a message or a meaning behind every little coincidence or mishap. If I was delayed in traffic, that meant I probably missed a car accident and God was protecting me by making me late. If everything was falling apart at work, maybe God was telling me I needed to chose another profession. If I was feeling depressed or anxious, it was because I wasn’t in line with God’s plan and wasn’t intimately connected with him.

I was arrogantly obsessed with “interpreting the signs.” It’s just as “woo-woo” as it sounds. As a Christian I did it all the time, constantly, and about everything. Christianity involves a lot of guesswork that’s dressed up to look more reliable. Sensing or interpreting “God’s will” or the meaning of the doldrums of life is just part of having faith in a completely silent and unknowable supernatural being. Believers are left on their own to figure out what the fuck is going on and what they should do next. I’ve written more about the Christian life and God’s will if you fancy a read.

As an atheist, life’s journey is simply better and more reliable. As Carl Sagan said:

The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent.

I don’t blame my misfortunes/bad luck/coincidences on anyone or anything. Neither the universe nor a god is out to get me or to communicate to me through my circumstances. Since there is no god, I don’t need to worry about reading its mind to find out what it wants from me. A new job? A new boyfriend? Those choices are up to me, just as they should be. There is no grand “will” or “purpose” to interpret or guess. Atheism is, I’ve found, much easier and simpler than submitting to a religion. It keeps the responsibility of life on the individual and not on an imaginary force.

Oh, I guess there’s one exception: I admit to sometimes assigning motives and personalities to inanimate objects. When my computer, Miss Mary Mac (yes, I named her it), malfunctions, I either smack her it upside the monitor and tell her it to behave, or I stroke the monitor and promise it I’ll be nice if it will just work for once. I’m an abusive owner, I know. I don’t actually believe my Mac really has a plan or a bad motive against me; I just pretend it does to work out my frustrations.

Even if I have “one of those days” when everything goes wrong and I nearly fall back into the superstitious belief that there must be some sort of evil plan to thwart my success, I can now comfort myself with the knowledge of the natural world and how shit just happens once in a while. I am not being punished; No one is trying to communicate a message to me; All I have to do is my very best, and that’s what matters.

Category christianity, god, personal, religion, skepticism and freethought | Comment 7 Comments »