comic by Ken Fager
After my family stopped attending Catholic mass regularly and started frequenting a Presbyterian church, I discovered the absolute delight of “Communion Sundays,” which were only once a month. I loved the tiny little plastic cups passed around in fitted brass plates. After sipping up the grape juice, I would do the classy and mature thing by sticking my tongue into the cup to get every last drop from the bottom. I’d suction it onto my tongue, waggle it around, and make silly faces at my friends until an adult noticed and I had to busy myself with the bulletin or something.
My favorite part of Communion Sunday was the bread. I loved that bread. I sometimes called it “3-D Jesus” because it was in a small cubed form instead of the flat, bland wafers we used to dissolve on our tongues at mass. No crackers or matzo here, just soft cubes of a dead guy.
The best thing about this bread was its taste: it was sweet like buttered honey and it fairly melted into your teeth like a soft candy. Jesus tasted damn good. I once tried to take more bread from the passing plate, but I felt ashamed that someone might see, so I contented myself with just one tiny square of Jesus.
Now that it’s not even symbolically holy and I still remember the scrumptious taste of that bread on my tongue, I very much want to eat it again—but in mach larger quantities. Did they buy it or bake it? Is this a common communion food among protestant churches? I’ve googled “sweet communion bread recipe” and not come up with anything particularly enticing.
If you’re out there, Jesusbread baker, can you give me your recipe? I want some with a little honey on top. Like, now. I’m starving.
Anne Rice was raised a Catholic and left the religion to do her own thing for many years. Much to the delight of Christians who like to name drop (and especially those who hate vampires), she reverted to Catholicism in 1998, dedicating her writing and life to Jesus.
“I Quit”
But twelve years later, the tide has turned once again. Rice recently spread this news via her facebook page:
Today I quit being a Christian. I’m out. I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being “Christian” or to being part of Christianity. It’s simply impossible for me to “belong” to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten …years, I’ve tried. I’ve failed. I’m an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else.
As I said below, I quit being a Christian. I’m out. In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of …Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.
–Anne Rice, author 2010
You can imagine all the atheists eating this for lunch, can’t you? Can’t you smell the delight over someone famous leaving Christianity? Everyone likes having a public figure on their team. Free endorsements!
However…
Not Good Enough
Good for Rice that she finally recognized the mess of this religion. I understand not wanting to identify with much of Christianity—especially the fundamentalist branches that make a business out of being anti-everyone–but that’s not good enough!
Rice is clearly not abandoning her mythology and superstitious delusions. She’s leaving conservative, fundamentalist Christianity behind and making a political stand out of it. But what about liberal Christianity that is still based on the same myths, but is dressed up in hipster clothing and a laissez faire attitude? When Rice realizes the whole shit n’ caboodle is based on a false premise, then perhaps she might leave for good. Perhaps.
What do you think?
(hat tip goodreasonnews)
Trees are so hot. I just want to hump one right now. Like this guy!
Or maybe… not.
This facebook conversation could have been stolen from one of many a debates I had with other Christians when I was in college. We discussed the topic of masturbation more than anyone should. As you may know, the question “how far is too far?” is more than popular with those battling raging hormones.
A consensus on whether masturbation was sinful or permissible was hard to come by; but in the end, a middle ground was reached that still let people pleasure themselves, but gave it a nice “sinless” protective barrier. So long as you did not lust and go against what Jesus taught in Matthew 5:27-28, you were not sinning. However, if you fantasized or involved anyone else in the act, you were a dirty sexual deviant.
The idea that someone could masturbate without shame or sin is extremely popular with the young adult crowd. Christianity is calling you a nasty sinner if your hands explore your golden chalice/divining rod/pick your own name–even as your natural (supposedly created by god) body is telling you yes, yes YES! So how do you escape the thought police and still have that tremendous, shuddering release? Think about trees; imagine taking a Chemistry final; recite something you’ve memorized… and my personal favorite: pray!
Yes, I was actually told that if I prayed while I played, that god would keep me from sinning.
It didn’t help. In fact, that seems pretty fucked up to me.
Hey Christians, if any of you read this, here’s a tip: If you want a healthy sex life in your future, don’t teach yourself early on that what comes naturally to you is shameful or dirty. Masturbation is just fine! And the mind is the most powerful sex organ you have. Don’t stifle it! And for goodness sake, don’t pray while you masturbate.
photo by Photo Giddy
Did a man ever exist whose name was Yeshua son of Yosef and Miriam, whose professions were carpenter/stoneworker and rabbi, and who was put to death by crucifixion? Was he the messiah? Was he made up by his followers? Was he just a normal bloke who taught unconventional ideas who ended up on the wrong side of the law?
What do you think? I’ve embedded the poll here. Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Loading ...NOTE: This poll was technically flawed when it was first posted, so I decided to start from scratch! Thanks for understanding. –GG, Dec. 4, 2010
Meghan on 
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