What’s more adorable than a child imitating a ritual you’ve taught them? A child bossing around his or her friends so that they feel a social pressure to copy along.
I am fortunate that I don’t have much hatemail to sort through despite having an atheist blog filled with snark and sassmouthin’. So when I get choice emails like this, it’s fun to share them with the entire class:
Wtf godless girl really?… Ur takin these stories and makin them sound crazy with ur ghetto gibberish I really wanna blow up on ur stupid retarted ass ppl like u hold other ppl back in growin in the lord you make it look like it a bad book are you readin it to twist the words around and make it look like u want it to say I’m sorry but u need to stfu and Gtfu really this kinda crap pisses me off to the fullest may god have mercy on u for sharin this kinda nonsense. And may god forgive me for speaking with a wicked tounge
-Erica
Thanks, Erica; that was a lot of fun. I’m not sure to which post you are referring, but perhaps it was “WTF Bible Stories: Rape, Marriage, and Circumcision“ or maybe “Sexism in the Bible.” If Yahweh wants to clarify the “ghetto gibberish” my “retarded ass” is writing, he’s more than welcome. He didn’t communicate very well the first time around, wouldn’t you say?
Cheers!
Calamities of Nature comic - July 20, 2011. Click to enlarge.
[source]
Nothing like a comic to drill-down something complex into four (funny) panels.
What is it with the phrase “smoking hot wife” right now in protestant Christianity? Is this a fad I’ve missed out on since I’m:
- Single?
- Atheist?
There are too many Christianese clichés to count, but this particular one catches me off-guard because it makes me picture two people rumpling the foreskin after church.
We get it folks; you want to show off how badass-naughty Christians can be. Obviously secular culture is just dirty and sinful in its sexuality and doesn’t have the firey burning love machine you have in your bed. Your smokin’ hot brides are giving you the best Jesus-blessing sex of your lives, right? Way to tease the singles though. Are you about to go home and get it on? Thanks for telling us about it. Jesus loves watching you make whoopie next to that cross on your wall.
Want to read a fabulous list of current Christian cliches even the believers hate? Check this out (and don’t miss the comments!). Here are some of my favorites:
love on, as in, “Let’s just love on these precious kids.”
Uhm… hi there.
just. This is a mild but pervasive example that peppers many prayers and is intended, I suppose, to express humility.
Christ-follower. A problematic trend in recent years is calling oneself this rather than a Christian. I understand the embarrassment the label Christian can cause when it aligns one with others who are not as smart, savvy, or theologically and politically progressive as oneself. (Yes, that was sarcasm, another language altogether).
Let us pray. “Dear Father God, we just come before you as Christ-followers. Just bless us today and just shower us with your cleansing rain and just forge us holy fire today, God. Oh Father God we just ask that your holy spirit just fills us up with your smokin’ hot love.”
Yeah, that probably happened at church yesterday.
Here’s one of the best prayers ever that uses a few of my favourite crazy Christianese phrases:
Thank you for giving me a stomach ache of joy, NASCAR. Oh, and Jesus. And this guy’s smokin’ hot wife. And Talladega Nights. Buggity boogity boogity, AMEN!
Olin Thang on 
Cortez Frisch on 
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