What’s more adorable than a child imitating a ritual you’ve taught them? A child bossing around his or her friends so that they feel a social pressure to copy along.

Wtf  godless girl really?… Ur takin these stories and makin them sound crazy with ur ghetto gibberish I really wanna blow up on ur stupid retarted ass ppl like u hold other ppl back in growin in the lord you make it look like it a bad book are you readin it to twist the words around and make it look like u want it to say I’m sorry but u need to stfu and Gtfu really this kinda crap pisses me off to the fullest may god have mercy on u for sharin this kinda nonsense. And may god forgive me for speaking with a wicked tounge

-Erica

Thanks, Erica; that was a lot of fun. I’m not sure to which post you are referring, but perhaps it was “WTF Bible Stories: Rape, Marriage, and Circumcision“ or maybe “Sexism in the Bible.” If Yahweh wants to clarify the “ghetto gibberish” my “retarded ass” is writing, he’s more than welcome. He didn’t communicate very well the first time around, wouldn’t you say?

Cheers!

Calamities of Nature comic - July 20, 2011. Click to enlarge.

[source]

Nothing like a comic to drill-down something complex into four (funny) panels.

1.  Single?
2. Atheist?

There are too many Christianese clichés to count, but this particular one catches me off-guard because it makes me picture two people rumpling the foreskin after church.

We get it folks; you want to show off how badass-naughty Christians can be. Obviously secular culture is just dirty and sinful in its sexuality and doesn’t have the firey burning love machine you have in your bed. Your smokin’ hot brides are giving you the best Jesus-blessing sex of your lives, right? Way to tease the singles though. Are you about to go home and get it on? Thanks for telling us about it. Jesus loves watching you make whoopie next to that cross on your wall.

Want to read a fabulous list of current Christian cliches even the believers hate? Check this out (and don’t miss the comments!). Here are some of my favorites:

love on, as in, “Let’s just love on these precious kids.”

Uhm… hi there.

just. This is a mild but pervasive example that peppers many prayers and is intended, I suppose, to express humility.

Christ-follower. A problematic trend in recent years is calling oneself this rather than a Christian. I understand the embarrassment the label Christian can cause when it aligns one with others who are not as smart, savvy, or theologically and politically progressive as oneself. (Yes, that was sarcasm, another language altogether).

Let us pray. “Dear Father God, we just come before you as Christ-followers. Just bless us today and just shower us with your cleansing rain and just forge us holy fire today, God. Oh Father God we just ask that your holy spirit just fills us up with your smokin’ hot love.”

Yeah, that probably happened at church yesterday.

Here’s one of the best prayers ever that uses a few of my favourite crazy Christianese phrases:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Thank you for giving me a stomach ache of joy, NASCAR. Oh, and Jesus. And this guy’s smokin’ hot wife. And Talladega Nights. Buggity boogity boogity, AMEN!

How should non-Christians respond? Why, using our wits of course! Just like any enterprising non-believer who looks forward to the Christian Rapture, here’s a guy with the right idea:

Click to see full-size

Oh, and if any of you Christians have pets: All dogs do not go to Heaven. We can tale care of them too them too.

And then my mind was blown. He is so much more.

My flat mate introduced me to this man’s passion for the paranormal and love for conspiracy theories. He’s even a Hollywood spokesperson for The Mutual UFO Network (MUFON).

Did you know Dan Aykroyd made vodka?

Click here to view the embedded video.

This video was the sole reason we bought Crystal Head Vodka. We just could not contain our mirth. The bottle is now sitting on our bookcase, and the vodka is actually rather tasty.

For all you Netflix members, there’s an interview-posing-as-documentary on Netflix Streaming called “Dan Aykroyd Unplugged on UFOs” that is just as hilarious as any UFO believer raving on about the topic—except this is Dan Aykroyd being serious, which makes it even more funny to me. The description on Netflix reads: “Skeptics beware!” So obviously, skeptics should grab the popcorn and enjoy this failure of a documentary. I can’t even describe the terrible narration by the interviewer, cheap camcorder production value, and the graphics. Glorious.

I think Aykroyd might just be the most entertaining rambler of all time:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Related: The “Good News” is a protection racket.

Originally by Landon Schurtz, a graduate student of Philosophy at the University of Oklahoma

[Source]

Here’s a hilarious gem from David Cross of Arrested Development fame. If I could see a live routine, I’d be in heaven (riding in the back of my hot pink Hummer limo with St. Michael acting as my chauffeur).

Hat Tip: The Good Atheist

Something tells me most Christians would laugh at this theology, and not just us atheists.

(via hatefulatheist)