Photo by Campin Guy
When you reach eighth grade, you’re at the top of your game: You have an amusing case of senioritis that provides an abundance of confidence and slackitude (yes, that is a word today). Compared to your 7th and 6th grade peons, you’re mature, smart, attractive, and “have it all together”. While they’re still in training bras or hoping a chin hair will suddenly appear, you’re at the top of the food chain, dolling out advice and wisdom to whatever child will take it. You’ve found your niche. You finally feel like you have a voice. Eighth grade was one of the best school years of my life. I loved it.
And then you become a freshman. Suddenly you’re thrust into an unfamiliar environment with people bigger than you who know more about absolutely everything. You can’t even find your way to the water fountain, much less lead a clique or have control over your life. Books are heavier, assignments are longer, and you are suddenly taught something called “critical thinking” (well, in some schools, anyway). Not everyone is like you anymore, and you feel lost, intimidated, and insecure. You have a lot of growing to do. I remember hating my high school for months before I finally accepted the transition into the new environment.
For me, leaving Christianity was a lot like graduating from eighth grade to high school.
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For one year I was romantically entangled with a polyamorous man. He explained that he and his partner had agreed to have an open relationship where each person could love and enjoy other people sexually as long as they always stayed completely honest, practiced safe sex, took care of all each other’s emotional, physical, and practical needs first, and felt secure together–not jealous or afraid of losing one another. There was an underlying commitment that went along with their willingness to “spread the love” and explore other sexual avenues.
I soon learned that he and his partner were quite the normal couple with problems, insecurities, and hard work. Our experience ended up showing me that I was not inclined to take part in a polyamorous relationship, especially as “the other woman”. I was too selfish, insecure, and I treasured exclusivity too much to be prepared for that type of experience. I did not feel secure, trusting, nor loved. Perhaps this was his fault; perhaps it was the situation. Maybe it was me!
And although it did not work out, the relationship caused me to wonder: If we’re perfectly healthy emotionally and mentally, are we more inclined to be monogamous or to have multiple love partners? Does it depend on the individual? What is the reason for jealousy and the desire for security? What makes us cheat? Could having an open relationship help a couple? Or does it harm them in the long run? Is it only about sex?
Survey says..!
I recently polled my Twitter pals about the titillating topic of open relationships. Keep in mind that most of my tweeps are non-religious folks from all walks of life. If you’d like to respond, please comment! I’m fascinated by the variety of opinions and research on this topic.
Let’s see what they had to say using 140 characters! I’m keeping things anonymous to conserve their privacy.
Part A: “What do you think about open relationships?”
They’re ok, if you can handle that sort of thing. don’t think I could though.
I think whatever people can make work for them relationship-wise is fine by me, I’ve seen open relationships work out fine. [cont.] I think in a way Open Relat. may be easier, as there r far less boundaries 2 worry about crossing, no fear of being cheated on.
Not for me. [x2]
Whatever works for two (or three, or four…) consenting adults is none of my business whatsoever!
I like them!
I think they’re much more realistic than what you’re told to expect, relationship-wise.
Not a big fan, but my ex-wife was a fan.
Read more and check out Part B on Monogamy vs. Polyamory below the cut!
Read the Rest! Post a comment (14)Were you raised as a Christian? Then perhaps you remember catchy songs by Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber of Veggie Tales, a morality-teaching, values-encouraging, Bible-Story-Telling cartoon series that’s still publishing silly songs and DVDs today. But the Tales are too modern, too palatable to the secular audience. If you really want to raise your kids with Bible Values™, you should go back to the 1980s. Before the computer animated Veggie Tales, there was Psalty the Singing Songbook. Children such as myself were raised by Psalty the Singing Songbook and his pals, the Kids Praise gang. This music group made videos and records in the 80s and 90s that helped reinforce Bible verses, the gospel message, and Christian values into the minds of impressionable children.
I loved it! Here’s how awesomely bad these videos actually were:
Kids Praise 5: Psalty’s Camping Adventure
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnm3VRUuhhk
“Throw the ball! Praise the Lord!” … “Howlelujah!” Pure gold wrapped up in a primary color package.
One thing I learned from this video was that children are whiny little runts, and a guy wrapped in skintight blue spandex-polyester blend with a hunchback is even more likely to complain and bitch on a long musical hike. I won’t even mention the nightmares I’m going to have tonight about that giant dog.
Bonus! “Psalty: Behind the Music”:
Photo by shaycam
I’ve been moving house for the past few weeks, and part of that enormously intensive project is dealing with my collection of books. As many of you must also feel, I am emotionally connected to my books because I have memories, experiences, and much of my past life wrapped up in their pages.
One of these volumes from my past is the only devotional I truly enjoyed as a Christian: My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers (1874-1917). I wasn’t one for fill-in-the-blank Bible studies with banal questions and cookie-cutter insights. Chambers seemed challenging to me at the time because he wasn’t part of the current generation; his thoughts (though nebulous at times and without organization) weren’t bogged down by current culture and the trends of the most modern Christian movements.
So, in a nostalgic tribute to this former chaplain and my former life, I’d like to quote two passages I used to agree with and now critique.
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Meghan on 
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