Photo by Andrew Morrell Photography

A good friend of mine has offered me the opportunity to present a reading at her wedding. She’s also given me the option of choosing the reading myself. I’d love to be able to come to her with some ideas, but I need some help!

What would you recommend I read at a secular wedding ceremony?

photo by Paul Kelly

I’m sorry I haven’t been writing actively as of late. I sit here in my chair after a weekend of relaxation, escape, and nature only to find myself back in the machinery of life—the mechanical nature of my habits, my job, and my schedules.

And it makes me ponder a bit. I’ve found myself falling into an apathy related to my atheism lately that I’m not sure should be there. I’ve attempted to explain why atheism isn’t a big deal. Even with the mentality that our non-belief is just fine, normal, and not worth a huge stink, I still feel a smoldering passion within my gut when I consider my own story, my past, and the plight of other non-believers who truly are struggling in their current situations. For instance, I received an email this week from a distressed reader:

Over the past year I have began to question my beliefs that I have had since childhood and I’m down right confused and ridden with guilt mainly… Waiting to be “struck” down I suppose. I am working through it slowly, but being married to a “minister” doesnt help.. again.. riddled with guilt… and fear.

It breaks my heart that the search for truth leaves anyone feeling this way, but it especially pains me to hear it from someone who is afraid to leave religion and faith behind. I know just how conditioned Christians (like my past self) are to fear doubt and deviation from the faith. The guilt is tremendous, and it feels like failure to be going against something you’ve been accepting as an authority all your life. I remember hearing that small voice in my head that told me I was “just rebelling” or “going through a doubting phase” or that I shouldn’t make any certain decisions based on my doubts because I could be punished (for lack of a better word) by God for straying and not being strong enough in my devotion. I recall those emotions with a shudder and a sigh.

No one should feel this way.

It’s becoming more clear to me that I may not care as much about debating theology or commenting about other beliefs I find ridiculous (as fun as that may be—especially on the internet when the quick jab and the snarky wit are king) as others do. Instead, I am coming to deeply care about the journeys and stories of others in the atheist community. Where have we come from, and where are we going? Do we have enough support and friendship to spare for those who are not quite strong enough to go it alone? Can we move forward together? Is my dream of atheist community  just a silly, romantic, and futile idea in this period of individualistic living?

So I may not be writing much, but I’m still figuring this whole atheism thing out… day by day. As we all are.

What do you think is the secret to a good life?

I firmly believe that a “good life” is defined solely by each individual, so that’s what makes this questions so intriguing to me. I think it reveals what people want most out of life: is it romantic love and companionship? Do they want a legacy and people to remember them after they die? Do they want adventure and stories to tell? What about money and success? All of these “good lives” would provide different answers for the question, don’t you think?

What is “a good life” to you, and what’s the secret for having it?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Not many people–including Christians–would disagree that this preacher, Jack Schapp, is a sexist, woman-hating, ignorant schmuck. As expected (to me, anyway), he is a pastor in the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist movement of which I am fairly familiar, having family members who attend such churches and having visited a few myself.

But beyond his personal viewpoints, I have a question for you, reader:

Does the religion make the person or does the person make the religion?

It’s a question of which came first: the chicken or the egg.

Do you think people choose their religions, denominations, and churches based on who they already are? It seems to me that those with misogynistic beliefs will favor a theology that undercuts the value of women. Likewise, a person who is kind and loving and sees the worth in other people will likely choose a theology that favors ultimate reconciliation and no hell or punishment for differences in belief, sexuality, and so forth.

I’m unconvinced that it is solely a religion or denomination’s fault that people kill each other, persecute other faiths, and teach abhorrent beliefs about the value of humanity. We can blame much of that on religion simply because it’s an organized, financed, public outlet for such opinions, but in the end, the fault lies with each one of us who is bigoted, hateful, or unloving, doesn’t it?

What do you think?

Many atheists state that one of their primary objections to the existence of God is that there is no evidence for it that would stand up to the scientific method.

So the question is, are there things that are real but that reality isn’t supported by results of scientific testing.

So, in what sense is love real? Does it exist? If you believe someone loves you, what would you say if someone asked you to prove it?

I was recently asked this same question by my mother, and I’ll admit I hadn’t thought it through very well and was feeling defensive at the time, so I didn’t have a good answer for her. In fact, this comment sounds so creepily similar to the words my mother said to me that I wonder if Roofwoofer is my mother or if they get their debating points from the same source. Maybe this is a more common argument than I realized?

How would the atheist community answer questions like this one?

photo by Miikka Skaffari

Hey y’all! It’s time for something completely different! I found a little quiz to see how you pronounce certain words and to see if you have any regionally-specific vocabulary for certain items. I also did my own little voice recording so you can laugh at my accent:

Listen to me explain the challenge and answer the questions.

Words to pronounce:

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

Questions to answer:

• What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
• What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
• What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
• What do you call gym shoes?
• What do you say to address a group of people?
• What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
• What do you call your grandparents?
• What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
• What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
• What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

Record Your Voice

It’s free over at vocaroo.com. All you need is a microphone. You can share your voice by pressing “Post on the internet” and copying the “vocaroo link.”

If you want to blog your version of the challenge, leave a comment with a link so I can listen! If you don’t have a blog, just record your voice and paste the link in the comments box.

graphic by James Ellis

I follow the hashtag #atheism on twitter in order to keep abreast on what people are saying about religion and other controversial subjects. Often the content contains thoughtful discussion or bits of news that interests me, but much of it resembles typical “zinger” one-liner material: pithy 140-character messages that resemble confrontational bumper stickers instead of well-balanced arguments against religion. Yeah, I’ve done it too. I admit it! Twitter is the safe-haven of the verbal jab.

I spotted one such “zinger” today:

FlyingFree333

(Flying Free)

Without faith there could be no genocide, no racism, no bigotry; faith breeds evil. #christian #jesus #bible #god #atheism #islam #muslim

On 29-4-2011 13:30:22 from Twaitter

I’ve certainly heard this hyperbolic argument before, and as an atheist I do not agree. I realize you cannot easily present a reasoned argument for an enormous claim like this on twitter, but even if there were paragraphs of explanation behind it I’m not sure I would ever be convinced that the sole reason for racism, bigotry, and genocide is faith. To avoid an argument about vocabulary; “faith,” could easily be replaced by “religion.”

I am far from being an expert, but I think there are sociological, psychological, and economic causes unrelated to religion that cause these problems in the world. Religion is certainly used to justify many horrible actions such as genocide (e.g. Deuteronomy 20:16-18) and slavery (e.g. the Curse of Ham). However, I do not think all religions or faiths bring about these results, nor do I think ruling out other causes for the evil in the world is wise.

I’d really like to have a discussion about this claim. Is faith the cause of genocide, racism, and bigotry?

And as a side question: What do you think about these kinds of pithy statements on twitter? Do you think they help anything or perhaps give atheists a bad name?

Saying grace before carving the turkey in the home of Earle Landis, Neffsville, November 1942. (Photo from Penn State Live)

On Saying Grace

I read your blog post “Do You Participate When You Don’t Believe?” and I was wondering… I was brought up in a heavily Christian family and we always say Grace on holidays- especially Christmas and Thanksgiving. How can I avoid this politely and without offending anyone?

–Nicole (Colie the Magical Closet Atheist)

See my answer after the break.

Thanks for writing, Nicole! My family prays before meals as well (and sometimes after). I think there are a number of options you have before you. Here are a few:

1. You could explain your objections respectfully to your family at another time in hopes that their understanding will help them not feel confused nor offended when grace time comes and you choose not to participate. Depending on your family, this could open doors for discussion and education or it could open a wider rift between you if they either don’t accept your non-belief or if they do not know you’re an atheist yet.
2. You could leave the table during grace or join the meal after grace is said. There is a possibility this could be seen as a dramatic gesture of protest, and I would recommend this if you feel grossly uncomfortable about religious prayer and feel as if it violates you on a personal level. My guess is that you do not have those feelings.
3. You could sit with them at the table in respectful silence while they pray. You could bow your head out of respect, habit, or just to fit in with the accepted gesture of reflection. Or you could keep your head lifted and eyes open, but show your politeness by not objecting, sneering, smirking, or otherwise mocking their practice while they pray.
4. If you are expected to pray aloud, then I would do one of two things: Abstain respectfully (this will work best if they know you are not a Christian already) or speak your own thanks and hopes in a way that remains totally secular. You are participating, but you are not praying and will not be lying (in my humble opinion). Statements can be phrased like, “I’m thankful that we all arrived safely today and that I have always had a warm, loving home to return to,” or, “I hope that this food and our conversation will be uplifting to all of us, and  I am so thankful to be here after such a busy week.” No deities, just your feelings!
5. You could pray. I know you do not want to participate in this option, but I’m putting it out there for those who have no objections to participating in ritual when someone asks you to. Since you would not think anyone is listening, it’s not like you would be blaspheming or breaking any rules set by anyone else. You could think of it as playacting for your family (if you’re truly afraid to ever hint that you might not be a believer) or as simply meditating on good things.

My personal choice is #3. All but one member of my immediate family knows I am an atheist. I choose to sit with them at the table but keep my head lifted and eyes open. I sometimes put my hands in my lap, look around, watch the, or simply think on my own thoughts while I wait for them to finish. I always try to be polite and not make a fuss because I tend to be a peacemaker—I don’t enjoy arguing, debating, or making waves in my family life.

When I’m at work (a Christian company) and I am expected to pray aloud, I have chosen not to abstain, but to say my secular wishes and hopes for those around me and the company. This, again, is to keep the peace (and my cover, as I am at risk of losing my job if I am “out” as an atheist).

What you choose may depend on your relationship with your religious family. From your nickname, it seems like you may be fully closeted even to your family. How would they act if hey did know? If other relatives are around, would your behavior change in any way? I’m sure my readers might have other wonderful insights for you as well.

All the best!

Godless Girl

photo by MissTessmacher

What do you think about debating with theists? In your discussions and debates with theists, do you try to convince them their god does not exist? Do you ever try to help people leave religion/faith behind? What do you think about atheists who (for lack of a better word) “evangelize” others?

Go ahead, share your opinion!