The objective I chose to describe my goal is especially fun:

OBJECTIVE: To obtain a position within Company Name that will further God’s Kingdom and Company’s ministry…

Yeah, I still work at this job. Must. Edit.

“I’ve never met one before!”

“I’m Unitarian.”

“How can you… what??? *sharp, frustrated sigh of puzzlement* You know what, I won’t ask.”

You should try this. It’s a crap shoot!

photo by Ken Fager

I’m sick of assholes. I’d be less colorful in my language, but I also don’t think being censored necessarily leads to a better life. Maybe I should add that to my list.

I’ve penned a few quick tips for how to stop being an idiot who makes life unpleasant for yourself and those around you. Most of this is specifically directed at the atheist/theist community. If it applies to you, you probably won’t think it does, but someone out there might be picturing your face or username right about now, so it pays to give a few of these a whirl just to say you tried. Heck, it might just help us become a better society, and wouldn’t that be just peachy?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Wow. I just saw a pubic fro and a “sassy” black hand telling me about clubbing cleanliness. This is so appreciated.

Quick thoughts from my romp around their ads and site:

“If you treat a V right, she’ll return the favor…” Wink, wink, nudge, nudge! How sexual is that?! Ugh.

A vagina owner’s manual? Because … of course. It even teaches you to wipe front to back!

“Vertical smile.” No, really. They said it.

What do you think of this campaign? Does it “empower” women by helping them accept their vaginas? Or by selling a cleansing cloth and wash that are supposed to keep things fresh and “smelling nice” does it actually keep us from embracing the natural bits we were born with? Why are we considered “dirty”?And what about those racial and feminine stereotypes? What are women supposed to act like? Is this just insulting?

Edited to add: Oh my goodness, I just found Stephen Colbert’s take on the commercials. Priceless!

Edited to add (Nov 08, 2011): Apparently Summers Eve can’t take the heat (or the joke) and removed these ridiculous ads from their marketing strategy (and their youtube channel). Good riddance!

photo by Joe McCarthy

When you meet someone new or are just enjoying discussions with other people, are you ever surprised when you find out they don’t share your views? I keep having this experience! Tonight while at dinner with a group of women, one of them mentioned her pre-teen son being baptized at their church since he just “got saved” and how excited she was. During her story, I kept expecting a punchline—as if she would suddenly laugh and tell a story about going skinny dipping in the baptism dunk tanks. But no, she was totally serious, and nothing’s wrong with that.

It made me wonder: Do we assume the people with whom we get along are going to think the same ways we do? I think I do! For instance, I’m skeptical about the paranormal; I do not believe ghosts exist. A friend of mine gabs constantly about ghost hunting and the supernatural, and all the while  I laugh and think she must be joking because, hell, who honestly believes in ghosts? Well, she does. Why am I so surprised? Is it my ego?

I remember feeling this way as a Christian as well; If I met someone who wasn’t a believer, it was like a trip into a different world. They were strange, foreign, and mysterious. How could they not believe in Jesus? Of course, Christianity is so popular that it’s sometimes difficult to find people who openly identify with something else—at least in my area. So why am I walking through life as part of the atheist minority assuming everyone else thinks Satan is silly and God is a figment of our imaginations? I have no idea! I guess I think I’m normal!

Photo by Katchooo

Last Sunday was stuffed full of freedom like a donut with jelly—the kind that drips down your chin as you laugh with delight. I got to stroll around my hometown in the sunshine; slurp an enormous smoothie; watch a man in a wolf mask play violin; wander through market stalls filled with hippie goods; and hear a man selling soap tell a joke with the punchline, “So god turned him into a woman and she walked across the bridge!” And all this was before the tornado warning, basement picnic, and hours of stories and secrets told in the back bedroom.

Homespun therapy didn’t occur because of the places I explored or things I did, but because I experienced them with someone who knows me. Sure, my friend Jenn and I hadn’t seen each other since my father’s memorial service over 8 years ago, but we knew one another’s pasts and personalities. We still understood the inner bits that matter, even with a near decade slung between us like a suspension bridge buried in fog.

What enveloped my heart as I sat with Jenn, walked with Jenn, and talked with Jenn was a natural freedom to be absolutely honest, completely myself, and laughing uproariously about it. Our conversation, stories, and jokes were a balm on the slice of my being many would call a soul. It’s that gnarled bit of me that is unprotected from the events of life. It dangles precariously on a precipice, beaten raw by the wind and bleached by the salt in the swells below. Oh, my life isn’t always so jarring, but lately I’ve felt as if it’s been one wave crashing forward after another. There is no barrier between my deepest, most vulnerable sense of self, and all of life’s changes and moods. Yes, vulnerable … that’s the best word for this kind of inner nakedness.

Missing Words

The peace I received from Jenn’s presence and openness was as medicinal as writing used to be for me.  Before the term “blogging” was coined, I was scrawling my personal insights, questions, and (rather boring) life’s stories into both paper and online journals. I frequently gave away too much information, but my examinations were honest and forthright. I was a typical teenager with a diary at that stage: God, boys, school, and friends were some of my favorite topics.

My life was fairly simple (even if I didn’t see it as such at the time); yet there was a magic to writing that drew me closer to those who read my words. Reading a journal was an investment in someone’s inner life. You saw an unashamed, unapologetic view of their thoughts and feelings, and there was a conversation and exchange that followed. Some of the friends I made back in the old online journaling days are still present in my life today. Why? I think it’s because they know me—like Jenn knows me. After sharing your true self with someone, and bring them along in your story, an intimacy is created whether you realize it or not.

So what happened to the intimacy in my writing? Did it go away when I limited myself to being “Godless Girl” and writing an “atheist blog?” There are a truck load of atheist bloggers about who usually talk through the same subjects and news bulletins. Nothing is wrong with that, and obviously I enjoy it myself or I wouldn’t do it… but lately I’ve missed writing. In fact, when someone asks me what I want to be when I grow up (And I don’t know if I ever will), I find myself sighing whistfully and muttering something obscure about “getting back into writing” or “finding a creative outlet.”

I don’t have a paper journal anymore. I am not interested in keeping one at this time. What I need is the medicinal experience that sending my words out into the universe can provide. Even if it bores a reader or three to absolute insanity, it would be good for me.

And then my mind was blown. He is so much more.

My flat mate introduced me to this man’s passion for the paranormal and love for conspiracy theories. He’s even a Hollywood spokesperson for The Mutual UFO Network (MUFON).

Did you know Dan Aykroyd made vodka?

Click here to view the embedded video.

This video was the sole reason we bought Crystal Head Vodka. We just could not contain our mirth. The bottle is now sitting on our bookcase, and the vodka is actually rather tasty.

For all you Netflix members, there’s an interview-posing-as-documentary on Netflix Streaming called “Dan Aykroyd Unplugged on UFOs” that is just as hilarious as any UFO believer raving on about the topic—except this is Dan Aykroyd being serious, which makes it even more funny to me. The description on Netflix reads: “Skeptics beware!” So obviously, skeptics should grab the popcorn and enjoy this failure of a documentary. I can’t even describe the terrible narration by the interviewer, cheap camcorder production value, and the graphics. Glorious.

I think Aykroyd might just be the most entertaining rambler of all time:

Click here to view the embedded video.

photo by Miikka Skaffari

Hey y’all! It’s time for something completely different! I found a little quiz to see how you pronounce certain words and to see if you have any regionally-specific vocabulary for certain items. I also did my own little voice recording so you can laugh at my accent:

Listen to me explain the challenge and answer the questions.

Words to pronounce:

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

Questions to answer:

• What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
• What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
• What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
• What do you call gym shoes?
• What do you say to address a group of people?
• What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
• What do you call your grandparents?
• What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
• What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
• What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

Record Your Voice

It’s free over at vocaroo.com. All you need is a microphone. You can share your voice by pressing “Post on the internet” and copying the “vocaroo link.”

If you want to blog your version of the challenge, leave a comment with a link so I can listen! If you don’t have a blog, just record your voice and paste the link in the comments box.

Originally by Landon Schurtz, a graduate student of Philosophy at the University of Oklahoma

[Source]

Photo by azrasta

It may be admirable to claim that I read only to learn and expand my mind, but to be perfectly honest, I read because I enjoy it! It’s fun. If I happen to learn or challenge myself during this pursuit—all the better. I’m the furthest thing from a book snob as you can probably get while still loving to read.

I’ve purchased heaps of books lately (both audio and paper) that must be read! Have you read any of them? Which should I pick up next?

Fiction

The Gray Man by Mark Greaney
The Lincoln Lawyer by Michael Connelly
The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf by Molly Harper [fuckme, some of these titles seem embaraassing, don't they?]
Naked in Death by J. D. Robb [I love naked stuff]
The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss
Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier
The Subtle Knife by Philip Pullman
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

Non-fiction

The End of Faith by Sam Harris [Are you shocked that I haven't finished this book yet?]
Why I Am Not a Christian & Other Essays on Religion & Related Subjects by Bertrand Russell
Letters from the Earth: Uncensored Writings by Mark Twain
The Varieties of Scientific Experience: A Personal View of the Search for God by Carl Sagan

I’m leaving out a bunch of great options hiding on my shelves, but this is a good start.

What are you reading right now?