and her adventures in Atheism
skepticism and freethought
How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations about Religion
Mar 11th
Ah the internet. Such a font of fantastic, novel, and often useless knowledge. One of my favorite sites to read for fun is WikiHow.com. The user-created content there is often worth reading if you need some simple advice on how to handle different situations.
Some of these wiki entries apply directly to secular folks like you and me. Do you have a friend who wants to ask you how your spiritual walk with god is going? Is your brother confronting you at an awkward time about your lack of church attendance? Do you just want to avoid debates on religion all together? Check out this bit of wisdom about how to handle acquaintances, family, or friends when they want to talk about spiritual matters:
How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion
Photo by hovering dog (flickr.com)
from wikiHow
There is a time and place for everything under the sun, including discussions about religion. Whether you are religious or not, if someone is trying to draw you into a conversation, or perhaps an argument, regarding religion or morality but the timing and situation is awkward and uncomfortable, this article will help you find a way to avoid a heated debate as politely as possible.
Steps
- Resist the urge to argue. It’s difficult to overlook a statement that seems completely ignorant and ungrounded, and you’ll likely have the urge to correct the person. Instead, smile and say “Interesting…”
- Meet it head on with honesty. Be true to yourself and your own feelings. Say “I’m not comfortable talking about that and I’m just not willing to have this conversation…”
- Redirect the conversation.
- Ask about their children, significant other, health, or job.
- Make an absurd joke to deflect the seriousness of the situation. For example, try: “Religion? No, I haven’t seen that movie.” Or: “Religion?! What . . . do you get that at, like, Wal-Mart or Starbucks or something?” Or: “No thanks. I haven’t been able to talk about religion since the last time the Cubs won the World Series.”
- Dead pan, “I am sorry. I have a firm rule to not discuss politics or religion with anyone I’ve not seen naked.” That usually ends the discussion rather abruptly, and on a light-hearted note.
- For people who are insistent on discussing religion, however, they’re likely to return to that topic quickly, so keep the conversation flowing at the level of small talk until you can do something else.
Confession and Why It Works for Atheists
Mar 3rd
Confession. Its common definition outside of the law is an admission of sins or unrighteousness–often in order to gain absolution and forgiveness for breaking the laws or ideals of a deity. But since there is no deity, why should it ever apply to Atheists?
What is confession for atheists?
I’d like to re-brand confession for the secular audience. If it isn’t about sin and disappointing a god, then what is it and why should we adopt a seemingly religious word? I’d like to suggest the following definition:
Confession is an acknowledgment of something personal that perhaps needs improvement, is troubling or difficult, or opens one up to the inclusion of another person into the private parts of someone’s life. Confession may be an admission of wrongdoing, a kept secret, a story of emotional trial, or even a cry for help.
Do you know PostSecret? Then you get an idea of what secular confession is all about.
I grew up in a vibrant, passionate intentional community filled mostly with Catholics. The sacrament of confession is one of the most “holy” and beloved practices in that tradition. One of my closest friends attends a weekly confession with her priest. She meets with him in his office and talks to him about the struggles and frustrations in her life as she tries to become a better person full of love, mercy, and righteousness. I admire her for working so hard at improving who she is on the inside. If confiding in her religious authority brings her closer to what she truly feels is right, then good for her. She’s a gentle and loving friend, and I know she wants to be honest and real with me.
But why should a non-theist use a concept like confession if there is no sin or god to punish and shame us? One reason is because it works. When confession is used to better onesself and one’s community, it helps people open up to one another about the realities and struggles in their lives. Love and care is shared, and the community becomes stronger. The Christian system in particular is certainly a flawed system based on unrealistic expectations and needless guilt and fear, but when the “crime and punishment” aspect of confession is removed, it becomes more like therapy, honest intimacy, and consultation rather than an admission of wrongdoing. This portion of confession is what I desire in my own life.
Confession isn’t about feeling shame or fessing up because you have to. As an adult, no one is forcing you to admit anything. We still have free choice to tell one another about our secrets and our darker moments.
Why confess to another person?
Why I Am Not An Authority, Just a Woman
Jan 31st
I am not a scientist.
I am not a scholar.
I have never been a theologian, pastor, nor an apologist… except from my armchair.
I do not enjoy reading about philosophy or logic.
I have not mastered true rational thought, and I probably couldn’t explain it to you without quoting someone else.
I still don’t know where I stand on a lot of issues, and I am often a poor representative of any position.
I am a normal mid-twenties woman with a job, internet addiction, and flabby thighs.
I read more fiction than non-fiction, love random factoids, and I only follow the news I find most interesting.
I like to make dirty jokes and curse like a sailor.
I’m overly curious, not afraid of emotion, personal, and very opinionated.
I adore deep conversations about experience, ideas, theology, and life.
I have a 4-year Bachelor’s degree in Communications and a minor in Creative Writing. I think this just means I like words.
I left faith because I am your normal everyday thinking chick with an itch to know herself and her place in this life. I used to be called wise and thoughtful about the bible and faith, but now I realize I was and am simply holding small bits of knowledge and insight that hang like loose strings off the coattails of the great thinkers and eloquent writers that have gone before.
I did not read every book I could get my hands on before deconverting. I did not engage in endless debates or request pastoral counseling. I will not pretend that I couldn’t have done more to save my faith. Perhaps with enough devotion and desperation anyone can shut out doubt and curiosity. When I left Christianity, I watched, listened, read, and digested the right things at the right time. Because of this, the light bulb in my head didn’t just turn on; it exploded like a popped balloon. I was ready. Faith was no more.
I am not an authority. I do not blog because I believe I know something you don’t. I’m not here to bring you the latest and hottest news, gain internet stardom, or wax eloquent about the meaning of life. I blog because I like being a part of the community and conversation. I also like hearing myself talk, and that doesn’t hurt.
I am just a woman–a Godless Girl.
Am I An Angry Atheist?
Jan 24th
Photo by lintmachine
Because my dear mother is worried. She came to me tonight expressing a desire to talk about “the elephant in the room” which is, apparently, my atheism. In a very polite manner, she expressed her concern:
Ever since I came out to her in October, she has been reading more godless blogs (perhaps mine… rut roh!) and experiencing the snarky, jabbing, “haughty ridicule” (as she called it) that sometimes accompanies heathen venting sessions and social commentary. I freely acknowledge that some atheists are bitchy, chip-on-the-shoulder finger-pointers.
What worries her is that I might become like the people described above: sour in attitude, uncharitable in speech, and antagonistic in practice.
Should she be worried? Yes. I have to admit I am almost all of the above things at one time or another towards Christianity or woo in general. I consider myself an anti-theist and have no issues mocking certain ideas that are, in fact, ridiculous. Sometimes I make fun of other people because of their behavior, silly superstitions, or unbelievably ignorant beliefs.
I’m sorry Mother; I may be what you dislike… at least in part.
Even so, I want to make clear to the people of faith reading this blog that I empathize with you a great deal. I spent my entire life surrounded by the best kinds of Christians (with a few crazies thrown in). I know what it’s like to yearn after Jesus, follow the Spirit, trust in God, pray, see others come to the Lord, feel a mighty work in my life, and so forth. I know all of those things, and I honestly do understand where you’re coming from. I hope my knowledge of the Bible, theology, and the way passionate believers feel will make me a more ecumenically minded atheist (once I get past all the fun bitchitude). I hope I will soften more and stifle some of my most rude comments out of respect for people that are genuinely doing their humble best to follow what they believe and think is right and true.
But when it comes to the stubbornly ignorant, the bigoted, the anti-scientific, the hateful, the hellfire-and-brimstone theocratic blowhards… all bets are off–Godless Girl puts on the gloves.
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