from saintdisillusion.wordpress.com

We’ve all had “those days”—the ones when you used to think the universe was out to get you and would stop at nothing to ruin your measly little life—have changed perhaps more than any others in my experience since I left religion and faith behind. Or, more accurately, my response to these days has changed.

I used to think there was a message or a meaning behind every little coincidence or mishap. If I was delayed in traffic, that meant I probably missed a car accident and God was protecting me by making me late. If everything was falling apart at work, maybe God was telling me I needed to chose another profession. If I was feeling depressed or anxious, it was because I wasn’t in line with God’s plan and wasn’t intimately connected with him.

I was arrogantly obsessed with “interpreting the signs.” It’s just as “woo-woo” as it sounds. As a Christian I did it all the time, constantly, and about everything. Christianity involves a lot of guesswork that’s dressed up to look more reliable. Sensing or interpreting “God’s will” or the meaning of the doldrums of life is just part of having faith in a completely silent and unknowable supernatural being. Believers are left on their own to figure out what the fuck is going on and what they should do next. I’ve written more about the Christian life and God’s will if you fancy a read.

As an atheist, life’s journey is simply better and more reliable. As Carl Sagan said:

The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent.

I don’t blame my misfortunes/bad luck/coincidences on anyone or anything. Neither the universe nor a god is out to get me or to communicate to me through my circumstances. Since there is no god, I don’t need to worry about reading its mind to find out what it wants from me. A new job? A new boyfriend? Those choices are up to me, just as they should be. There is no grand “will” or “purpose” to interpret or guess. Atheism is, I’ve found, much easier and simpler than submitting to a religion. It keeps the responsibility of life on the individual and not on an imaginary force.

Oh, I guess there’s one exception: I admit to sometimes assigning motives and personalities to inanimate objects. When my computer, Miss Mary Mac (yes, I named her it), malfunctions, I either smack her it upside the monitor and tell her it to behave, or I stroke the monitor and promise it I’ll be nice if it will just work for once. I’m an abusive owner, I know. I don’t actually believe my Mac really has a plan or a bad motive against me; I just pretend it does to work out my frustrations.

Even if I have “one of those days” when everything goes wrong and I nearly fall back into the superstitious belief that there must be some sort of evil plan to thwart my success, I can now comfort myself with the knowledge of the natural world and how shit just happens once in a while. I am not being punished; No one is trying to communicate a message to me; All I have to do is my very best, and that’s what matters.

Some of these wiki entries apply directly to secular folks like you and me. Do you have a friend who wants to ask you how your spiritual walk with god is going? Is your brother confronting you at an awkward time about your lack of church attendance? Do you just want to avoid debates on religion all together? Check out this bit of wisdom about how to handle acquaintances, family, or friends when they want to talk about spiritual matters:

How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion

Photo by hovering dog (flickr.com)

from wikiHow

There is a time and place for everything under the sun, including discussions about religion. Whether you are religious or not, if someone is trying to draw you into a conversation, or perhaps an argument, regarding religion or morality but the timing and situation is awkward and uncomfortable, this article will help you find a way to avoid a heated debate as politely as possible.

Steps

1. Resist the urge to argue. It’s difficult to overlook a statement that seems completely ignorant and ungrounded, and you’ll likely have the urge to correct the person. Instead, smile and say “Interesting…”
2. Meet it head on with honesty. Be true to yourself and your own feelings. Say “I’m not comfortable talking about that and I’m just not willing to have this conversation…”
3. Redirect the conversation.
   • Ask about their children, significant other, health, or job.
   • Make an absurd joke to deflect the seriousness of the situation. For example, try: “Religion? No, I haven’t seen that movie.” Or: “Religion?! What . . . do you get that at, like, Wal-Mart or Starbucks or something?” Or: “No thanks. I haven’t been able to talk about religion since the last time the Cubs won the World Series.”
   • Dead pan, “I am sorry. I have a firm rule to not discuss politics or religion with anyone I’ve not seen naked.” That usually ends the discussion rather abruptly, and on a light-hearted note.
   • For people who are insistent on discussing religion, however, they’re likely to return to that topic quickly, so keep the conversation flowing at the level of small talk until you can do something else.
4. Suggest a better time. If you would like to discuss religion at a better time and location, invite the person to meet you. This will allow you to control the environment, length of discussion, involved parties and other factors. Simply saying “This is definitely something I’d love to discuss with you, but can we do it at another time?” will do the trick, as long as you mean it. If you do not care to ever discuss religion with this person at all, skip this step.
5. Excuse yourself. Remove yourself from the situation by taking a bathroom break, or by greeting someone you know who just arrived, or even by lying and saying that your cell phone is ringing silently. Look at the phone and pretend that it’s someone close to you and that you must briefly take the call. However, remember to return to the conversation, because bailing out suddenly and not returning will be considered rude, and may only add further motivation for the person to “enlighten” you.
6. Bring in another conversationalist. When you can’t avoid a person who wants to talk about religion, look for a another person in the situation who you know has strong opinions about religion and enjoys a good debate. Introduce the two, and leave them to split theological hairs together.
7. Be straightforward. Tell the conversationalist that this is the wrong time for this discussion.
   • If you are at work, explain that it is not proper to discuss controversial subjects in the workplace because there’s a line to be drawn between personal views and professional pursuits, and you would like to focus on maintaining professionalism.
   • If you are at a social event such as a dinner party or a wedding, remind the conversationalist that this was intended to be a happy, lighthearted celebration, and that you would rather not weigh down the evening (or the morning or afternoon) with discussions about more serious things in life.
   • Politely tell the truth. “I do not want to talk about religion right now.” If a person rudely continues to discuss their views on religion, politely ask them to stop being disrespectful to you and your request. Tell them that you intend to walk away if they continue.
   • If you don’t mind sharing your views but don’t want the conversation, share your views and then ask an unrelated question. Often, they will get the hint that you are not interested in theological discussion and move on.

Tips

• Recognize the reasons you believe what you believe, or why you do not believe in anything in particular. Understanding your own beliefs, or lack thereof, will strengthen your resolve. You do not need to argue your reasons and, in fact, you are better off not arguing.
• As long as you are diplomatic and kind when you positively say you do not want to discuss religion, you will be respected.
• Conversations about religion shouldn’t be uncomfortable unless you are unsure about your own beliefs. It is completely proper to tell them you have your own beliefs, or lack of them, and are not interested in discussing the topic.
• Religion should be discussed openly and objectively without fear of hurting someone’s feelings.
• It is rude for a person to refuse to leave you alone when you have asked them to.
• Many people don’t mean to be rude, they just literally don’t realize that not everyone around them has had the same upbringing, background, or culture. It may not occur to someone for example that their coworker is Jewish not Christian if the speaker lives in a predominantly Christian area, etc.

Warnings

• Leading a persistent conversationalist to believe that you are agreeing with their views just so you can quiet them will most likely encourage them to follow up more frequently with you. If you let them think you agree with them, they will may to check in from time to time to see if you are still on the same page.
• Seeming flippant or like a cynic may challenge your friend to find more ways to reach you; so reassure your friend, “I have my beliefs; let’s just talk about other things.” Keep the friend and keep on the right path.

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Other useful WikiHow articles for the godless:

• How to Be a Good Listener
• How to Think for Yourself
• How to Explain of Defend Atheism
• How to Defend Evolution Against Creationism
• Collection of WikiHow articles on Atheism

What is confession for atheists?

I’d like to re-brand confession for the secular audience. If it isn’t about sin and disappointing a god, then what is it and why should we adopt a seemingly religious word? I’d like to suggest the following definition:

Confession is an acknowledgment of something personal that perhaps needs improvement, is troubling or difficult, or opens one up to the inclusion of another person into the private parts of someone’s life. Confession may be an admission of wrongdoing, a kept secret, a story of emotional trial, or even a cry for help.

Do you know PostSecret? Then you get an idea of what secular confession is all about.

I grew up in a vibrant, passionate intentional community filled mostly with Catholics. The sacrament of confession is one of the most “holy” and beloved practices in that tradition. One of my closest friends attends a weekly confession with her priest. She meets with him in his office and talks to him about the struggles and frustrations in her life as she tries to become a better person full of love, mercy, and righteousness. I admire her for working so hard at improving who she is on the inside. If confiding in her religious authority brings her closer to what she truly feels is right, then good for her. She’s a gentle and loving friend, and I know she wants to be honest and real with me.

But why should a non-theist use a concept like confession if there is no sin or god to punish and shame us? One reason is because it works. When confession is used to better onesself and one’s community, it helps people open up to one another about the realities and struggles in their lives. Love and care is shared, and the community becomes stronger. The Christian system in particular is certainly a flawed system based on unrealistic expectations and needless guilt and fear, but when the “crime and punishment” aspect of confession is removed, it becomes more like therapy, honest intimacy, and consultation rather than an admission of wrongdoing. This portion of confession is what I desire in my own life.

Confession isn’t about feeling shame or fessing up because you have to. As an adult, no one is forcing you to admit anything. We still have free choice to tell one another about our secrets and our darker moments.

Why confess to another person?

Because there is no god.

Pardon the clichés, but this is all we’ve got. We are all family—despite how dysfunctional the relationships. We get one shot and life and shouldn’t keep our desires for independence and privacy pull us apart. There is no god to fix things or make things happier. It’s up to us.

Community.

Confession for atheists is about crossing a divide between people–much like holding hands to show emotional support. Our individualistic western culture and selfish “Me-focused” values have overtaken and done much to wipe out what a community could be.

“Nobody can understand me.”
“I can’t wait to move out of this house and get away from my family.”
“That’s my bike, get off!”
“I don’t know any of my neighbors.”
“I just use facebook to get in touch with people now.”
“I’m saving up all this money and storing all this junk and clutter because it’s mineminemine! I earned it.”

I see a decline in closeness, and I think confession can be one step in bringing us back together.

Because living as an atheist is such a personal and individual path, there is no requirement or easy access to a group like a church or a temple. Sure, we have our meetup groups, organizations, and online communities, but these do not serve the same function. And that’s okay, don’t get me wrong. There is no common teaching or set of guidelines for being a freethinker, so we can’t confess to breaking any rules or ideals. We are empowered to figure out our lives and our decisions on our own. And that is what I find both exhilarating and lonely.

What I miss about being in community is the closeness of a common bond and experience with my peers. We lived, cried, and laughed with each other. In the ideal moments, we took care of each other’s needs and provided more than just friendship. We were co-humans, not just religious followers. I was forthright and intimately connected to the hearts of my friends. It was like the bond of knowing between lovers without the sexual component. This experience still holds a special place in my heart today, and I have a dream that I will again live in a community of shared possessions and experiences.

For secular people, all wrongdoing is against another person just like us—not a deity or imaginary ruler. So confessing a feeling of guilt or shame would directly involve the person harmed or affected by an action. If I lied to a friend, the only people that should be involved in fixing it are myself and the person I lied to. Confessing my deception would hurt and be difficult, but in the end, we could resolve our issues and become more mature and closer friends.

Confession brings others into our most intimate, complex moments. When we’re brutally honest about ourselves and our struggles, we are being as raw and real as we can possibly get. Have you ever had a long conversation with a friend or even a complete stranger when everything is out on the table? You found yourself telling this person things you’ve never confided in anyone else. You spoke about doubts and concerns in your mind. You discussed larger social issues and philosophical ideas, and you did it in total peace–listening to everything said and accepting the other person just as they were. The energy, openness, and warmth that comes from those encounters is what I think confession is all about.

Change.

Better yourself; improve yourself—but not because you have to in order to meet some standard someone else has set. Grow into a person who lives up to your own values about trust, honesty, love, and compassion. Do it for the community of humankind that will benefit from the small ripple your choices make. Choose to do good and be good because it makes life better for you and everyone around you.

Confess because we’re all in this together.

I do not enjoy reading about philosophy or logic.
I have not mastered true rational thought, and I probably couldn’t explain it to you without quoting someone else.
I still don’t know where I stand on a lot of issues, and I am often a poor representative of any position.

I am a normal mid-twenties woman with a job, internet addiction, and flabby thighs.
I read more fiction than non-fiction, love random factoids, and I only follow the news I find most interesting.
I like to make dirty jokes and curse like a sailor.
I’m overly curious, not afraid of emotion, personal, and very opinionated.
I adore deep conversations about experience, ideas, theology, and life.
I have a 4-year Bachelor’s degree in Communications and a minor in Creative Writing. I think this just means I like words.

I left faith because I am your normal everyday thinking chick with an itch to know herself and her place in this life. I used to be called wise and thoughtful about the bible and faith, but now I realize I was and am simply holding small bits of knowledge and insight that hang like loose strings off the coattails of the great thinkers and eloquent writers that have gone before.

I did not read every book I could get my hands on before deconverting. I did not engage in endless debates or request pastoral counseling. I will not pretend that I couldn’t have done more to save my faith. Perhaps with enough devotion and desperation anyone can shut out doubt and curiosity. When I left Christianity, I watched, listened, read, and digested the right things at the right time. Because of this, the light bulb in my head didn’t just turn on; it exploded like a popped balloon. I was ready. Faith was no more.

I am not an authority. I do not blog because I believe I know something you don’t. I’m not here to bring you the latest and hottest news, gain internet stardom, or wax eloquent about the meaning of life. I blog because I like being a part of the community and conversation. I also like hearing myself talk, and that doesn’t hurt.

I am just a woman–a Godless Girl.

Photo by lintmachine

Because my dear mother is worried. She came to me tonight expressing a desire to talk about “the elephant in the room” which is, apparently, my atheism. In a very polite manner, she expressed her concern:

Ever since I came out to her in October, she has been reading more godless blogs (perhaps mine… rut roh!) and experiencing the snarky, jabbing, “haughty ridicule” (as she called it) that sometimes accompanies heathen venting sessions and social commentary.  I freely acknowledge that some atheists are bitchy, chip-on-the-shoulder finger-pointers.

What worries her is that I might become like the people described above: sour in attitude, uncharitable in speech, and antagonistic in practice.

Should she be worried? Yes. I have to admit I am almost all of the above things at one time or another towards Christianity or woo in general. I consider myself an anti-theist and have no issues mocking certain ideas that are, in fact, ridiculous. Sometimes I make fun of other people because of their behavior, silly superstitions, or unbelievably ignorant beliefs.

I’m sorry Mother; I may be what you dislike… at least in part.

Even so, I want to make clear to the people of faith reading this blog that I empathize with you a great deal. I spent my entire life surrounded by the best kinds of Christians (with a few crazies thrown in). I know what it’s like to yearn after Jesus, follow the Spirit, trust in God, pray, see others come to the Lord, feel a mighty work in my life, and so forth. I know all of those things, and I honestly do understand where you’re coming from. I hope my knowledge of the Bible, theology, and the way passionate believers feel will make me a more ecumenically minded atheist (once I get past all the fun bitchitude). I hope I will soften more and stifle some of my most rude comments out of respect for people that are genuinely doing their humble best to follow what they believe and think is right and true.

But when it comes to the stubbornly ignorant, the bigoted, the anti-scientific, the hateful, the hellfire-and-brimstone theocratic blowhards… all bets are off–Godless Girl puts on the gloves.

I especially say “Hear, hear!” when he says he did not choose to stop believing in the Christian religion–he was simply on a search for truth and was able to discount all of the Christian dogmas.

Ramen, Russell!

I’ve been cruising AverageWizard (which is filled with many more intense fans than myself) and imagining what it would be like if my life truly was magical. Would being a skeptic mean something different than it does today? If magic existed, would we believe in a supernatural realm? What would be the cause of this magic? Since many spells fight the natural laws of our current universe, would these laws endure in the Harry Potter universe? Would there perhaps be new ways to explain magical events like transfiguration, immortal life, and flying broomsticks?

And as usual, I find that I am not the first to think of such things. Take Roger Highfield’s book The Science of Harry Potter for example.

[Highfield uses] the Potter corpus as the launching pad for a wonderful foray into genetics, biology, quantum theory, behaviorism, mythology, folklore, and more, bolstered by drawing on and extrapolating from the work of a great variety of scientists and scholars. Magic, like science, he states, affords many insights into the workings of the human brain, which he designates as the greatest wizard of all. Whether dealing with flying broomsticks, Quidditch, or Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, Highfield demonstrates how Muggle science has a leg up on many of the phenomena in Harry’s world. The book’s second half focuses more on the origins of magical thinking.

George Plitnik, a physics professor at Frostburg State University, even offered a seminar using the book. Talk about making science fun to learn!

So, would life be different for you if magic existed? Do you think supernatural beliefs would be more or less rampant in society? Would Jesus Christ have been a magician instead of a rabbi? Would we be suffering from the same crises of war, hunger, environmental pollution, and poverty? Would Harry Potter be the messiah in our next religion? Could a Satan myth exist in this world as the ruler of all dark magic?

P.S. Just in case you didn’t know, Daniel Radcliffe, the actor behind Harry Potter, is an atheist!

“If we need a brain for consciousness, then consciousness cannot survive the brain’s destruction.” This is a point I want to hammer home to the believers in a conscious afterlife (read: heaven/hell). If the soul is all that survives death, how are these people planning on admiring streets of gold or agonizing inside the burning hot lava of hell when there will be no possible way of experiencing these things?

“Since you don’t seem to care about things you don’t understand, screw you. We quit” [said Dr. Simon Peavy, vice-president of the National Association of Experts].

“My final piece of expert advice,” Peavy added, “is that all of you people should just go fuck yourselves.”

According to Peavy, despite the vast amounts of scientifically proven and historically sound advice provided by the nation’s experts, the National Association of Experts could cite no instances of advice being followed in the manner they had intended.

According to FDA spokesperson Jonathan Landau, the exiting advisors will be missed, but the nation must move forward. “We, of course, are deeply saddened to lose America’s most knowledgeable individuals in every field,” Landau said. “But at the same time, it’s important to recognize that their advice, however well-informed or well-intentioned, was almost always impractical.”

Landau said he plans to fill his own vacant advisory positions with “positive-minded, people-friendly sexperts, advice columnists and astrologers” as soon as funding can be arranged.

I spotted an exchange about this article on facebook:

Can you get any better than that fabulous Colbert quote immediately followed by a stellar example of Christian willful ignorance? Lisa admits that she’ll sit at the bottom of the intellectual heap and ignore anyone smarter than her so long as it fits what she thinks about her imaginary skygod friend, the “Man at the Top”. Being proud of ignoring wisdom, learning, science, and intelligence is ridiculous and yet oh-so-common within Fundamentalist circles.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFO6ZhUW38w

You can download an mp3 of this song (and others) here!

Bonus! His long-and-worth-every-second hilarious beat poem “Storm” slams woo with crisp, creative rhyme. Tim, my mind is humping you! Hope that’s okay with your wife.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujUQn0HhGEk

P.S. Did you know that my pet term “dewoosional” is now up on urbandictionary.com? Now you do.