Jesus texted the King James Bible? Wow, those are some powerful thumbs. I wonder if God uses autocorrect. I guess he didn’t care how much it would cost me to read it all. Verizon really over-charges, even for deities. It also reminds me of this guy:
By the way, if Jesus created deep dish pizza, couldn’t he have made it more healthy? It goes straight to my fat ass.
These few passages from the Hipster Bible need to be expanded into an entire volume! It would be easily the best Bible translation since the LOLcats Bible and The Brick Testament.
rAmen!
(hat tip Trace)
Good ol’ Bible literalist John Shimkus (R-IL) is a member of the United States House of Representatives. He’s an evangelical Republican who also sits on the House Committee on Energy and Commerce.
This committee has jurisdiction over a large portion of legislation, such as public health, biomedical research, travel and tourism, national environmental policy, alternative energy, and conservation. That sure is a lot of power, wouldn’t you say?
So whats the problem with Shimkus being on the committee? Let’s see what he thinks about preserving the environment:
During a hearing in 2009, he dismissed the dangers of climate change and the warnings of the scientific community by quoting the Bible. He uses God’s promise to Noah (Genesis 8:21-22) [as proof.]
“I believe that’s the infallible word of God, and that’s the way it’s going to be for his creation,” Shimkus said.
Oh goody, someone who thinks the flood was literal and pretty rainbows mean climate change is a lie.
He then uses Matthew 24:31 (which has nothing at all to do with the environment) to defend a position that:
“The Earth will end only when God declares it’s time to be over. Man will not destroy this Earth. This Earth will not be destroyed by a Flood,” Shimkus asserted. “I do believe that God’s word is infallible, unchanging, perfect.”
(source)
Shouldn’t there be a requirement for learned people who actually know an industry—or at least (dare I say it) science—to lead the major committees in the House? Pretty please with intelligence on top?
Oh gee, it reminds me of this:
The American Civil Liberties Union is suing a jail in South Carolina for restricting inmates’ reading material and thus violating their First Amendment rights. The only book they can read is a paperback Bible; no magazines, educational books, novels, or newspapers are allowed.
‘Our inmates are only allowed to receive soft back bibles in the mail directly from the publisher,’ First Sgt. K. Habersham noted in the e-mail. ‘They are not allowed to have magazines, newspapers, or any other type of books.’
How backwards is this policy? It keeps inmates from being educated, balanced thinkers in every way. Even if I was a Christian, I would hate it. People in all situations deserve to read and learn.
Is anyone else thinking this seems a lot like Shawshank Redemption?
(via christiannightmares)
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