from 'Wonderfully Made' (1967)
I used to think my education about sexuality and reproduction was sub-par, but this woman who wrote in to the advice column Ask Amy [Note: article not online anymore] takes the cake, cookies, and the whole damn tub of ice cream.
Dear Amy: My husband and I are devout Catholics. We have chosen to protect the innocence of our 7-year-old son by not educating him about the “facts of life” until he hits puberty.
We have told him that the Virgin Mary puts a baby on your doorstep if you pray for one. He is in a Catholic school, so we don’t have to worry about “sexual education.”
My sister knows about our choice, but she does not approve of it. She is pregnant. Recently, she wore a “Baby on Board” T-shirt when visiting.
Our son asked about it, but I did not know what to tell him! What should I do if a problem like this arises in the future?
— Worried Mom
My reaction:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oaa1MkSG5EQ
And then I nearly peed myself.
This is ridiculous even for Catholics. This poor child—who will undoubtedly discover the magical powers of his penis before his parents even admit he has one—can only be defined as a victim. His parents’ efforts to shelter him from all knowledge and curiosity will fail miserably thanks to his friends, television, the internet, and print media. They may be Super Catholics™, but they don’t live in a bubble.
I can understand the desire to protect your children from the more crude and basic aspects of life as much as possible, but by blatantly lying about something as obvious as Mary “the Stork” Mother of Jesus and the fact that babies grow in a mother’s womb they are also killing his trust in them later once he finds out they deceived him. Why should he listen to anything they have to say about sex or the bible when they lie about something so innocent?
One of the main thrusts of Catholic morality is to wait until marriage to have intercourse. If this boy doesn’t learn that babies are a natural consequence of intercourse, he will be even more likely to go out and have sex early on, won’t he? And what a surprise it would be to have a young girl pregnant and the parents hearing their son say, “But I didn’t pray to Mary for a baby. Why did she bring one?”
Don’t even get me started with the mother’s offense at a “Baby On Board” t-shirt.
Oh, but let’s not forget the columnist’s response! Here’s what Amy said [Note:article not online anymore]:
Dear Mom: You could ask your son’s teachers or clergy for guidance, but because you’re asking me, I’ll respond by asking you: Isn’t an essential element of the drama of Jesus’ birth that he was born of a human mother?
In the biblical version of “Baby on Board,” wasn’t Mary “great with child” when she and Joseph stumbled into Nazareth?
A baby isn’t a newspaper, left on the doorstep by an omnipotent delivery person.
All animals and humans give birth to babies, and even if you don’t want to explain how babies are conceived, it is both truthful and religiously defensible to tell your son that babies grow inside their mother’s bodies (or “tummies”) until they are born. If you want to fabricate the story of how they got there, go for it.
Bravo, and I hope she gets some sense knocked into her.
P.S. The image in this blog post is from Wonderfully Made—an amusing children’s book about families from the point of view of the 1960′s Catholic church. Check it out. Classic gold!
photo by Rachel Ford James
The Free-for-All Bookshelf here at work is a little bit tighter now, stuffed with my newest donations. I just emptied a big white crate filled with some of my most precious possessions as a Christian: books. I’ve had this collection sitting in my car trunk for over a year. It went with me on vacations, to-and-from work, and I just tried to ignore it when I packed my groceries or stuffed my suitcases into my little Mazda.
What was I waiting for? I’d already purged a large percentage of my Christian books in 2008 when I discovered (or, more accurately, admitted) my atheism. Everything from Bible studies and self-help to fiction and humor was either tossed in the recycling for good or donated to Goodwill for people to pick through if they gave a damn.
But this crate–this generic white crate that always pinched my fingers when I carried it–was the spiritual and emotional luggage from my religious past all in one place. Some of my most beloved titles were in there:
- The Cost of Discipleship and Life Together by Deitrich Bonhoeffer. Bonhoeffer was always able to touch the part of my dreams that desired depth, thoughtfulness, community, and courage.
- A Simple Path by Mother Teresa. I always loved her writings and even considered converting to Catholicism after reading what she and Therese of Lisieux had to say about love and its purity of devotion. I was attracted to the sweetness and passion I saw in their words.
- The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. I’m almost embarrassed to leave this book in the hands of a stranger. I scrawled notes and highlighted so many passages of this book that it’s practically a public confessional of my most formative years as a Christian (which happened to be some of my last years, so it turns out). I dove into this book with such emotional transparency that it makes me blush just to read it again.
- Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger by Ronald Sider. I challenge all believers to get this book and take it to heart.
- Restoration and King of the Jews by D. Thomas Lancaster. I went through a long, passionate phase as a Messianic believer in what might be called the torah-observant movement when these books about the unity between “old” and “new” portions of the Christian Bible meant a great deal to me. It truly changed the kind of Christian I was.
And these are just a sampling of the types of books that influenced me in my multi-faceted religious life. I admit, I still have an emotional connection to them. Like many people who seek comfort and guidance during rough times, these types of books were a help for me when I was grieving, curious, and alone. But like many former Christians I know, I’m now able to look back on those tools and texts and see them for another perspective, with the “veil” of faith and myth pulled away from my eyes.
It was difficult placing them on the shelf today, but I am glad and relieved to have already left those old beliefs and delusions behind. Not everything that makes us feel good or helps us through a tough time is true or correct. I’m sure if I had been non-religious during those years that I would have come out just fine all the same. I’m glad I had a searching and curious mind that was fascinated by those volumes but also able to see more to life than belief in a non-existent god.
What items have been hard for you to part with over the years? Items from past relationships? Books? Habits?
First, you must know I am a very enthusiastic fan of Harry Potter and his universe. I am not embarrassed by this in any way, but I have not reached true fangirl status (dressing up, fan mail, fapping to movie posters and the like). Still, if the HP universe existed, I would be leaking happiness! You would hear me squeal out various spells as I breezed past you on my broom.
I’ve been cruising AverageWizard (which is filled with many more intense fans than myself) and imagining what it would be like if my life truly was magical. Would being a skeptic mean something different than it does today? If magic existed, would we believe in a supernatural realm? What would be the cause of this magic? Since many spells fight the natural laws of our current universe, would these laws endure in the Harry Potter universe? Would there perhaps be new ways to explain magical events like transfiguration, immortal life, and flying broomsticks?
And as usual, I find that I am not the first to think of such things. Take Roger Highfield’s book The Science of Harry Potter for example.
[Highfield uses] the Potter corpus as the launching pad for a wonderful foray into genetics, biology, quantum theory, behaviorism, mythology, folklore, and more, bolstered by drawing on and extrapolating from the work of a great variety of scientists and scholars. Magic, like science, he states, affords many insights into the workings of the human brain, which he designates as the greatest wizard of all. Whether dealing with flying broomsticks, Quidditch, or Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, Highfield demonstrates how Muggle science has a leg up on many of the phenomena in Harry’s world. The book’s second half focuses more on the origins of magical thinking.
George Plitnik, a physics professor at Frostburg State University, even offered a seminar using the book. Talk about making science fun to learn!
So, would life be different for you if magic existed? Do you think supernatural beliefs would be more or less rampant in society? Would Jesus Christ have been a magician instead of a rabbi? Would we be suffering from the same crises of war, hunger, environmental pollution, and poverty? Would Harry Potter be the messiah in our next religion? Could a Satan myth exist in this world as the ruler of all dark magic?
P.S. Just in case you didn’t know, Daniel Radcliffe, the actor behind Harry Potter, is an atheist!
From the shelves of the ReligioNuts™ comes a frightening children’s book that’s sure to minister to the damaged souls of your Halloween-loving children. If they have been abused by pagans, pornographers, and suicidal cult leaders, this may be the best choice for a bedtime story I’ve ever seen.
And yes, this is a real book.
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