*facepalm*
My mother is visiting for a few days as she attends a local conference. We get along well and have been talking over various topics like jobs, memories, family get-togethers, and so forth. Tonight, the conversation turned to my relationship with my Man (If you’re reading this, baby, don’t be weirded out! This is what our family can’t avoid doing.). At the end of this pleasant topic, we discuss the meaning and reasons for getting married vs. long term partnerships. I list my reasons for liking the institution, and then the conversation follows like this:
Mom: “I don’t mean this in a challenging way, but in order to understand you better, may I ask… Is God a part of your reasoning when it comes to marriage?”
Me: “No.”
Mom: {pause} “Okay. The reason I ask is because I have views on the spiritual meaning and value of marriage, and it would only apply if you considered God in the equation.”
Me: {feeling anxious for some reason} “Yeah, I understand that viewpoint–not having been married, but still as a… well, I’ve been from that uh… I know what it means.”
Mom: “May I ask you where you are with the whole God thing? I mean, you don’t have to say anything…”
Me: “No, it’s okay…” {jittery pause, can’t think of the words} “I’m kind of apprehensive about talking over something so personal with people whom I care for so much and whose opinion really matters to me.”
Mom: “Oh I totally understand you there.”
Me: {Forming the words in my mouth to tell her the truth when—}
{–Keys jingle in the lock. Roomie enters the apartment, cracking the tension like peanut brittle}
THE END.
Oh my damn. I was this close, people! I was ready to say these words: “I’ve been an atheist since summer 2008.” But no! I have to start that whole freaking conversation over again! It’s not like she doesn’t know. Look at all those hints I was dropping! She knows I say no to church, don’t talk about spiritual things, don’t pray with others, etc. She just hasn’t heard me say the words yet. I believe I’m ready, but I am totally unrehearsed. I fly by the seat of my pants. This situation was like having my pants split. Awkward, poor timing, and I’m scrambling to act normal. Will I finish the talk this weekend? Probably. I’m sick of secrets.
photo by DerrickT
The delightful and thoughtful @hyumen documented the beginning of a long journey on her blog.
Well, I did it. I told my family that I am an atheist. Sort of.
After posting the results of the “Do you believe in God?” CNN poll (which strongly favored “No” at the time of its closing), a discussion about doubting God’s existence broke out on her Facebook page. Two family members joined her in vocalizing those doubts, while another, a theist, spoke back about why God is truly there.
The good news is that at least a part of my family knows how I feel now. We all know what the bad news is. I will have to hear the hellfire and brimstone sermonettes at every turn, as will my nephew and daughter. However, the family doesn’t know there are several more in the family who have yet to come out of the atheist closet. The holidays this year should be very interesting.
Make sure to check out her blog and support her as she navigates this family situation.
As the aphorism goes, “Everyone is coming from somewhere”. Some atheists were raised without religion and faith; others live in areas that are unwelcoming to the non-religious.
For all of you atheists who had to come out of the proverbial closet as non-believers: What steps did it take to be completely public and honest about your identity? Was it a confession to one individual at a time or perhaps a more public approach like @hyumen’s? Were the people around you welcoming and understanding of you or did they evangelize and debate? How long were you “in the closet” before coming out godless?
Cast your vote:
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“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”
What if–instead of swearing on a bible, holy book, or other boring document–we could pinky swear? I’d even go for a “cross my heart” every once in a while.
Well, the folks over at secularpinkyswear.org have got the right idea. They’ve written out a pledge for those who wish to live by secular principals.
Here are the ideals you would affirm:
- I will be open about my secular values and will not feign religious values due to pressure from friends, family, employers and/or the general public.
- If I face religious pressure in the future, I will be mindful that as an individual I have a right to believe and act in a way that I deem appropriate. To accept dogma, superstition or creeds that I don’t believe in would be to sacrifice freedom of conscience and expression on the altar of conformism.
- Without need for religious reference, I will make every effort to take a mature, intelligent approach to decisions regarding my sexuality. I understand the appropriate context for sexual abstinence and appreciate the benefits that communication and maturity bring to intimacy.
- If I marry, my wedding ceremony will be either humanist, secular, or a joint ceremony that avoids the implication that I hold to views not actually my own.
- If I have children, I will recognize the importance of letting my humanist values inform my childrearing, and won’t yield to cultural, family, or other pressures to indoctrinate them into traditional religious beliefs or force them to participate in religious rites of passage.
- Without losing sight of the importance of diverse viewpoints, I will encourage others to appreciate the value of reason, compassion, equality, and other enlightened principles that make the world a better and safer place for humanity, now and in the future.
- In all of my actions, and without threat of divine retribution, I will strive to respect the dignity of all people.
That first one is a real challenge for me, since I’m still in the closet. I don’t pretend to have religious values, but I am not public about the fact that my views are godless. Think I could still put my name down?
What do you think of these affirmations? Would you add any others? Will you pinky swear?
(via @Pharyngula)
This is the first Easter I will be spending apart from my family, without going to church, and without any sort of recognition whatsoever. I will miss seeing my relatives and enjoying their company, but I just didn’t want to do the traveling and have to say “no” ten times to invites to multiple masses, a special Saturday night religious ceremony my family has at dinner, and prayer times. To my family, the point of Easter was not chocolate, ham dinners, bunnies, nor eggs. It was always about Jesus’ death and resurrection. We were always very devoted and serious Christians. And easter used to be my favorite church holiday of the whole year.
I was raised semi-Catholic (never confirmed), and always kept one toe in the Roman Catholic pool. I would visit mass with my mother when she invited me, and my favorite service of any denomination was always the annual Easter vigil mass on Saturday nights (which is going on as I type this now). The late-into-the-night, 5-hour-long service was the high-point of my spiritual year. I memorized the songs as a child, knew the rhythm of the readings by the time I was a teen, and loved every single second. When other kids would be bored and restless, I was excited, attentive, and involved. And I wasn’t even Catholic!
There was a magic in the darkness of the sanctuary, a ripple of excitement when the candles were lit, and a thrumming thrill that flooded the entire church when the gospel readings were read, the lights came on, and the ecstatic songs of praise would ring out. I lived for those moments. I felt so at home, so fulfilled spiritually.
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