photo by Joe McCarthy
When you meet someone new or are just enjoying discussions with other people, are you ever surprised when you find out they don’t share your views? I keep having this experience! Tonight while at dinner with a group of women, one of them mentioned her pre-teen son being baptized at their church since he just “got saved” and how excited she was. During her story, I kept expecting a punchline—as if she would suddenly laugh and tell a story about going skinny dipping in the baptism dunk tanks. But no, she was totally serious, and nothing’s wrong with that.
It made me wonder: Do we assume the people with whom we get along are going to think the same ways we do? I think I do! For instance, I’m skeptical about the paranormal; I do not believe ghosts exist. A friend of mine gabs constantly about ghost hunting and the supernatural, and all the while I laugh and think she must be joking because, hell, who honestly believes in ghosts? Well, she does. Why am I so surprised? Is it my ego?
I remember feeling this way as a Christian as well; If I met someone who wasn’t a believer, it was like a trip into a different world. They were strange, foreign, and mysterious. How could they not believe in Jesus? Of course, Christianity is so popular that it’s sometimes difficult to find people who openly identify with something else—at least in my area. So why am I walking through life as part of the atheist minority assuming everyone else thinks Satan is silly and God is a figment of our imaginations? I have no idea! I guess I think I’m normal!
photo by Clare & James
How diverse is your circle of friends? Are you surrounded by people of one belief system? Do you ever avoid getting to know people with vastly different opinions and convictions—even without consciously doing so? Why or why not?
I don’t understand why someone would choose to discount an entire group of people because of their belief or non-belief in deities. Unfortunately, I see this happening on both sides of the theism debate.
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Photo by tommy_pariah (flickr)
On reddit, droosa asks:
I got to thinking about anger towards religion and religious people. I’ve had periods of vindictive, spiteful anger and other periods of peaceful disagreement. The angry times tend to drain all areas of my life and unfortunately it seems to be cyclical.
So, redditors: How do you transition from anger to something less taxing?
I’m not feeling very practical about this issue. I’ll leave that up to the guys who say, “I await death. Til then, masturbation and video games.” Who can argue with a wank and a Wii?
Anger and cynicism are big issues for me. I’ve spent a long time feeling buried by my resentment and bitterness towards believers, religious leaders, and all of that bullshit. I know I’ve written a thousand tweets and dozens of blog posts about how silly and frustrating I find religion–specifically Christianity. At my worst, I couldn’t even talk to some believers because I assumed the worst and sneered at the idea of what they’d say about prayer or God’s will or some other vacuous superstition.
These days, when someone wants to pray at a function I don’t fume inside; if a friend invites me to church or talks about what she learned in her small group, I don’t roll my eyes and sneer. I don’t feel like I’m fighting for my reason for existing against some malicious population who hates me.
So why do I feel so much more comfortable today?
For me, relationships have been the key. The more I grow close and friendly with people of other ideas, the better I tend to act and feel towards others who hold those ideas–even if they are delusions or born from ignorance.
For instance, I was terribly angry right after leaving faith because I was also angry at myself for being so…duped and taken in. I pushed my anger at this gullability onto those who indoctrinated me. This resentment bounced off onto everyone who indoctrinates others and teaches religious lies… and the cycle continues outward. After a while, I was just plain bitter!
But as I’ve been growing closer to some dear friends who are devout and passionate believers and have connected with them on a fun, peaceful, understanding level, the differences we have sort of melt away. I’m left realizing that my anger is my own struggle. I can have peace and happy relationships with these folks; religion and discord don’t have to be apart of it.
I’m also convincing myself here, you understand. I need to keep taking my own advice.
My point comes down to this: Love people as individuals. See them as more than just “those believers” or “those superstitious weaklings.” Who are they? Why do they have worth and dignity? It’s hard to be angry at people when you understand why they are who they are. Motivations matter, and they come from somewhere. Is it a need for love? A thirst for activity an community? Conformity and social expectation? Depression and fear?
Have understanding, and you won’t need to have so much anger.
Ah the internet. Such a font of fantastic, novel, and often useless knowledge. One of my favorite sites to read for fun is WikiHow.com. The user-created content there is often worth reading if you need some simple advice on how to handle different situations.
Some of these wiki entries apply directly to secular folks like you and me. Do you have a friend who wants to ask you how your spiritual walk with god is going? Is your brother confronting you at an awkward time about your lack of church attendance? Do you just want to avoid debates on religion all together? Check out this bit of wisdom about how to handle acquaintances, family, or friends when they want to talk about spiritual matters:
How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion
Photo by hovering dog (flickr.com)
from wikiHow
There is a time and place for everything under the sun, including discussions about religion. Whether you are religious or not, if someone is trying to draw you into a conversation, or perhaps an argument, regarding religion or morality but the timing and situation is awkward and uncomfortable, this article will help you find a way to avoid a heated debate as politely as possible.
Steps
- Resist the urge to argue. It’s difficult to overlook a statement that seems completely ignorant and ungrounded, and you’ll likely have the urge to correct the person. Instead, smile and say “Interesting…”
- Meet it head on with honesty. Be true to yourself and your own feelings. Say “I’m not comfortable talking about that and I’m just not willing to have this conversation…”
- Redirect the conversation.
- Ask about their children, significant other, health, or job.
- Make an absurd joke to deflect the seriousness of the situation. For example, try: “Religion? No, I haven’t seen that movie.” Or: “Religion?! What . . . do you get that at, like, Wal-Mart or Starbucks or something?” Or: “No thanks. I haven’t been able to talk about religion since the last time the Cubs won the World Series.”
- Dead pan, “I am sorry. I have a firm rule to not discuss politics or religion with anyone I’ve not seen naked.” That usually ends the discussion rather abruptly, and on a light-hearted note.
- For people who are insistent on discussing religion, however, they’re likely to return to that topic quickly, so keep the conversation flowing at the level of small talk until you can do something else.
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