As I grew up I became a very good performer when it came to preaching a message, sharing my testimony, or revealing an insight from the “holy spirit.”
Do you want to see just how early indoctrination, training, and exposure to the mannerisms, cultures, and languages of religion starts? Check this out:
Wow, what do you think? Also check out an ABC News piece on the child preacher phenomenon.
Children are amazing imitators–frighteningly so. Notice how culturally-specific these emotional, “spirit-filled” sermons are? It’s a performance. That’s what preaching and prophesying and praying aloud in public are all about. Who could honestly say that while they are in front of a group they didn’t care at all about if the audience liked it or if they did a good job? I tried not to think about those things as a Christian, but I couldn’t help it–especially as a young person who most wants love, attention, and affirmation.
What most recognizable in the videos are the styles of preaching, but what’s even more important is the content of what they say. Do you think children teach Bible lessons that don’t conform to the beliefs of their own church or group? I doubt it. Do you think these kids can understand the serious doctrines and theologies they’re shouting about? I doubt many adults actually understand what they preach, much less a child who hasn’t developed critical thinking nor been educated.
Sigh.
And for those who preach against alcohol but want all the perks of a goofy buzz:
Bonus from Lamebook:
photo by Jeff Brownell
I think every subgroup has its own set of buzzwords. Just ask anyone who’s attended business school about their “highly-functioning team synergy” or listen to a World of Warcraft gamer talk about anything…at all. Well, religions are like that too, and the one I’m most familiar with is Christianity. “Christianese” was, and is, part of my life. It was always so difficult to explain phrases like “grace without works” or “laying out a fleece before God” to people unfamiliar with the Bible or the social clubs that are Christian denominations.
If you’ve ever been active within Christianity, you may have heard many of these terms thrown around. Some of them may depend on the tradition and culture.
How many buzzwords and phrases can we think up? Here are 10 to start you off:
- The Bride of Christ: The followers of Jesus, used metaphorically to illustrate an intimate bond with the divine. It’s an amusing phrase since no one (according to tradition, not Dan Brown) ever married Jesus here on earth.
- ____ in the Spirit: Fill in the blank with your favorite verbs such as “slain, resting, crying, moving, praying”. This phrase means doing something under the influence of God’s holy spirit, often very trance-like, emotional, ecstatic, or dramatic. I even heard a woman say she was “driving in the Spirit” which made me afraid for the other motorists.
- Anointing: In Judaism, it meant being anointed with oil to mark being chosen by God to be a priest or king. In Christianity today, it usually means being “filled with the holy spirit” (another Christianese phrase) and blessed by God… followed by “____ing in the Spirit”.
- Revival: Christian revival is often accompanied by fire and brimstone sermons and evangelistic meetings that go on for days at a time. They say it will bring a new life or vibrancy to the church and community, but it usually just brings more church members into confessions of sin and commitments not to look at porn or listen to satanic secular music anymore.
- If it be God’s will/God-willing: Superstitious cop-out often said before someone states what they really want to do. Like “God willing, I’ll have enough money to buy that big screen tv next month” or “If it be God’s will, Bobby will get into Princeton and study to be a doctor.” Apparently having your own goals and dreams is bad.
- Just give it up to God/Take it to the Lord in prayer: i.e. “Sucks to be you.” or “I (have no idea how/don’t want) to solve your problem, so tell someone else.”
- Your Christian walk with God: All-encompassing way to describe the “relationship” one has with their imaginary friend. It includes pious acts of devotion, spiritual habits, emotional health, and everything that makes someone a “good Christian”. This is often used in the form of a question by someone who shouldn’t be in your personal business.
- Laying on of hands: Praying for someone while touching them. This often occurs before “____ing in the Spirit” because everyone is watching you; if you feel the “anointing”, you’ll probably do something interesting to prove it.
- Being born again: Coming out of a vagina fully-formed. Oh wait, that’s gross. It really means getting a fresh start as a newly “saved”(see below) Christian. Being “born again” is supremely important to people who evangelize. They think this magical-yet-figurative birth is vital if you’re going to get into Heaven.
- Salvation story/testimony: Here’s a typical testimony: “I was having a really great time doing things Christians think are bad. I was told they were bad. I felt guilty/empty. I chose to follow Jesus. I instantly felt awesome again. I gave up all the fun stuff and now I tell people I think it’s gross too.”
Photo by Richard Masoner
It was a Wednesday night and I was on the ground, rolling and gasping for air, laughter coming in wave after wave, cramping all my muscles and pushing tears out of the corners of my eyes. I was lost to the world, convulsing in heavy, wheezing laughs. But I hadn’t heard a good joke nor was I tickled; I was “laughing in the Spirit” and this hysteric guffaw continued for over a half hour straight without breaks.
I was only 13 years old and on a mission trip in rural Appalachia with my (very) non-Charismatic church youth group. I was the only student who had a lot of previous experience with the “gifts of the Holy Spirit”, and the last thing I expected was that these gifts would occur during a Presbyterian prayer meeting. Most of the other attendees were just as shocked as I was. In fact, one girl thought my giggle fit was aimed in a mocking way at other children experiencing emotional times of worship. I couldn’t talk plainly enough to answer her, so she grabbed a glass full of milk and poured it on my head. It didn’t help.
I’m not sure if this group fit was suggested, or if one emotional, weeping child led to someone falling over, which lead to speaking in tongues, dancing, and my personal experience with holy laughter. I may have helped the situation along by telling people that it was God’s Spirit leading us and that speaking in tongues and being slain in the Spirit was great.
Was it a chain reaction? Wanting to fit in? Mass hysteria? Supernatural? How can we know?
One thing’s for sure–the grownup leaders at this prayer meeting lost control over every aspect, and it went much too far. By the next day stories of demon visitations, prophesying, and salvation were filtering all around the camp.
Want to see this “Spirit” in action?
The following clip was edited to show the humor in a pentecostal worship service, but it reminded me so much of the contagious nature of those social situations. Just watch as people fall down as if drunk after hearing the pastor speak about the apostles appearing drunk in Acts 2.
It may be my intuition, but I can look at the faces of many of those audience members and see them thinking about what they’re doing: fake laughter, self-propelled shakes, flailing, and so forth. This is the kind of behavior that makes me shudder and groan nowadays. See for yourself:
(hat tip to @achura)
Olin Thang on 
Cortez Frisch on 
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