photo by Ken Fager
I’m sick of assholes. I’d be less colorful in my language, but I also don’t think being censored necessarily leads to a better life. Maybe I should add that to my list.
I’ve penned a few quick tips for how to stop being an idiot who makes life unpleasant for yourself and those around you. Most of this is specifically directed at the atheist/theist community. If it applies to you, you probably won’t think it does, but someone out there might be picturing your face or username right about now, so it pays to give a few of these a whirl just to say you tried. Heck, it might just help us become a better society, and wouldn’t that be just peachy?
01
Don’t be an asshole. Just in case specifics are too much for you, try this one as a catch-all.
02
Want someone to listen to your opinions? Start by listening to theirs.
03
Biting one-liners & zingers won’t change anyone’s views on gods or the supernatural. You need to get deeper.
04
When you’re being a dick on the net, the only people who are hearing you are those who already agree with you. Do better.
05
Don’t ever censor your ‘enemy.’ When we all have equal rights, the best argument should win.
06
If you can make arguments about religion without resorting to cliches, quotes, or insults, you’re one step in the right direction.
07
Yes, some beliefs are silly, but the people who believe them do so for serious reasons. Find out what those are, and you might discover the keys to reaching that person. You might also gain a friend.
08
He/she may be rude, ignorant, or just an enormous bag of dicks, but you don’t need to be one in return no matter how tempting it may be.
09
When you make a mistake, are caught in a fallacy, or otherwise fuck up, apologize and start over. It will go a long way to help communication and gain you some respect.
10
Assume the persons with whom you debate have something to teach you. Be open to it, and they may become open to learning something from you in return.
11
No small group or single person is representative of the whole. Making sweeping statements about others only degrades your position.
12
You never know who is watching or listening. A seemingly insignificant point, fact, or insight you offer might help someone else in a great way.
13
Stick to the facts. Scientific truths and reason are some of the most convincing tools for planting seeds of doubt in outsiders.
14
Be kind and gentle. You won’t regret it, and you’ll gain much.
I’d like to thank many of you who are my friends, confidants, and allies in this world. Without you, I’d be living a much douchier life. I might come off as a bit of a wanker sometimes, but just like many of you, I’m trying to be better. Thanks for helping!
01
It is likely that state and federal holidays coincide with my religious practices, thereby having little to no impact on my job and/or education.
02
I can talk openly about my religious practices without concern for how it will be received by others.
03
I can be sure to hear music on the radio and watch specials on television that celebrate the holidays of my religion.
04
When told about the history of civilization, I am can be sure that I am shown people of my religion made it what it is.
05
I can worry about religious privilege without being perceived as “self-interested” or “selfseeking.”
06
I can have a “Jesus is Lord” bumper sticker or Icthus (Christian Fish) on my car and not worry about someone vandalizing my car because of it.
07
I can share my holiday greetings without being fully conscious of how it may impact those who do not celebrate the same holidays. Also, I can be sure that people are knowledgeable about the holidays of my religion and will greet me with the appropriate holiday greeting (e.g., Merry Christmas, Happy Easter, etc.).
08
I can probably assume that there is a universality of religious experience.
09
I can deny Christian Privilege by asserting that all religions are essentially the same.
10
I probably do not need to learn the religious or spiritual customs of others, and I am likely not penalized for not knowing them.
11
I am probably unencumbered by having to explain why I am or am not doing things related to my religious norms on a daily basis.
12
I am likely not judged by the improper actions of others in my religious group.
13
If I wish, I can usually or exclusively be among those from my religious group most of the time (in work, school, or at home).
14
I can assume that my safety, or the safety of my family, will not be put in jeopardy by disclosing my religion to others at work or at school.
15
It is likely that mass media represents my religion widely AND positively.
16
It is likely that I can find items to buy that represent my religious norms and holidays with relative ease (e.g., food, decorations, greeting cards, etc.).
17
I can speak or write about my religion, and even critique other religions, and have these perspectives listened to and published with relative ease and without much fear of reprisal.
18
I could write an article on Christian Privilege without putting my own religion on trial.
19
I can travel without others assuming that I put them at risk because of my religion; nor will my religion put me at risk from others when I travel.
20
I can be financially successful without the assumption from others that this success is connected to my religion.
21
I can protect myself (and my children) from people who may not like me (or them) based on my religion.
22
Law enforcement officials will likely assume I am a non-threatening person if my religion is disclosed to them. In fact, disclosure may actually help law enforcement officials perceive me as being “in the right” or “unbiased.”
23
I can safely assume that any authority figure will generally be someone of my religion.
24
I can talk about my religion, even proselytize, and be characterized as “sharing the word,” instead of imposing my ideas on others.
25
I can be gentle and affirming to people without being characterized as an exception to my religion.
26
I am never asked to speak on behalf of all Christians.
27
My citizenship and immigration status will likely not be questioned, and my background will likely not be investigated, because of my religion.
28
My place of worship is probably not targeted for violence because of sentiment against my religion.
29
I can be sure that my religion will not work against me when seeking medical or legal help.
30
My religion will not cause teachers to pigeonhole me into certain professions based of the assumed “prowess” of my religious group.
31
I will not have my children taken from me from governmental authorities who are aware of my religious affiliation.
32
Disclosure of my religion to an adoption agency will likely not prevent me from being able to adopt children.
33
If I wish to give my children a parochial religious education, I probably have a variety of options nearby.
34
I can be sure that my children will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence and importance of my religion.
35
I can be sure that when someone in the media is referring to God, they are referring to my (Christian) God.
36
I can easily find academic courses and institutions that give attention only to people of my religion.
37
My religious holidays are so completely “normal” that, in many ways, they may appear to no longer have any religious significance at all.
38
The elected and unelected officials of my government probably are members of my religious group.
39
When swearing an oath, I am probably making this oath by placing my hand on the scripture of my religion.
40
I can openly display my religious symbol(s) on my person or property without fear of disapproval, violence, and/or vandalism.
Schlosser, L. Z. (2003). Christian privilege: Breaking a sacred taboo. Journal of Multicultural Counseling and Development, 31(1), 44-51
You can download a PDF of this list here.
Ah the internet. Such a font of fantastic, novel, and often useless knowledge. One of my favorite sites to read for fun is WikiHow.com. The user-created content there is often worth reading if you need some simple advice on how to handle different situations.
Some of these wiki entries apply directly to secular folks like you and me. Do you have a friend who wants to ask you how your spiritual walk with god is going? Is your brother confronting you at an awkward time about your lack of church attendance? Do you just want to avoid debates on religion all together? Check out this bit of wisdom about how to handle acquaintances, family, or friends when they want to talk about spiritual matters:
How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion
Photo by hovering dog (flickr.com)
from wikiHow
There is a time and place for everything under the sun, including discussions about religion. Whether you are religious or not, if someone is trying to draw you into a conversation, or perhaps an argument, regarding religion or morality but the timing and situation is awkward and uncomfortable, this article will help you find a way to avoid a heated debate as politely as possible.
Steps
- Resist the urge to argue. It’s difficult to overlook a statement that seems completely ignorant and ungrounded, and you’ll likely have the urge to correct the person. Instead, smile and say “Interesting…”
- Meet it head on with honesty. Be true to yourself and your own feelings. Say “I’m not comfortable talking about that and I’m just not willing to have this conversation…”
- Redirect the conversation.
- Ask about their children, significant other, health, or job.
- Make an absurd joke to deflect the seriousness of the situation. For example, try: “Religion? No, I haven’t seen that movie.” Or: “Religion?! What . . . do you get that at, like, Wal-Mart or Starbucks or something?” Or: “No thanks. I haven’t been able to talk about religion since the last time the Cubs won the World Series.”
- Dead pan, “I am sorry. I have a firm rule to not discuss politics or religion with anyone I’ve not seen naked.” That usually ends the discussion rather abruptly, and on a light-hearted note.
- For people who are insistent on discussing religion, however, they’re likely to return to that topic quickly, so keep the conversation flowing at the level of small talk until you can do something else.
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