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For one year I was romantically entangled with a polyamorous man. He explained that he and his partner had agreed to have an open relationship where each person could love and enjoy other people sexually as long as they always stayed completely honest, practiced safe sex, took care of all each other’s emotional, physical, and practical needs first, and felt secure together–not jealous or afraid of losing one another. There was an underlying commitment that went along with their willingness to “spread the love” and explore other sexual avenues.
I soon learned that he and his partner were quite the normal couple with problems, insecurities, and hard work. Our experience ended up showing me that I was not inclined to take part in a polyamorous relationship, especially as “the other woman”. I was too selfish, insecure, and I treasured exclusivity too much to be prepared for that type of experience. I did not feel secure, trusting, nor loved. Perhaps this was his fault; perhaps it was the situation. Maybe it was me!
And although it did not work out, the relationship caused me to wonder: If we’re perfectly healthy emotionally and mentally, are we more inclined to be monogamous or to have multiple love partners? Does it depend on the individual? What is the reason for jealousy and the desire for security? What makes us cheat? Could having an open relationship help a couple? Or does it harm them in the long run? Is it only about sex?
Survey says..!
I recently polled my Twitter pals about the titillating topic of open relationships. Keep in mind that most of my tweeps are non-religious folks from all walks of life. If you’d like to respond, please comment! I’m fascinated by the variety of opinions and research on this topic.
Let’s see what they had to say using 140 characters! I’m keeping things anonymous to conserve their privacy.
Part A: “What do you think about open relationships?”
They’re ok, if you can handle that sort of thing. don’t think I could though.
I think whatever people can make work for them relationship-wise is fine by me, I’ve seen open relationships work out fine. [cont.] I think in a way Open Relat. may be easier, as there r far less boundaries 2 worry about crossing, no fear of being cheated on.
Not for me. [x2]
Whatever works for two (or three, or four…) consenting adults is none of my business whatsoever!
I like them!
I think they’re much more realistic than what you’re told to expect, relationship-wise.
Not a big fan, but my ex-wife was a fan.
Read more and check out Part B on Monogamy vs. Polyamory below the cut!
read more »
And I’m babbling.
