I have a facebook friend whom I like very much, and who is a very sweet and loving person. One of her quirks, however, is that she greatly enjoys researching “end times” conspiracy theories, prophecies, and speculations. Some of her favorite topics involve the “mark of the beast,” Israel, and anything scary or chaotic in the world that could be interpreted as a sign of the apocalypse and Jesus’ return to earth. Was there political unrest, a suicide bombing, tornado, or flood? JESUS!
Here is an example of the way anything—no matter how innocent or commonplace—can be manipulated to fit a conspiracy theory:
Oh shit! Sesame Street is hinting at the end of the world! They’re preparing for disaster! JESUS!
In case you’re curious, here’s what was actually broadcast:
The public service announcement was sponsored by FEMA‘s site ready.gov.
Ready Kids is part of the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s Ready campaign, a national public service advertising campaign designed to educate and empower Americans to prepare for and respond to natural disasters, potential terrorist attacks and other emergencies. The Ready Kids web site features age-appropriate, step-by-step instructions on what families can do to be better prepared and the role kids can play in this effort. Ready Kids was developed in consultation with:
- American Psychological Association
- American Red Cross
- National Association of Elementary School Principals
- National Association of School Psychologists
- National Center for Child Traumatic Stress
- National PTA
- U.S. Department of Education
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Obviously, the effort to educate families means a natural disaster is coming that all of these government agencies know about in advance. Clearly Satan is at work in the world and Jesus will return soon to rule and judge us all.
A Canadian game show called Just Like Mom aired from 1980-1985. Fergie Olver [whose name I kept misspelling, which is now fixed] and his wife Catherine Swing co-hosted the show for 4 of those years. Mr. Olver seemed to have a little obsession with affection, and a viewer caught on to that trend and edited the video you’ll see below. This is what it can look like when an adult is showing inappropriate sexual attention to a child.Oliv
I’m neither a psychologist nor expert on these issues, but I’d like to share my interpretations and thoughts about what’s going on here:
The Mothers
Why don’t the mothers do anything about Fergie Olver’s behavior? They’re sitting right next to their daughters who are being pressured into giving out kisses to a middle aged man. I think they hold back out of embarrassment or fear. If they say something, it’s on television in front of an audience that wants lighthearted entertainment. The producers and director would be angry for the disruption. They’d draw attention to themselves. Maybe it’s not a big deal, they might think. This is just funny and non-threatening.
- Can someone who was the age of those children or older tell me what affection with strangers or family friends was like back then? Was it more socially acceptable?
The Audience
Is it nervous laughter we hear in the background, or is it truly amused chortles? It bothers me to hear little snippets of cheering when a girl finally gives in to the pressure.
The Host
Fergie Olver uses a light, playful tone of voice when talking to the girls. He showers them with compliments and asks about their personal life–even the dating practices of one girl. He uses his body to get very close, covering their personal space with his arm around the back of the chair and his head stooped low to make eye contact. He moves closer and tricks the girls into bringing their faces up before stealing a peck on the cheek or even the lips.
When a girl refuses or acts nervous, Olver either goes for the kiss anyway and ignores their feelings, or he tries to persuade them; he even tells Alison (0:46) with a whisper in her ear that if she gives him a kiss, she’ll win the show. When she refuses, he warns her of the consequences. What do we call coersion of a sexual nature? That’s right kids: sexual harrassment.
What. A. Fucking. Skeezebag. I wonder what Olver’s wife thought of his sexual miscunduct on the show? What was he like in private when the cameras weren’t rolling?
The Kids
Who’s my favorite kid? Alison (0:46) who says clearly that she does not give out hugs and kisses freely and that no she will not give him one even when he asks repeatedly. Alison’s mom calls him a “dirty old man” after he tries to bribe Alison. That’s the one piece of honest observation we get to see in this video, and I don’t feel that anythiing is amusing or wrong about her saying what everyone should have been thinking.
The girls’ body language should say enough: We see two of the girls physically move away from Olver when he goes in for the kiss. They’re startled, frightened, and uncomfortable. That is called unwanted sexual touching.
How did this douchebag get away with such flagrant behavior? Have we simply grown more aware of the dangers of that sort of attention than we were back then? What do you think of these clips?
We atheists have heard the common argument that God gives humans their moral code and without God there can be nothing good accomplished in the world. One could also assume that the closer one gets to God and the more of the Holy Spirit one has inside themselves, the less douchey one must become.
Unfortunately this is not the case.
To illustrate what a few “godly” men do in the name of Jesus, I’m going to profile two of my favorite faith healers. Enjoy them or loathe them–just don’t donate money to them!
If You Yell Loud Enough, It’s Not Bullshit
First up, Kerney Thomas, a man who loves Cosby sweaters and thinks “GAAAWWD” wants you to have a miracle over the phone. His late night call-in show is one long infomercial for magical Blood-O-Jesus handkerchiefs and “prayer packages” (which appear to be nothing but donation envelopes and a form letter).
Thomas is a one-trick pony. When not promoting his good luck charms and “pwayer[sic] packages”, he’s taking calls from the poor, sick, and desperate. After chanting the same nonsense syllables as always (“Ee ko bah sha ta la ta boh ko sha”), clenching his face tightly, and screaming “GAAAWWWD!” a few times, he makes up shit claims miracles for his audience. He asks them to confirm they feel better or that they believe a magical deposit will appear soon into their bank accounts.
My favorite clip of Thomas is also the hardest one to watch. A woman feeling terrible pain in her elbows calls in, begging for help and relief. Watch to see what can happen to those who believe in charlatans and dewoosional faith healers:
If that doesn’t leave you angry, sad, and chuckling, I’m not sure what to do with you.Why this man is on the air blows my mind. His cheap tricks clearly play to the uneducated, desperate, and lonely–yet he asks for their money and encourages his watchers rely on “miracles” instead of practical solutions and help. I’m most concerned for the people who can’t afford to get the proper care. If it was available to them, they would probably not be going to this joker for his babbling and handkerchiefs.
Leave your own thoughts about Kerney Thomas in the comments! Coming up next: Part 2: a preacher and his fists of fury!
How did I grow up thinking Pee-Wee Herman was anything less than intensely creepy and vibrantly insane?
Anyone?
*crickets*
Now back to your regularly scheduled heathenry.
Olin Thang on 
Cortez Frisch on 
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